A
female
age
41-50,
*trollsideways
writes:This is tough so forgive how long it is. I don't see how I could be wrong though.Someone kept clearing the history in our internet browser. At first I was worried my 9 year old son had started looking at pornography and trying to cover his tracks. Anyway, following a slip-up I found somebody (it just has to be my husband) has been browsing around this:http://www.illicitencounters.comAnd quite a lot in the space of about 2 hours too by the looks of it. I think there are no 2 ways of interpreting this. What do I do? I have 2 beautiful kids with this man, and I have noticed nothing in his behavior. No extra hours at the office, he's not distant, nothing has changed. I'm shocked at his apparent proficiency in deceit, and I'm so unbelievably hurt but have chosen to suppress showing it until I have an idea of what to do.Please, can anyone offer some experience? I'm so humiliated and hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): If only the history has been cleared your can still check out whats been accessed on the computer.
Click start left hand corner of your screen, then click search then move your mouse along untill some options appear, click files or folders, go down where you see "look in" click the small square first, try local hard drives, (that usually stores everything that has been search or sites accessed even when they've been cleared from history) then click search.
You will find it may take you a long time to find what your looking for, it did me but I caught him out, and it was worth every hour I spent searching.
Also check the recyle bin, your be surprised how many people forget to empty that.
Good luck hun.
I know what your going through i've been down the same road as your on now x
A
female
reader, strollsideways +, writes (30 July 2009):
strollsideways is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all so much.
Well, the history has since been cleared, and I don't know when it might be left uncleared again. I could ask why the history is constantly being cleared. Better still, yes I should catch him. If I can find he has a profile on that site then that will do. They charge men to join, so perhaps I can dig something out of the bills.
Wish me luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Of course it was your husband that has been using it. I would say absolutely nothing.... yet. He must use the computer when you are not there or not looking - so best to catch him in the act or get more evidence. At the moment he is sure to wriggle out of it saying he accidentally clicked on a link or something. Fact is he is unhappy or just fancies a bit on the side for excitement. Sorry but he is clearly calculated in his investigations to find out more - that is a very specific website with no illusion about what is involved and my concern would be he already is involved. You don't need the classic evidence of working late etc. I mean these websites are for people who are practically expert at cheating in that each party knows the score and knows not to expect out of hours stuff. Its not just porn or a chatsite. Its for people who want to proactively cheat and deceive - not a passing fad. As hard as it is I would hold tight because you need to see where he's going with this and to react now could drive him underground. Ways you can really see are to see if he's at work just pop by or call him, change your plans at the last minute and check his mobile if he has one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): omg .. no wtf ?? talk to him !!
everyone thinks that wht he's doin is right
just talk to him and abt it and try to solve the problem or u might be in a big trouble :S:S
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A
female
reader, MansonGroupie +, writes (24 July 2009):
 Oh Hun, what an awful thing to find out. You're doing well to have stayed calm!!!
I agree with Lilly Rose, you have to show him what you found and ask why he did this. Maybe it's simply a case of 'curiosity' getting the better of him, however, two hours on the same site should raise alarm bells.
To be honest, I'd be livid and would have already been making plans to move out/have him move out as this is deceitful & disrespectful!
On the other hand, you have a marriage and children to consider and the only way to move forward is to establish some answers and/or understanding.
He can make no denials as you have proof, lay it down for him and ensure he understands that what he has done is disturbin, confusing, upsetting and down right damaging to your relationship!
I have no understanding when it comes to these sites and am disgusted that there are sites out there that not only encourage people to look elsewhere, but also cheat!
Sorry, I'm not of much use to you on this one. I empathise with your situation and hope you get to the bottom of this before any more damage is done.
Good Luck.xxx
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (24 July 2009):
 You need to show him this.....ask him why he went on it!
Talk it through with him!
It may have been a mistake....curiousity maybe got the better of him!
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