A
female
age
41-50,
*rzybrownfan
writes:Well me and my husband have almost been married a year and I'm having problems with our sex life... There was a problem with porn before we got married and I made him promise that he wouldn't watch it after we got married, and of course he promised. My biggest reason is I love sex. I have never turned him down and I will do anything he wants. He finds it very easy to turn me down. But for some reason he's too tired for me but will watch porn the next day when I'm out of town. I will even spend a night getting him off with out having sex! It is really causing me to have problems. I'm not the same person I was before I met him. I no longer feel sexy or wanted. I try to talk to him about it and it always turns into a fight. It is driving me crazy what do I do?
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female
reader, erica12345 +, writes (8 November 2013):
I am pissed. My bf just got done having sex with me. Then I went into the living room an hour later and caught him jerking off to porn. I never deny him sex...EVER! We have it at least 5 times a week. I think I am just going to turn into a mind fuck of a whore and see how he likes it. And when I go out this weekend I am going to look so good...and show some skin. He needs to know if he isn't interested, someone else can be. I know how you all feel. I've put up with his ex and I am ready to show him. This girl isn't taking a back seat anymore. And he can go screw himself (AGAIN) if he thinks I am putting up with another ounce of his shit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Ok, so I found what he likes when watching porn. We watched it together. We did it. He said: That was awesome. Now, we're back to his watching porn and jerking off .. without me. The kicker is he tells me that he fantasizes about ME while watching his porn he just isn't into having sex .. jerking off is fine. I've been to a therapist. There's nothing wrong with me - in fact I am an extremely sexual woman. No, I am not fat (before someone asks), I take care of myself, I'm an attractive blonde petite, well groomed woman. I'm funny, I'm intelligent, I'm caring - he says I'm a great wife and mother. I'm just apparently just not good enough for him to bother with as its easier just to do the self stimulating thing than to take care of my needs too. So, ladies .. its not you. Drop the asshole and find someone who is willing to give you what you deserve.
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female
reader, Sexy lil momma +, writes (24 July 2010):
I dont get it, it hurts my feelings and makes me feel like shit. If my husband would rather sit there and watch porn rather than touch me or talk to me, that does not say alot for me does it?
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female
reader, MzStar +, writes (29 January 2010):
that sounds exactly like my relationship, thats why im on here to find answers without telling my own frnds & his family that he dont want sex from me but rather watch porn or the only way he will have an orgasam is if i jack him off!
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female
reader, don't take his shit 1  +, writes (2 March 2009):
Hey girlfriend,
You sound like one hot,sexy babe,and your husband doesn't deserve you.
Listen to me,this is not normal behaviour.It seems to me there is no point in talking to him,because he finds it easier to relate to a two dimensional stereotype rather than a real woman.
Take my advice,go find yourself a man who appreciates you,don't waste your young years on a loser !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Wow, female anon., what a nightmare. I can't believe the awful advice from your mom and mother-in-law. Sorry to say, but these woman are delusional and gave up thier identity (denial). Be glad you've kept your sense of who-you-are. Once you lose that, your life is miserable.
