A
female
age
41-50,
*RCHID119
writes:HI,Am not sure how many of you have gone through this....but I would definetly appreciate some advice.I am 30 yrs old and married. Ours was a love marriage.I have a good looking son who is 10 months old. My husband had an affair with two of his colleagues in a span of 6 months...that was the time I was away from home to deliver my baby ( at my parents place)The first one he says was purely sexual and the other went on for 3 months....even after I came back with the baby. He did confess everything after i confronted him. I am so confused at the moment....should I stay in this relationship...because cheating is like a habit. I have forgiven him...but can I raise my son in this kind of an environment. I definetly dont want him to be like his father. Another i did forget to mention is that my fatherlaw also had an affair with another lady...that is none of my business...its his life....so not even important...my point is it does run in the family...to have affairs. I do love my husband...but is it really worth taking a risk...especially when I have my son with me now? I was working but am at home taking care of the lil one.Am at my parents lace at the moment....just wanted to get away from all that...for sometime. My husband loves his son a lot. He says he is fine with any decision I make and is truly repenting for what he did.But can I forget all of that?He did have a sexual relationship with her in their office...in the night. He works for a bpo..It is a small company with people working in shifts...at that time they were the only ones working in the night shift. My sister says that i am the only one who can decide...but am so confused..So... Please help and advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Listen I have had that happen it is not fun and it wrecks your self esteem but one in the end only you can make the decision.I know that sound bad but think of it this way.One you will always have doubts about him and that is not easy to deal with and when he talks and you feel like wait did he just say that do what you want to do? One i would say try a minister try your faith first then go from there it can be hard and it can be one thing that you may not want but in the end it can save you. Think how long have you both been together is he worth the fight or is he think about this what it all boils down to does he still love and care about you?I tried to forgive and forget and then i tried again i got to the point where when i was single it took one lie and i was out of there.This last guy at least in a way was honest said he loved someone else i thought about it and you know i know this much no matter what about what i feel and i still love him i am worth a hell of a lot more i am worth a guy that is going to be honest and love me faults and all don't try and change him just say hey i need to pray then if the answer it try again try it but if it keeps up no matter that it hurts hey i walked and he did not even notice so to him in that he let me know just what he thought about me all he wanted was sex and not love and though i thought he needed love and he would i can not change him he wants someone else i pray that he got what he wanted and i wish him the best in life i really do It hurts but i pray that he gets what he wants and trust me all he wanted from me was sex and that was not that important to him and talking he did not have time for that and so in the end like i said he never even knew i walked I still love him but i would not go back to that i deserve a lot better and love him yeah we could talk all day but i want a real person i can talk with share problems with and in the end i want him to be happy i wish you luck and i will pray for you best of luck and love
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Whether you stay or not is your decision, I cannot tell you what to do. Your sister is right, you and only you alone can decide. I might be able to help by clarifying your situation as it appears to me.
Your husband cheated on you twice within six months, hurting and humilating you. You must be wondering how much love he has for you and whether you could ever trust him again. His father does the same thing, so you feel cheating may be all he knows, and you do not want this for your son. He's broken your trust, and lied to you about where he was and what he was doing. He carried out an affair whilst you were having your son, and seems to have had some intimacy with some woman for a 3 month period, even whilst you were with him. He's had sex with other people even though he promised in his marriage vows to love and stay true to you.
You believe you will have a lifetime of dishonesty and hurt in your marriage and you don't know if you can bear to stay. He's a good father, but he hurts, humilates and makes you cry. You don't know if he can change his behaviour, but he truely repents and may be able to change if he loves you and your son enough. Your scared to leave because you have no reason to believe that the next man you meet might not be the same or worse. You probably also love him (your son loves him) and want your marriage to work.
Your call baby, there are no wrong answers or right answers, there are only situations, choices and consequences. Life is a gamble, it's a risk, you take a chance. Whatever you decide to do will be right for you. It may not make you happy and it may be difficult, but it's the only thing that you can do to make things right for you.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Yup... this is definitely your call. However, how much interest is he showing on getting back together? What is in the past, must stay there. However, when you say he says he is fine with any decision you take it sounds like he doesn't care much to fight for what you have. Maybe it came across wrong but, if I was in your situation, one major part of my decision would be based on his attitude of what happened and what will go on in the future.
Has he attempted any counseling? Does he seem interested in working with your relationship? Why did he sleep with two other woman? How is he feeling in your relationship and does he think it stands a chance in the long run? All of these are very important answers to consider. Your baby boy would be better sharing a life with his dad, but, if he has no interest in "fixing" this so it never happens again (you would need counseling from a therapist or spiritual guide to get into what was his motivation or need for having someone else) then there is not much to look for in the future.
Best of lucks!
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