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anonymous
writes: 6 months ago checked husband's mobile phone, found texts from my female neighbour! I have twins (4 yrs old now). We've been married for 7 yrs this Aug. I thought my husband and I were soulmates; this is my second marriage. I adore him! He had a turbulent childhood and blames this sometimes! I think he's suffering from depression but don't know. He has rented a flat for 6 months, I love him so much but I don't want to be taken for a fool. He says he doesn't love me anymore, I'm overweight & have psoriasis since having the twins. He says that's nothing to do with the reason he feels this way, I know the question shouldn't be too long but this is so confusing and so many things have happened! I want him back - don't know what to do? Is it my fault? I love him so much! Please help me. I think I'm going mad!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005): I am in the same boat as this poor woman only it is after 17 years of marriage. This is my third marriage and I feel like such a fool. How did this happen? My husband says flat out he doesn't love me anymore?
He admits we have great sex and are best friends but that is it. He has said this crap about me mothering him which only came up after his mother died last year. I think it is more like he feels guilty when he makes bad choices like starting to smoke after quiting for years. I am sorry he is an adult and needs to take care of his health. I have tryed really hard to be nice "all the time" but he will still remind me he doesn't feel love for me. I will cry and he does too.
I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been a very good wife, I don't cheat with men, lie or have any other bad habits. I have raised two disabled children. He has been fat, sloppy, and out of shape for years and I recently joined him. Suddenly he hits 40 and he is losing weight and dressing better. These are things I never thought he would do. Yes after 17 years you think I'd know him and that really messes with my head. He swears there is no other woman. He told our therapist just doesn't love me. I am trying to be the adult for our kids but I can't live in a loveless marriage. I want a man who loves me for who I am. I am getting ready to kick him to the curb and keep my pride.
My advice is keep your self respect or your husband will have none for you. Nobody loves a doormat.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): Man, I dont what it is that makes ever women feel its perfectly ok to go snooping around through someone elses cell phone and email!!Yeah he shouldnt hide things from you, but dont have the right to go snooping through anyone elses property. Would it be ok if he went fumbling through your diary or old love letters with his big meat hooks and then ran down to the pub to discuss or post questions about them on the Internet?Maybe the fact that you felt you were entitled to do this was part of your problems in the first place.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): I love him so much but I don't want to be taken for a fool. HERE IS THE PROBLEM; UNDYING LOVE WITH A DISPLAY OF RESERVATION. lOVE AS IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE. GIVE ALL YOU HAVE TO GIVE AND IT WILL RETURN IN A 1000 FOLDS. EXCUSES AND BLAMES ARE NO SOLUTIONS TO BONDING. YOU SAY YOU LOVE HIM BUT HAVE YOU DEMONSTRATED IT? ABOUT YOUR NEIGHBOR; HE MAY BE TALKING WITH OR TO HER, BECAUSE YOU HAVE EITHER ATTEMPTED TO MOTHER HIM OR IS NOT TALKING TO HIM
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reader, trusty +, writes (3 May 2005):
You have been married to your husbend for 7 yrs right? Well you should know him inside and out! If you do, do you believe him when he tells you he doesn't love you anymore? Because if you don't believe him then I think there may be a chance he may still love you. He probably told you he didn't because he was trying to find a way out of this mess and he did, but if you love him so deeply go for it. If you dont succeed after a couple of tries then maybe just maybe he is not worth it. But really I think you should be focussing on your children. I hope you find happiness. x
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (1 May 2005):
 You aren't going mad, its just that so much is happening that is traumatic for you.I would say that your husband has problems because of his childhood, because of the way he is treating you now and because it seems he could be suffering from depression. This is hard to know unless he seeks expert help. Would he be prepared to get help? This could perhaps be discussed with him.I wonder what was contained in the texts to the neighbour? Were they sexually suggestive? Or was he confiding in her? Obviously you didn't know about this so it was done perhaps underhandedly. You can work on this if you know what he was saying to the neighbour. Is he trustworthy now? If he isn't, do you really want to live in doubt all the time? When trust goes, that is what happens, suspicions arise over the slightest thing. It takes a lot to rebuild trust.What are the reasons for him saying that he no longer loves you? You need to know. Is he telling the truth? If he honestly doesn't love you, then you may have to think about never having him back as ultimately, if you took him back, you would only be destined to unhappiness through him not feeling the same for you.You need to talk to him about whether he ever sees things changing. Is his loss of feeling for you permanent? Would he ever seek help for his problems? Only then can you decide what you want and need to do next.I don't believe it is your fault but you need to talk to him to find out where this is going and whether you do have to accept that it is over. What does he want to do about the children? Will he see them? All these things need to be discussed.He could be going through a kind of mid-life crisis and feels like suddenly being independent. You could remind him of all the special times you have had together and how happy you have been.Talk to him today and find out where you stand.I really hope this helps.
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