Anyway, you're showing the courage to defy the effects of porn on your marriage. What surprises me is you think ALL men are like your husband. That's Really not true. (Mine isn't) I believe you're right, your husband is a sex addict. He doesn't have self control, he's in bondage to his own thoughts, and porn has effected his mind so his views of women are distorted. I feel sorry for him, he's missing out on living. A 'healthy' man loves sex with His Wife, respects her, loves Her, doesn't need porn to get it up, has hobbies, interests, goals, ...there really are men like this. However, you can save your marriage if your husband is willing to Try. It has to be his choice to let go of porn...gradually? Well you've done the research, I hope you can help him, because if you do, you will get the rewards.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): I posted the other day. I'm the one who's husband mind-fucks everything.I've come across other forums like this one and have come to the conclusion that in every case,no matter how sexy,and no matter how willing the woman is to please her man, the guy will still look at porn no matter what.And, posts which say, "oh, just join him. Just act out what he likes." No! I don't think so. I don't think I'm going to let a dog fuck me in the ass. I don't think I'm going to let my grandfather rape me.But I have also found a site with some really great information. Here is an insert:"Whether your partner's addiction involved affairs, prostitution, molestation or 'just' masturbation or 'just' porn...you have lost a part of yourself as a result. A part of your innocence, your esteem, your stability, your ability to trust, your ability to invest yourself, your ability to experience intimacy: all of these values have been damaged in one way or another. And these are just a few of the inevitable consequences--you will explore many more in the lessons to come. Your healing depends on your ability to recognize these consequences and reverse the damage that has been done--sometimes with scars, sometimes leaving values stronger than they have ever been. Your healing must begin with reclaiming your life. Reclaiming your identity. Taking back what has been taken from you. It cannot begin by you trying to understand/control/support his addiction/recovery. In fact, you would do well to suspend any pressure you may have to make decisions on the fate of your relationship until you have rebuilt what has been damaged. Healing requires you to build a foundation for your life that is NOT dependent on the success of your partner's recovery. The workshop will walk you through this process, but it is important to know why you are doing it. It is because it is in YOUR best interest to do so. This is about YOU, not your partner and not your partner's addiction."Here is the site:http://www.recoverynation.com/partners/s1l1.htmOh, and something else from the site that was helpful was this check list for "warning signs of possible sex addiction"http://www.recoverynation.com/main/WarningSignsBrochure.pdfIt is said that, "This checklist may help identify a pattern in your partner’sbehavior that fits a general description of sexualaddiction/obsession/compulsion. Most of the individualbehaviors listed here are not in and of themselvesindicative of addiction. But altering a lifestyle becauseof them, keeping secrets, and negatively affecting others,makes it part of a destructive pattern. One to two“hits” in over 50% of the categories indicates youshould be seeking more information"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): The biggest reason why men become less interested in woman they marry or engage in a long-term relationship with is that these women constantly try to control everything they do.
If these women would stop being a BITCH and try being sweet and gentle, 90% of your problems would go away.
Second of all, regarding porn, if you want your husband to stop watching porn, you have to become more sexually attractive to him that the women in porn. My advice would be to learn to talk really filthy to him why you are having sex and do alot of super nasty stuff that you would normally not do.
Seriously speaking, if you''re not willing to do that, then find a wimp of a husband who doesn''t mind being beaten down by his wife in every capacity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I asked my husband yesterday,"If I was okay with you watching porn, would it make you more honest?"
I expected hesitation. I knew what that hesitation meant. So I went on to say, "I'll take that as a yes."
We've been married for 5 years. Before we were married I told him to get rid of porn. Before we were married I caught him trying to delete it from his computer before I found it on his computer, after I already told him to get rid of it. I am so pissed off that I decided to marry him any way. And no thanks to the advice I got from my mom," If you want to use that as an excuse to not get married than go ahead, " and my sister, "All men watch porn. That's just guys. It is no big deal."
So back to the conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I told him that I don't think it is the porn that bothers me as much as him hiding it. But then I find out that it is not just porn. He mind-fucks every pretty woman he sees. We went to the circus the other day with my four year old son. There are woman dancing around in bathing suites. At night after I am asleep, I wake up to him jacking off. It turns out that he was fantasizing about the women from the circus.
Now I know that the 16 year old girl he accused of flirting with him at a restaurant ended up in his sexual fantasies too. I looked her in the eyes. This is not just a woman in a magazine. Now I know that every time we go out and an attractive female comes along, he'll end up mind-fucking her that instant or later.
It bothers me that every single woman I look in the eyes that is attractive will end up being mind-fucked by my husband.
I told him to not be surprised if I end up dressing up and being flirtatious with other men so that I could be mind fucked by them.
