A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently found the numbers of two local brothels and two massage parlours in my husband's computer and on his mobile phone bill. When I asked him to explain he said he likes to ring them and ask about their services so he can masturbate as they tell him. He finally admitted that he had visited the local brothel once but after he had been introduced to the girls he fled before anything happened as he felt ashamed.He has since started counselling and admits he was addicted to internet porn.I would like to think nothing happened at this brothel -or any other!!Am I mad to believe this is the truth and he has told me everything? Perhaps I am just burying my head in the sand?
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female
reader, smarty pants  +, writes (24 December 2012):
gone through something similar...I found a strip joint on his laptop and fone. He said he didn't go there as he was working away. since found a brothel address and the house on his phone. he said he didn't know how it got there. I'm gutted. thinking seriously of leaving him after 20 years together. I don't trust him. I said if you even went to the strip show we are finished. Would rather be alone than take shit. he said he has never cheated but if I found out he went to a strip club or the brothel out he goes. to many women put up with shit I'm not
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): Thanks so much for replying, it has been a pretty horrible time and I appreciate your thoughts and friendly words.
It is all very recent still and some days I feel confident that if we can work it out, our marriage will be much stronger because of it. Other days I feel really saddened by the thought that he left our home one morning to go to a brothel with the intention of having sex with someone else.(Even if nothing happened).
I agree that I need to let it go if we are going to try and move on together from this. At the moment though, I just see images of him 'viewing' the girls as they walked in front of him waiting for him to make a choice.
Before this I trusted him completely. Now I don't know if I will ever feel able to trust him again and wonder what the future holds if this is how it is going to be.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, bexherbs +, writes (8 February 2007):
 thousands of men before your husband have been lured by the temptation of internet porn,massage palours,brothels,lap dancing bars etc and the majority bottle out and i think you have to ask yourself what u belive he would do, how much you trust him and only he has the truth!I would put him on the spot and say to him no matter what the truth is it does'nt matter because you can move on with this together and take it from there!that way you've both layed your cards on the table but remember this is the man you are married to so you cant bury your head in the sand,because if you do your heading for trouble.good luck hun x
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I agree with the other 'aunt'; you will never know for sure what happened at the brothel. You can now choose to work on your marriage with your husband, and try to make sure that this doesn't happen again. Or, you can let mistrust destroy your marriage. You don't say how long you guys are married, but i'm sure you don't want to throw in the towel before giving it 100% to fix things.
Like the other 'aunt' said; this is forgiveable. Maybe not forgettable, but it's a start.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 hi there
unfortunately we cant tell you anything as he is the one holding the truth. you are not mad at all and i know it can not be easy for you knowing what he had been upto, but if you have decided to forgive him i think you need to let it go, so that you can both work on your marriage. i think it has taken a lot of your courage to want to believe him and it is understandable if you cant trust him anymore. i also think for him starting with counsiling is a good sign that he wants to change from his behaviour. However what he has done is unforgettable but it is forgiveable.
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (8 February 2007):
Only he knows if he really has told you the truth, but if it's any help, then it's certainly conceivable that what he said is true. He could easily have panicked or got cold feet or a sudden attack of shame/guilt and run off without doing anything. He could equally have stayed and had the time of his life and be lying through his teeth. Impossible for me to say. But it's possible he's telling the truth.
Of course, that is only part of the problem though, isn't it. Even if you believe him (and you've already caught him out lying), he still went there - and what if he goes again? And doesn't get cold feet this time? Why did he go? What's missing between you two that made him want to do this? It's good that he's seeking some kind of counselling as it shows he recognises he has a problem.
You both need to talk things through though, and at some length I would suggest.
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