A
female
age
,
*andra Anderson
writes:My husband likes to be dominated .right now he seems like he is at the point where his friend who is female has control over him ( they met online and have met in person) . I can't get him to do anything and he and she talk everyday for long periods at time on text. I asked him and her to let myself and husband alone time at nite . Doesn't work most times , he always text her back at nite what can I do.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 Well, if you tell him he likes to be dominated, he might want to prove you wrong by not being dominated by you, so he could do the contrary of what you suggest if you don't pick your words. However this tends to happen with couples who are tired of each other and seem to want to get back at each other with all kinds of silly things. If he honestly doesn't see anything wrong in talking to her for such long hours, have you tried putting it as nicely and caringly as possible? Tell him you'd like some quality time for yourselves and that he doesn't have to give up his friend, only make more time for you. He seems to be acting downright childish and I'm sure this makes you feel pretty upset but maybe you just have to show him a nice alternative to his online chats. I imagine running errands is less fun. Say, cook an exotic dish together or surprise him with whatever you know that he enjoys? If nothing changes, put your foot down more firmly and tell him how you are becoming frustrated with this ongoing situation, show him he has the power to make things easier for you and to please use it. If you have had difficulties in your marriage prior to this which you haven't worked on, his behaviour now could be merely an escapade from your real problems, and you might want to bring them back in the foreground for a close up. Best wishes.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 December 2009):
I think you need to ask him where he sees your marriage going. It sounds like it's crunch time to be honest. I don't think your marriage has any hope unless he opens up to you and stops talking to her.
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