You know, I'd like to look at porn to get back at him, but it doesn't do anything for me. And when it does, I feel like I am cheating on him. I feel like I am cheating on him when I get off to Kyle xy.
I know I am cheating on him. Orgasms take place in the brain. What makes you get off is what you are having sex with. End of story.
I already know that even if I had sex with my husband 4 times a day (which is as often as he gets off) he would still have the need to mind-fuck other women. Plain and simple, having sex with just me isn't exciting. It is boring.
I don't like having sex with my husband because he expects me to just suck his dick and get him off without me being warmed up to it. He treats me like a sex object. He treats me like the women he mind-fucks; sex objects.
I thought I wanted to be mind-fucked by other men to make me feel better. It turns out that this isn't the case. I don't want to be a sex object at all.
Yes, him mind-fucking any thing that walks makes me feel like a piece of crap. However, I feel much better knowing that there are countless woman going through what I am. It makes me feel like less of a piece of shit.
You know, I sincerely believe that men and women were never meant to be married in the first place. My husband agrees. But he says it is a lot better than the alternative, which is to have kids running around without fathers.
I said, well, maybe it would be better if all women were whores and we all just slept around with each other. Then no one would have to get jealous, 'cause everyone would be getting some.
He said, then America would end up like the middle east, where all women are whores and are treated like property.
I think the solution is to just not get married in the first place.
It feels awful knowing that the only way I can keep up this marriage is to pretend that it is okay for me to feel like a piece of shit while my husband mind-fucks the world. I think I'm just going to end up leaving him when I have a secure job. It's just stupid to stay married when I only have one life to live.
I've tired watching porn with him before. We had sex while watching porn. I felt like a piece of trash after ward. He wasn't having sex with me, he was just using me to act out having sex with the woman in the video.
And his mother isn't a help either. "Oh, just tell people what they want to hear and then do what you want."
What? How is anyone supposed to build a trusting relationship with that kind of attitude?
Let's face it. I want to cheat on my husband now. But that would be cowardly. I would rather divorce him first.
And what really frustrates me is that I know he is not the only male out there who mind-fucks every woman he sees. I'll be up against the same thing with every man I'd enter into a relationship with.
Someone please tell me, why do men bother getting married in the first place?
You know, it's not like back before porn was readily available husbands were good. They were just as bad before Playboy came along. They just got off to TV or other magazines, or went to the whore house.
Okay, and this issue: Porn and mind-fucking is not cheating. Then why do I feel as if I were cheated on? You may as well be cheating on me!
And, it starts off as porn. Porn is not enough. I want to chat with a live girl now. Now I want to act out my fantasy with a random stranger.
When I mind-fuck kyle xy and my husband is right next to me in bed, I think, well then what good are you for? I may as well be having sex with kyle xy, it's him that I'm thinking about, not you. He thinks it's okay for me to get off to other men.
Okay, so then I'll get off to someone I'm working with and not feel bad about it. Well, that isn't enough. Now I'll see if he'll let me act out my fantasies with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I really don´t understand why some women can say it is natural for a man to watch porn I don´t think there is nothing natural about porn. I have been with my boyfriend for more than 6 months and i hate to see porn on his computer i get very jelous and angry at him, i don´t like the idea of him jerking of while he watches others girls breasts. And i don´t understand how people can say it isn´t unhealthy, it is proven that if a guy watches porn he can have some very wrong ideas about sex, for example me and my boyfriend we have only made love 1 time!!! now it is all hardcore he likes to wrip my hair and all kinds of things but i wan´t to make some love sometimes, i don´t like to do the things that he sees when he watches porn!! and i think many girls get really jelous when they´re boyfriends is watching porn, so i don´t understand why we er just suppose to have no problem with it. It makes me feel very bad to know that he watches porn:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): My sex life was terrific with all of my boyfriends, including my husband before we got married. Right after we got married, starting the second month, our sex life is practically non-existence. If I am lucky, I would have sex 4-5 times a year. At that time, I thought I must have been the most undesirable person. After 15 years of trying to change him, situation only has gone from bad to worst. I have not had sex in 4 months now. I feel ungly, and angry toward him. For 15 years, he has been telling me that he is tired, stressed out and not interested in sex as much. One night, I found out that he has been surfing porn sites frequently. Obviously he is interested.....just not with me from the day we got married and for the next 15 years. I feel really hurt and betrayed. I have been living like a widow at 39 years for 15 years! I wish no other girls have to go through what I am going through. I have been depressed, sad and angry all these years.
