A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been married now for five years and been with my partner for seven years. we have two lovely children. i myself made some mistakes at the very beginning of our relationship which we overcame. everything was wonderful and we were happy until recently he told me that he had had thoughts of " going with "my younger sister who is just turning fifteen. I dont know where it came from,he said he would never do anything and he knew it was wrong but he hadnt thought of her as a child. Im so confused. we had a relationship that all my friends were jealous of and now he has ruined it. i dont know what to do for the best. i still love him but cant forget what he said. also i dont want to hurt my children as i myself have come from seperated parents due to my own dad having an affair with my mums sister. I dont know if i can get over this as everytime my sister comes round it is awkward and she is the innocent one in all this. i hate him for the way he has made me feel, i thought i was a very strong person before this. i wish he had had an affair rather than said that about my little sister, because that i could of dealt with. amy friends say i need to figure this out for myself, But i cant! please help
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male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (4 November 2008):
 I completely misread your question it seems. You never mentioned dreams at all. Disregard what I wrote before! Sorry. The other posters seem to have the right idea though. Feel free to rate me down! Best of luck! x
A
female
reader, samsmommy  +, writes (3 November 2008):
 That is extremely disgusting. The only almost ok thing here is that he told you. But still, that's you're little sister and you need to protect her, especially since she has no idea that he was thinking like that. I have an older sister and I'd like to think she would let me know if something like this was going on so you should really tell her.Idk what else to tell you except that you really need to talk to him more about it because I'm sure you would feel horrible if he pursued those thoughts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): oops!am sorry I misunderstood that its dreams.I still go with my original answer.Alarm bells ringing very heavily!!
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A
female
reader, tammye17 +, writes (3 November 2008):
 hi, this may seem disturbing to you, and it might to me too. but a fantasy is a fantasy...its not going to hap[pen and it hasnt happen....i know u are hurt and thinking "why my litle sister" i bet you he doesnt even know why? him telling you is a healthy thing, he's not keeping it from you and thats good.....he respects you to tell you this he has trust in you so if thats his fantasy then so be it, but dont encourage him to keep on..tell him how you feel and talk about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Hi - sorry, am I missing something here? It sounds from your post that he had had 'thoughts', not 'dreams' about your sister. If it were dreams, it would be completely different to 'thoughts'. I'd be devastated if my husband told me he'd had thoughts about my younger sister (if I had one). Yes, you need to ensure that he's not left alone with your sister, but also this is the man you've trusted for seven years and thought you knew and this must've been such a shock. I think what I would do is talk with him more about it - although hard, try not to show how sickened and angry you are, or he may just clam up. Just try and figure out what made him think this and what made him think it was acceptable to think it about your 14/15 year old sister, let alone disclose it to you! And most of all, try and get across how it has made you feel - how would he feel if you suddenly disclosed you'd had 'thoughts' about his underage brother, for instance.
You need to put aside your worries from your own childhood and do what is best for your children. Does your husband have issues regarding sexual boundaries from his own childhood? Is there some problem from his childhood he needs professional help overcoming?
If I am getting the wrong end of the stick here, and you did actually mean 'dreams', then I don't think there's a problem. I do believe dreams can be indicative of how we're feeling, but sexual dreams about people mean something different to actually wanting that.
Good luck with everything x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Oh my goodness !I suggest you get advice from females regarding this.Our dreams are a projection of our sub conscious.When I was a kid I had dreams about huge Italian Sundaes.It was just a way my brain helped me cope with my love of ice creams.If you love your sister please make sure he is never alone with her any time.Stats show that most of the time its a FAMILY MEMBER who abuses the kids.Can you live with yourself if you don't protect you sister?It definitely seems like you love her a lot.We Indian women bear a lot of things in our marriage because of our culture.Trust me but if I had a little sister to protect I wouldn't be thinking twice about dumping this kind of jackass.Please keep us posted.We are here for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): It's properly even worse because she's so young. Why did he tell you anyway? was he afraid he might make a move on her? Like another poster said, it's in his head, as long as he dosen't make a move or make your younger sister feel uncomfortable, it should be alright. Keep an eye out for your sister though
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A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (3 November 2008):
I think you are missing the concept of dreams. That's exactly what they are! He hasn't actually slept with your sister and just because he dreamt about it doesn't mean that he wants to either. Dreams can be very confusing and rarely make sense. Don't read into it too much and spoil what was a perfectly good relationship. Dreams are not fantasies!
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