A
female
age
41-50,
*andyc847
writes:My husband and I were best friends in high school and about a year through it, we started dating. He adored me and everything about me. I broke up with him sometime before our senior year. It crushed him. After school, I got married and after 4 years with him, we divorced. My husband now (boyfriend from high school) then saw my myspace page and got in contact with me. We went out the same night and it was like nothing had ever changed. We immediately fell back in love and everything was perfect. He treated me better than I'd ever been treated. He took care of my every need, etc. The perfect man!!! Then, after 6 months, I got pregnant, we got married, and I had the baby. Now things are terrible. He yells at me, calls me names, refuses to talk to me about any of our problems, and he won't take any responsibility for our situation. Every now and then, I can see the love he used to have. Very little of it, anyway. I love him, but my first husband did almost the exact same way, and I'm tired of hurting. He won't even kiss me anymore, much less hug or hold, and sex is so inpersonal. He only cares about his needs. What do I do????? Please Help???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (15 September 2008):
Hello there, this is Happylife again. Looks like to me that you already do everything I suggested. What I don't understand about your response is why you would be offended by me suggesting that you do something that even you agree is important; after all, you are already doing what I suggested. If nothing else, I expected you and I to be in complete agreement.
Now you mentioned that you believe that love is about caring for the person regardless of looks. Well this is true for women but false for man. The level of affection and romance in a relationship fades out in the man's side as his wife loses her sharp looks. This is not my opinion; it is a fact. It takes a conscious effort in the man's part to not allow fading looks to affect the affection and romance in the relationship.
A nice way to help you relate to how man find looks important just imagine that your husband said "you should love me even if I quit my job and become a bum and never support the family financially again, after all, love is not about finances but instead, it is about loving me for who I am." How would you feel about him?
Well, bottom line is that love between a husband and a wife is not just about loving one another for who they area; it also involves looks, finances, support, communication, affection, romance, honesty, faithfulness and etc.
Therefore, love between a husband and a wife is definitely never unconditional. If it were, you would just love your husband and never worry about the way he is failing to love you in return and would have therefore not posted this question.
Now, one thing I want to make clear is that I am on your side. By no means am I defending him. He should love you and treat you with respect and that is a must. The problems you described sound like to me that you are dealing with a husband who has lost respect and appreciation for his wife. The best way for a woman to fight that is with physical appearance. However, if you are wanting to know what to say to him in order to change the way he treats you and how to make him appreciate you again, then I believe that you are wanting to climb an invisible mountain. Before you can change a person, that person must want to change. If he is not willing to change then no amount of talking, counseling or advise will help.
Hugs,
Happylife
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Happylife, I am the writer of this article. My only comment to your response is that I don't walk around all day with my hair messed up and without make-up. I work for a doctor so I wear my scrubs all the time for work, which my husband used to find extremely sexy. I am not fat, nor do I wear clothes that make me look fat. I have lost a lot more weight since I got with my husband, in fact. Maybe I took it the wrong way but I really was offended by your comment. My looks are fine. Also, I always envisioned true love as your love for the PERSON you are in love with, and I don't think him gaining weight or letting himself go (in fact he already has) would make me love him any less.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): I think you and your hubby need counceling to get things back on track and if that doesn't work maybe you should get out of the relationship and get counceling for yourself esteem. There is more to life than having a man in your life, find a hobby that you enjoy and take care of yourself and your child, go back to school if you need to but get out now.
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Somebody PLEASE coment on what "Happylife" had to say...
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (11 September 2008):
Hey there, sorry to hear about your challenge.
I am a husband and I'm going to feel you in on how to earn respect from a man. This is a concept that most women don't understand, however, you may have already done it. However, if not then try this tactic and I'm sure that you will instantly see a difference.
The best way for a woman to earn her husbands respect is for her to look better and better each day. If you don't already I would suggest that you begin to dress up a lot more. Find a friend that looks good all the time and ask her to help you dress better. Do your make up and look your best even when you are at home. If you watch soap operas I'm sure you'll notice how the ladies are always looking really sharp even when they are wearing their robes at home after the shower. They always look sexy, classic and sharp. They never have messy hair, and don't wear clothes that make them look fat or off-shape. They keep their hair neat, their teeth white, they workout and stay in shape and always dress well.
This tip will most definitely make things better and in your marriage. I promise!!
Once you complete this step, let me know the results you got.
Hugs,
Happylife
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