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female
reader, morechoices9 +, writes (10 February 2009):
i have been going through that same bullshit for 20 years, i got fed up with talking it out ,being blame for it ,crying,so on and so on. i started cheating now hes happy with his movies and im happy with my boyfriend and it aint a damn thing he can do about it
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male
reader, swmbkerun321 +, writes (1 February 2009):
I am a man and the reason I watch porn (i am single though) is because I need sexual satisfaction and I'm disgusted with the female population. All women want and care about in a man is sex. Try taking an interest in other areas of his life. I know many in their twenties live boring lifestyles and all they know how to do is drink, have sex, and maybe work. I have many hobbies and can get busy. I need support and help. Once I received this, then maybe you could receive me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Well, I am sorry about reading that so many girls has the same problem like me.
I did ask my husband (2 years marriage) why I do not turn him on... and the answer was : I DO NOT KNOW... I just want to have sex like in the porn clips.
I am beautiful and I consider that I am hot... but he have been killing my self confidence.
I think that everything can work fine if we do not live together... Man just want to see the pretty girl that dress up to go out, not the normal wife that wakes up in the morning to do breakfast or laundry and then.. go to work... even if she is pretty... she does not wakes up with make up or high hills...
I guess we cannot do much about it... even if you do what he said he wants... will never be enough... just because you can talk... and the porn movies... DON'T TALK TO HIM, or ask for things.
Even the porn stars have the same problems, the also have been getting divorce... is just that men are never satisfy with what they have...
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female
reader, nellyst +, writes (23 November 2008):
I am in the same situation as you guys and they men are highly sexed!!!I have been married for just over a year now.. At the beginning of our relationship which was only 19 mnonths love making was fantastic, I had never felt anything like it!!! in my eyes I had met my soul mate in all areas!!! Once we moved in together things got very stressfull and our love making went down hill!! Within the last year or so we have had to overcome alot of problems we never thought existed!!! This however has hindered our sex life in a major way.. I am a highly sexed and emotional person, and want to make love to my husband as often as possible because i want to.. But this isnt the case with him..he is the complete opposite.. if things are going 100% with us then he is not interesed at all!!So i feel i have to tip toe around him and not be me just to have sex!! Yes i know, how sad have I become at 25!!!!It has got to the stage now where i am totally uncomfortable with sex as a whole. I am not confident at all!!!! Besides all of this, even though we dont have sex, my husbands gets himself off to porn when im at work or out of the house!! WHY!!! that makes me feel so insecure more so than anything!!! It makes me feel like shit, but he says he is more comfortable jerking off watching other women shagging than make love to me!!! It has been well over a month since we have had sex, I would intiate but I am way to uncomfortable now!! My confidence has been completely shattered!!!I dont know if I can continue feeling like this when it is such a natural thing to do!!! i went from miss kinky, adventurous try and enjoy shaggtastic girl to a mrs wham bam thank you mam!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): I have also been married almost a year and I am experiencing the same issues. Most men masturbate to porn because it requires no effort or foreplay. I also love sex, and I have just decided to seduce him when I want to make love. I would rather him masturbate than cheat on me. I do feel that porn takes away from your sex life but what else can you do? Men will be men so build your sexy self confidence and seduce your man! Good luck!
