A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HeyI've been in a relationship for 9 months, when it started out I was just getting out of a bad relationship and my current boyfriend helped me through, he helped me with my University work and my relationship problems. So I broke up with the previous boyfriend and then decided that my current boyfriend was so nice I had to be with him.Once I started going out with him everything changed, because I have quite a bad past with men and he has strong muslim views while I'm christian we barely got along.I had to change my complete attitude, I got rid of all my male friends, stopped drinking, didn't go out. I only have 2 girl mates so this was really hard as i'm a sociable person and i don't find it easy to make female friends.I thought that this would stop the arguements and he would be fine but he constantly brings up the past because he can't get over it.I've done everything I can to assure him I only want to be with him, given up my life, I spend most of the day emailing or texting him, he lives a half an hour drive away so he cant always be with me.Hes an amazing guy, looking out for me all the time, always trys to come and see me, buys me presents, helps me with my work, if I got to be with him all the time it probably wouldn't be a problem. My main concern is he hasnt told his parents about me because of some family issues so i'm not sure if it's long term although he says it is and i've given up everything.I understand why he doesn't trust me, because of my past, and when we first started out 9 months ago my ex forcably kissed me. Since then I have completely changed.I thought that after this time once he saw I cared and changed and did everything for him he would start to trust me.But we're still having problems, he has a business which makes him stressed and he takes it out on me finding ways to start arguments with me.He doesn't trust me with the 1 guy at work that I work with and always starts arguments about him.Also a few days ago on a good day when he was happy I asked if I could go out with a guy mate who I hadn't seen in ages, I said we would play mario karts and then go into town. Which he said ok to.Then when i got into town he had ago at me about him coming round my house to play mario karts because he thinks im going to sleep with this guy or something.I know I brought this on myself, I just want to know if anyone could help me find a solution or tell me will this always be how it is? I don't want to end it with this guy because hes amazing I just need to find a way to get him to trust me. I would give him more time but im so lonely and depressed with my life that i'm scared what might happen if I carry on like this.Thank youuu
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at work, broke up, christian, depressed, I work with, muslim, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sooo much for your replys, made me really think if I wanted to persue the relationship any further.We had a talk about it in the end and decided that we would both compromise to make it easier, hes going to meet my friends and get used to them and will stop being so over protective. I found out that he thinks about me alot when hes not with me and because hes so far away he gets worried I might want someone I think.Well will see how it goes. Thank you very very much for replys.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 December 2009):
Your boyfriend is being very controlling to be honest. You didn't really bring it on yourself at all. If he won't trust you, he won't trust you. And your last paragraph shows how controlled you really are. You're lonely and depressed. I'm sure you love this guy but you need to get away from him. He's only going to control you and hurt you.
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