A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Just found out after 30 years of marriage hubby has been using prostitutes for 4 years behind my back, I had no idea, none whatsoever and I feel such a fool, he is begging for me to stay and work this out but I feel it is so hard to forgive him after all this time and is it healthy to be in a relationship with someone who could do this for so long and come home to me and my kids and have a normal life too? We are going to counselling where he has admitted he has a sex addiction to prostitutes and is seeking help we have both been cleared medically thank god and I will never forgive him ever for that as he took a chance with my health even if he didn't give a shit about his. We are trying to rebuild this sorry state of affairs as we have been together so long and I know this is hard for anyone to understand but we do both still love one another. I don't feel I love him the same way now but he is the father of our kids and I have known him 30 years and to walk away from this would be so hard.He has given this up I know that to be true I hold the purse strings now so I know every penny going in and out this house and he gets nothing unless he asks. He is happy to do this and says he is so so sorry and will do whatever it takes to remedy this and wants to spend the rest of our lives making this up to me. I want to believe that but how do you move on from this? Any one out there had a similar situation?
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affair, move on, prostitute, sex addict Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Mine too has been having sex after 36 yrs. of marriage. I just found out and can't sleep, eat, work, talk to friends, etc. To make matters worse, there are online sites where my husband can rate the 10 or so different ones he f***S every year (with few repeaters - he must be approaching 100 by now). Having reviewed his picks, I'm realizing that this must be an addiction because these whores are not the type of women he is attracted to. The are 50 + lbs overweight, all in their late 40's or 50's and mostly dowdy, used and pathetic looking. I don't blame the prostitutes but I want to vomit when I see their photos and think of my formerly wonderful husband doing vile things with these women. So very many of them brag that they will give bj's without condoms. I saw no signs that this was happening although I'm a bright woman with a great sense of intuitivness. Ladies, seize your husband's computers and if you are lacking in pc skills, take some course or look for online tutorials on Microsoft Outlook, MSN or Hotmail.com, Yahoo.com, etc. Also, keep a keen eye on your husband's bank withdrawls and his travel during those times. Also be aware if he buys new clothes, after shave, new hair cuts, new underwear, etc. And consult a wonderful attorney before a marriage counselor, just in case.
Sign me "Women with a heavy heart who's trying to figure out whether putting up with his behavior is worth it." I am devasted by his skanky perversity and wish the earth would open up and suck me into some painless abyss.
A
female
reader, jwom  +, writes (29 March 2007):
I just found out about prostitutes, very very very expensive prostitutes, hotel rooms (I did not know hotel rooms could cost up to $800), and we have a one year old and a two year old, and we cannot pay our bills each month, and of course I had NO idea...
and i don't know if this is worth sticking around for - i see my kids and just start bawling, their father is wonderful to them and, i always thought, wonderful to me. The man thought LEAST LIKELY to cheat by all my mommy-friends - he too has handed me the purse strings, has signed a notarized affidavit stating the facts and some of the dates, and swears he will get help. But I am still young enough to start over, and though I won't be SWELL financially (i'm a stay at home mom) I will be okay (have already met with the lawyer) - i just realize i should not be responding but should be posting myself!
sorry i can't help but I am with you, this is the shittiest thing that has happened to me since i was a young adult.
Best of luck! Would love to know what you decide to do...
jenny
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A
female
reader, Mollygal +, writes (28 March 2007):
This to has happened to me. I can not get past the mistrust. I have not been in my relationship for as long as you have. 30yrs. is a long time and I hope that you will still be able to hang in there. Good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): You have been married for 30 years and he has thrown it away because of his addiction to prostitutes. Walk away with your head held high. How old are? You will still be able to make a new start for yourself. I am glad that you have not caught a desease, pity he hasn't! Get him out of your life, no matter how hard he may beg, get rid of him. He has spoilt things. I could never have a bloke who did that to me.
Take care and keep in touch.
xx
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A
male
reader, saddad +, writes (26 March 2007):
 I have no idea what your going through, but from a man's perspective it really does seem like he is sorry. Handing you the purse strings is the clearest indication of your husbands regret and his intention to quit his addiction for you.I have never used a prostitute but I would compare what you husband was doing to a drug addiction. Pure escapism. He departmentalised his use of prostitues from all other aspects of his life, and I would think, like a drug addict, that he was shamed within himself for what he was doing.I hope you can find a way to forgive him and that you can both be happy together.
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (26 March 2007):
firstly I'm glad to hear your both still healthy after this incident.Any form of cheating is distructive whether it be a sex worker or 'normal' person, the difference his was a sex worker is minimal and ineffectual bar the social perceptions of prostitutes. whats important is the break down in trust and the emotional scars left, not who the other person is/was.it sounds to me he knws he has a problem, hes seeking help and has done all he can to keep you. obviously your hurt is raw and will remain so and if im honest as someone whos been cheated on theres always going to be that small doubt in you.he obviously loves you by admiting the problem n seeking help, whether your willing to start all over to rebuild that trust is on your shoulders.i hope it works out for you, a 30 year marriage is something to be proud of
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