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female
reader, thizchik +, writes (24 October 2008):
ive only been with my boyfriend for 6 months and im 4 months pregnant, we moved awful fast i know but it seems like since i got pregnant its been an occational sex instead of at least once everyday like it was before. i dont know whats going on but im so deprved lately thats all i do is tell him i want to have sex but he is constantly turning me down, i dont know if its me or what but it really really hurts me that i can tell him that and two minutes later he is looking up porn on the internet. i think its a good thing that he at least doesnt hide it cus thats something we both used to do to get in the mood but now it doesnt lead to anything at all. i really dont know what to do. if anyone has an answer id really like to know. my sex drive is way up now and i dont know if i can do this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): You know, I'm really glad to see this post. Not because I disreguard your problems, but it makes me feel better because I'm having the same problems! I'm 28 and my b/f and I sound excatly like the you! I feel like I'm not good enough for him and I just don't know what to do! It has been over 3 months since we have had sex together and I feel like I'm just not good enough. Its like, its not just a man thing, its something that is effecting the relationship itself. After almost a year and a half of GREAT sex and him pleasing me everytime (that is at least 4 times a week) there is nothing. I'm almost to the point of just deleting the porn from his computer and telling him if I'm not getting any, he's not either! I think the biggest difference between our situations, is that I HAVE talked to him and told him how it makes me feel inferior and not good enough but he continues to do it. I'm to the point I just don't know what to do either. I hope your situation works out better than mine after you talk with him. Its very hard to say that you don't want to be with someone you love dearly because of something that seems almost meaningless to the other person. Good luck with your problem. If I get any insight, I will be sure to pass it along.
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female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (1 September 2008):
 I had a boyfriend who did this to me for most of our two year relationship. People like him find it hard to share a sexual experience and relate to others. I'm sure you two have or had a loving relationship or great sex at one point but over time as emotions cool so does this type of person's comfort to be intimate with you. Its really his problem and I know you love him. When I asked my ex why we weren't having sex he gave me a different excuse almost every month finally exploded at me that I wasn't trying hard enough for him. Which was not true I did pretty much all the things you were doing even buying expensive outfits I had him pick out. The truth is, he has sexual issues. I had wonderful awsome sex in the beginging of my former relationship but as he became used to the relationship he went back to his old ways of being closed off sexually. You're guy has a problem with being vulnerable and intamacy. Not you. Think about if this is what you want. A sexless marriage where the person isn't even making an effort to make you feel beautiful (that can be done without sex). Good luck I'm sorry I feel your pain.
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female
reader, irenke +, writes (31 August 2008):
I need a male's opinion....my husband NEVER has sex with me. He enjoys porn (unusual sites, i.e., women trampling men, women smothering men.) I have tried to do this to him, but he says no, he is ashamed. I put on sexy nitegowns and he has NO reaction. He promised to stop looking at porn, but I know he keeps doing it. He never takes me anywhere, never takes photos of me, though I beg him to. He never gets me gifts unless I ask him to and tell him what I want. I am so sad. I feel like an old woman, but people say I have a good figure and am very pretty. MALE READERS...does this mean he does not love me??? He has fallen asleep while I try to be the "male" and seduce him.
