A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i'm tired and confused and need help. i've been married for 15 years, my husband has always had porn in his life since i've been with him, everytime i find it i cry i get furious and he says he'll stop and does for maybe a week or 2 till i find more. i know that men look at porn and it's normal and stuff but he goes beyond just looking, he masturbates to it numerous times a day even though we have sex often, he rips lots of pages out of the magazines and puts them in his wallet, his work folder, his truck wherever he can hide it, i found his last stash in the toilet tank! i just don't get it, i've always tried new things for him, tried to keep our sex life fresh and he still needs to buy these to masturbate to. i've taken pictures of myself to substitute for his magazines becuase he told me he wouldn't buy them anymore if i did and he still had some hid and i caught him masturbating to the magazines instead of my pictures, what a self esteem killer!! what really makes me mad is the fact that we have 5 kids, my smallest is 3 months and he had been up the night before jerking off till 4 in the morning to his magazines, i'm not joking when i say he was up till 4 doing it either, he does it so much that he has raw spots on his penis from doing it so much anyway i asked him the next morning if he could watch the kids so i could go to the bank and he said no that he was up all night so i took them with me and when i got back he was in the bathroom masturbating to his magazines again yet he was to tired to watch the kids but had enough energy to jerk off! i'm just so aggrevated and tired i just needed to vent and hear some opinions
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female
reader, leni  +, writes (18 November 2008):
i think you should leave him! its an addiction yes but the fact that he knows how distressed you are and doesnt care is awful. it might totally ruin your self esteem, and you shouldnt risk that. could family and friends help you with the children if you were to move out? start making plans.
A
female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (17 November 2008):
he needs help. get counselling or get out of the relationship!!! it is totally unfair and unacceptable to allow you to become so upset by this over and over again. he'll never change if you keep going the way you are. drastic measures are needed. i just hope you have the courage to do something. you're not happy. you deserve happiness. good luck!
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A
male
reader, blazee  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 im sorry to hear that:(
ending 15 years of marridge is really hard, but you really did deserve better things, and he was only making you have low self confidence, so because of that im glad you've made this decision.
good luck with everything i really hope things work out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Thanks for help to everyone, we had a "discussion" yesterday to which he asked me what i wanted from him and i told him all i want is for you to have some self control and leave the porn alone to which he told me he won't and that he wants a divorce. so i told him ok and now he's saying he didn't mean it but doesn't understand why i have such a problem with his porn, well if he hasn't figured it out in 15 years then i guess he never will. just wanted to say thanks for your opionions and help. i just think it's sad for a 15 year marraige to end because his porn is more important to him that me.
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A
male
reader, blazee +, writes (15 November 2008):
im sorry i didnt realise that he acted like that, my answer was only based around the infomation you have given me, since i am not you i cant understand how he feels or your relationship with him. when i asked if he showed he loved you through gestures, i meant like romantic dinners, doing things only for you, but your follow up makes it clear he dosnt. I can only hope that you get some help, but to be honest if he cant stop, even with the support your giving him, mabye its time to move on. You are much better then how he is treating you and no woman should take your place. good luck with this, i really hope you and your huisband can sort this out
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (15 November 2008):
 You have vented. Now I will tell you my opinion.
I agree with the previous posters that he has an addiction. I don't believe that women should get too upset if their guy likes to look at porn, but this man of yours goes way beyond reasonable limits.
I have no idea why someone would be so fascinated with pictures in magazines or on the Internet. They are good to add spice, but not as the main course. And when they interfere with your real life (keeping him up at night, stopping him from helping his partner), there is a real problem.
I realise that it hurts your self-esteem, but since it's an addiction I suggest you try not to take it too personally. By which I mean that, sure, he's constantly committing visual infidelity, but if you think of it like a drug addiction (he'd rather get high than have sex with you), you might find it a little easier to take. Plus, his habit isn't detracting from having sex with you, which can and does happen with bad porn addictions.
I'm sorry I'm not much help, but I definitely feel for your situation. As a young woman (only 33) who is keen and eager in the sex department, it's rather insulting that your man thinks there is nothing better to do than wank to pictures of naked women at all times of the day and night.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): to the 1st response i cannot see how you say don't take it as him not loving you when he knows how it makes me feel, i've told him numerous times and do you know what he tells me, it's not my problem that you have insecurities with yourself!!!! so yes i take it that he doesn't love me, he was a very insecure person when we first got together and for 2 years i didn't wear makeup and wore baggy clothes that made me look 5 times the size i really am for him because he asked me too, and i ask him to either share this with me or stop masturbating so much and he refuses and tells me that it's not his problem and i'm supposed to feel loved? well i don't
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): i don't understand the 2nd reply to my question, what would be the purpose of being married if i get him a mistress? i am only 33, i've done swinging with my husband, took pictures for him, give him sex and offer him sex almost daily so what more am i supposed to do? i don't find getting him a mistress when i am trying and have been trying for 15 years to do everything he asks and more with still the same result of him going behind my back looking and masturbating multiple times a day to magazines, a mistress? seriously? i don't think so, you know maybe if i refused to try new stuff or refused his advances or didn't do anything for him to try to help him with his "addiction" i could see it but come on. i've went to counseling with him and he seems remorseful when we speak to the couselor and 2 days later he's back jerking off to porn. i just think i should stop letting my life revolve around him, which i always have and let him go lead the life that he obviously needs which doesn't include me.
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A
male
reader, blazee +, writes (14 November 2008):
You and your husband need to sort this out. He has an addiction which he wil find very hard to give up, once you start it is like trying to stop smoking. You need to talk with him, ask him what you are not giving him, what these magazines are, but even then you might not get a straight answer. Ask him if he wants to give up, if he wants to, thats the only way you can stop. The fact that he is going behind your back, and putting the magazines in front of your family is a worry, it shows how much he is addicted. If you have a computer i would check its history for porn sights. You will probably need counciling to help him stop. Just want to say do not feel low because of this, his addiction to this foes not affect how much he loves you. ask yourself does prove that he loves you through other gestures, and is this a fault of his? If it is you need to help him, make him feel like he can confide in you, but dont blame him for this, believe me coming from somebody who has been addicted and quit, it is a very hard habbit to kick
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Your husband is addicted to porn. Just like sex addiction, drug addiction, and alcohol addicition, he is addicted. His innability to stop looking at porn is not a reflection of how he feels about you, but rather it is a reflection of his addiction. I see three options: go to counselling (together), (how often is often?) tell him you'll give him action whenever he wants it, or find him a young mistress who can keep up with his raging sex drive (maybe some college girl who needs a place to live while at school). Historically speaking, that's how aging wives used to deal with their husband's high sex drive; you'd get to relax and enjoy the security of being his wife and the mother of his children while he'd have an outlet for his sexual frustrations.
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