A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. As strange as it might sound, I'm having trouble getting my boyfriend to have sex.- We're both 20 years old- We're extremely attracted to each otherI think we're both crazy about each other but I have the bigger sex drive, apparently.So far we've only had sex once. The way I see it, it was pretty much as perfect as a first time could get, specially considering it was unplanned. We were totally attuned to each other, he lasted for over an hour, we pleasured each other and in the end he came (I almost did, but the soreness of the first time prevented me).That time I performed oral sex on him. I'm pretty sure I was good at it (I read a lot about it previously) and at the time I asked him if I was doing it right and got a REALLY good response. -- But when we talked about it afterwards, he said he didn't like having someone do oral sex on him.After this first time I gave him lots of chances for us to do it again, seduced him and all... but he hasn't done anything. He'll stick to making out.I don't think our attraction decreased... at least he still kisses me and touches me hungrily and I'm pretty sure he gets excited.I'm puzzled. What can I do to get him to have sex with me? And have you heard of similar cases where guys don't like oral sex? What can I do to make him like it? (I liked doing it to him and I'd be sad to see him miss out on something pleasurable)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Why did i assume the worst? Mostly becuase of the line follwing: Make him jealous, as in if things don't happen, you will find someone else but you cannot just blurt it out.I am thinking this man has some emotional needs and that this could hurt him, no matter the subtly. but if you could give specific examples besides that. When you say appearance.. I can only think.. looking a way hat would attract other men if needed? But not actually planning on having other men? Bu tnot stating either of those to the spouse? It's a hampster. I like it a lot. I have a really cute hampster, even cuter than my avatar. I wrote in my bio how cute it is and how that makes me qualified. I'm not sure what you're referring to as far as me being anon goes.. are you a MOD? that's the only way you would know. Usually I use anon when there's somethign that I don't want revealed about myself, part of my past or so. But sometimes I mess up and accidently write "SY" at the end and have to ask the MOD to deleat it before posting. I'm glad you appreciate my answer. Someone out there really, really doesn't though. Ntot an OP but a reader. I lost my little heart thing over night and that makes me sad.. as it's always been there. ~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): To sincerely yours,1. I really like your icon. It is a hamster or gerbil or some other cute thing.2. Yes I have an account but I have an unusual combination of degrees that in combination with my screen name, age, station in life, and location in the U.S., could easily identify me. I would prefer to remain anonymous. I notice you also prefer to remain anonymous and use a screen name.3. You have seen my posts all over because obviously you also look all over to see them and also frequently post on this site.4. I appreciate your response to some of the questions. You seem to empathize very well with some of the questioners. Often though I think some commenters (not necessarily you) say how they would react personally and do not attempt to think through what might be best for the questioner. I attempt not to empathize at all. What I attempt to do is "zoom out" and look at the situations analytically. 5. Many questioners seem to have a lot of confusion on some factual medical matters. In many cases I am well qualified to provide correct facts and so I do.6. Specifically, the kind of jealousy to which I think you refer is indeed ugly. I trust you took notice of the abundant disclaimers and cautions that came with my post. The kind of jealousy to which I refer is some subtle action or activity that would increase the value of the relationship in the eyes of the guy. You use such things every day yourself, you just call it something different like confidence or appearance or perhaps merely what, when, and how you speak or otherwise communicate with your partner. Ultimately, it is something you do to increase the value of the relationship in the eyes of your partner. I would never advise anyone to enter or remain in a relationship with a partner that did not value the relationship and you probably wouldn't either.I don't know if I help anybody with my comments on this site except for the few that write back thanking me; I am not jealous of any other commenter as I think a variety of responses is probably useful to some questioners. However, in person I do have a good record with advising the use of this subtle technique: I saved one marriage and established another. Both women were very appreciative and drew a conclusion squarely opposite from your conclusion of "ugly." In the end, if and when and for whatever reason this questioner desires another relationship, well then she will very likely create another relationship. So, the possibility of a rival relationship was there all along, just like it is for you. I believe that contingency tends to create value in a relationship. So I did not mean to offend anyone's sensibilities but I hope it is now clear what I meant by use of the word jealousy. Why did you immediately think the worst?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): to "i am a guy" I think jealousy is an ugly thing and should try to be avoided in relationships, absolutely not instilled into them. Especially if there IS something emotional behind his problems, then she could be troubling him further by threatening to find it elsewhere. But mostly i am curious.. do youo have an account? i've seen what i think are your answers all over the place. You always say something about being a guy.. I'm just wondering why you don't use your screename..
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It sounds like he DID physically enjoy everything that happened. There maybe somethign deeper preventing him. Somethign emotional. Has he been through any experiences that would make him stray from sexual activity? For instance, sexual abuse as a child? He may have gotten caught up in the moment and his mind was set free, but as soon as he was thinking clearly again it scared him. I would dig into his past and his emotions and see if there's anything relevant. ~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I am a guy.
Make him jealous, as in if things don't happen, you will find someone else but you cannot just blurt it out.
This must be done very subtly, but you must get your message across. If he is a heterosexual male past puberty it will work.
CAUTION: Jealousy is a VERY powerful thing. A little can help in all kinds of ways. A little too much and things can really blow up or fall apart.
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