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female
reader, irenke +, writes (31 August 2008):
I am in the SAME situation. My husband never wants sex, but I catch him looking at porn, unusal sites, fetishes, woman hurting men, etc. Even if I initiate it, I do all the work. He does not touch me, just lays there and I have to be the "man" which makes me feel low and unwanted. Does this mean he does not love me or just does not want sex? He never takes pictures of me, never takes me out, although he will cook for me and comes home right after work. Should I leave him? I do not want to end up alone, but I feel I am already alone. He only had 1 relationship in the past and is in his 40's. He does not know how to turn me on, even though I tell him over and over again. He does not even try, and when he does do what I want, he is NOT turned on. I would like a male's opinion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): I am in a similiar situation, too. We've been married for 2 years and the last time we did anything was 2 months ago 1 time on a week long vacation to a gorgeous beach. Before that it was probably 4 months. I know I am not as fit as I was when we met and married, but I've never been skinny. I guess I should the problem coming when we only did it once on our HONEYMOON! I left my family and career to marry him and move across the country and it would be worth it if he at least made me feel like a desired part of his life. He essentially ignores me when we are together, except when he wants to wake me up early in the morning to go to the gym - I wouldn't mind going to the gym if it made any difference, but I've tried working out and training for 5Ks but it just revs my engines more wile he still doesn't want to have sex, so why should I bother? Every so often he'll give me a little whack on the butt after pushing me away when I try to kiss him all week, then blame me for the lack of sexlife - yeah, because I'm supposed to suddenly be turned on when I've had to shut my usual personality down to try to cater to him. To top it all off, since we met he's said that he wants kids - last time I checked that required HAVING SEX! I'm at the point that I'm seriously considerig a divorce. I've given up everything in my life already and I don't want to throw away the rest of it in a loveless marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): i completely know where you're coming from i am in a similar situation myself. my husband and i have been married for 2 years and are rarely intimate. i would say tops is 5 or 6 times a month. he makes me feel bad that i want him more than 6 times in a month and then turns around and blames it on me that we don't do it more often. he looks at porn sometimes when i'm sleeping in the other room. it drives me crazy knowing that on occassion he looks at porn before becoming intimate with me. i shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting my husband and neither should you. i feel that he has a legitimate problem and just wanted you to know that you aren't alone....i'm going through the same thing and its putting a huge strain on our marriage. one other thing i don't get is why guys say "porn is just something we guys do so get used to it". why should we get used to it? i think men should deal with their porn problems and help their marriages instead.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Male, 26.
Ok, so it was interesting to read all the posts and I am in a strangely similar, yet not so similar situation. I am dating a girl and I neeeeddd sex quite often. My girl is somehow not into it as much.. we do it two nights in a row and the 3rd night, she just doesn't feel like it... So, our frequency has been about 2-3 times a week, and thats at the high end. With my sexual desire, I need to watch porn. She's just not enough. She thinks me watching porn isn't a good idea, but she drove me towards it. And after I watch porn and help myself, I dont feel like having sex with her for some time. That could be another reason in addition to LazyGuy's list.
I could find another girl, but I like the one I am with - except the sex ofcourse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): OMG I am having the same problem!! And wouldn't you think the first year would be the best, most exciting?! I feel SO unsexy all I want to do is find the nearest stranger to snatch off all my clothes and tell me I'm the sexiest woman alive! I don't know what to do. I would have sex any hour of any day with my husband but as one week turns into two, I get more and more frustrated. On top of that, just like you, the second I leave he 'gets off" on his own, finds something to stimulate him on our computer or what seems like anything else in the entire world then to have me, his wife satisfy him. Uhhhhhhh!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Response To:
A male reader, LazyGuy + ?, writes (16 July 2008):
Porn is easy, far easier then a woman.
Thank you. I'm not being sarcastic in this. But I've waited a long time to hear a male finally tell the truth about this issue. As a Taoist and Mystic, I now know that I'm am incapatible with 99% of the male population. My finance, who claimed to be of the same belief when we met, will be free to have all the porn and cyber-sex he desires, free from me. If only he had explained it as well as you, we could have both not wasted so much time.
All I'll see in my rear-view mirror is just the dust.
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female
reader, crzybrownfan +, writes (16 July 2008):
crzybrownfan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers! My biggest problem is that he will be to tired to do anything with me and then the next day he will watch porn and help himself. If he kept me satisfied I don't think I would have a problem with the porn. It's like he see's his fantasies in porn and gets his fix there. SO that when we do have sex it is the same thing everytime, there is no romance. When he says, " Lets take showers and have sex". I know that when i get out he will use his finger for a minute and then we'll have sex. same thing every single time. I try to change it or be romantic but he doesn't get it. I've even tried telling him. I feel like its me and he's not attracted to me anymore.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 well first of all, you shouldnt have made him promise not to watch it anymore - this always frustrates me! porn is normal for men, not unhealthy...normal. its natural for them and it shouldnt be taken as anything but a 'hobby', and its not dangerous.
as for the lack of sex, have you tried having sex while watching porn together? its a huge turn on for both parties and you can learn new things and spice up your sex life.
also ask him wat he likes in porn and ask him if he'd be interested in taking it into the bedroom.
instead of separating porn and you, you need to join the 2 together, involve yourself with it and learn to enjoy it!
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male
reader, saltwater +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Firstly, most men will always watch porn; whether he is in a relationship or not. It's a fact. You are unlikely ever going to break a guys habit from watching porn. Right or wrong, that's the way it is.
But it doesn't usually affect a mans desire for real sex. In your case it has become a big problem. You need to talk to him about it.
You need to tell him what you're telling us! You need to tell him you don't feel wanted...*wanted* being the key word, after all you two are married!
If he has anything about him he will seek to change that. You don't need to fly into a rage at him, you need to be upfront and calm and tell him you don't feel wanted and say that it is upsetting you.
Try planning an extremely intimate night with him; one that doesn't just invlove sex but extreme intimacy and foreplay.
LazyGuy lists a lot of good reasons for your husbands reduced sex-drive; but intimacy is different...it gets to the soul. It's that intense feeling of mutual connection; that is something you need to find again with your husband.
If you can't find that mutual connection then think about seeking out some professional advice.
Good luck
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Porn is easy, far easier then a woman.
Imagine, if you as a woman ALWAYS HAD to have an orgasm, not just a regular but multiple orgasm including squirting.
You don't do you? That would quickly get tiresome and the pressure would take all of the fun out of it.
But men got to. Women can use lube if they are not excited enough or they are excited but the body isn't responding right. Men cannot, they have to get an erection and keep it up long enough and then ejaculate.
This might be too much. Coupled with the stress of marriage, life in general and the initial surge of hormones having died out maybe his sex-drive just died.
Porn is NOT a woman. Porn will not laugh if he doesn't get it up and porn doesn't care how long it lasts or wether you come together. You don't have to cuddle it, worry about its feelings etc etc. Porn is NOT a substitute for you. Rather it is an easy way out. He still has sexual desires but for whatever reason he just gets it out of the way rather then indulging in it.
The above is just one option.
How was the sex life before marriage? One of the hardest things I myself had to get used to with my gf is her attitude towards sex with me. She will only have it anytime, anywhere, anyway. That is not exactly the attitude most men are used to.
We men got the reputation that we are horn dogs constantly going for sex BUT the fact is that when we are single we need to. We are lousy hunters so we need to chase constantly to get any.
When in a relationship suddenly the rules change. We can get as much as we need and then all of a sudden it turns out that we don't actually need that much. How was his sex-drive before you took the attitude "I have never turned him down and I will do anything he wants."?
Depending on his experience he might not even 'know' women have needs to. Lets face it, if you spend years having to seduce women, bribe them, beg them for sex the idea that your gf/wife WANTS it might take some getting used to.
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Frankly there can be many reasons for his reduced sex-drive.
Stress
The initial rush having died down.
Never having had a high sex-drive.
Performance anxiety.
Cheating, either by him or by you or him suspecting you cheating.
Finding sex not rewarding enough/not giving a damn about your needs.
Failing health, getting out of shape.
Remember that if you are looking into this to remember that it is HIS point of view that matters. For instance if he has performance anxiety it doesn't matter if you are pleased with it, it matters that he thinks he ain't doing it right.
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A
female
reader, cupcake22 +, writes (16 July 2008):
 ok..what you need to do is find what he likes in that porn and bring it into the bedroom.find out what postions he likes and if how he likes it fast,slow,kinky,etc.then if he likes costumes.make him want you..thats what i do and it works.
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