My husband disrespected me, should I go back to him?

Tagged as: Family, Friends, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues

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Question - (30 July 2012)

2 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2012)

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband is 4 years older than me, we got 3 kids together he's a great father and a loving husband, he's such a nice guy, meaning he's always out there somewhere letting other women cry on his shoulders whenever they in need for someone to talk to. This got to the point that he got wayyyyyy too many female friends and not just that they start to call everyday asking for advice, wanted to hear his voice, or they r bored......This start to make me angry cause he'a always on the damn phone when he's off work when I needed help with the kids since I work too. Some of these women call him and I answer the phone if he's in the bathroom they immediately hang up on my face, they rejected me when I add them on FB they just refuse to talk to me for some unknown reason his phone constantly got msm from them which makes me force him to STOP talking to them cause I feel being disrespected by them. This is 4 years ago and I just recently got on our computer he forgot to log out FB SO I went on and click on private msm, he's been talking to these girls that ignored me all this time on FB, he promised me 4 years ago that he will stop talking to them if they act like that towards me, he don't want to ask them WHY they hate me cause he don't want to hurt their feelings. I was so heart broken that he's ok with his female friends treating me the way they do and still talk to them like they didn't do anything wrong or hurt my feelings so I decided to file for a divorce I've had enough I have reached my limit I don't want to deal with his kind, I told him he choose his female friends feelings over me and my children now I want out, I don't want to deal with him disrespecting me, he listens to other women's feeling before he listens to me, seeing him now makes me sick I feel betrayed and hurt, I got rid of all my male friends and change my number just b/c he said they ignored him and they want to sleep with me so I nip it in the butt. He's is begging me to come back like a mad dog I still love him but theres NO TRUST left in me, I have a very hard time forgiving when someone hurts me deep I hold grudges thats why I don't think is a good idea to forgive him, Is there anyone out there that deal with my situation? I want to bring my family together but lying to me is like cheating, he's always going to be a liar I'm scared to go back to him, I don't want to get hurt again, he keeps telling me that he was so blind, he thinks that since were married I'm his for life and he don't want to lose everything and gain nothing, problem is our kids kept asking for their dad and it breaks my heart.

View related questions: divorce, liar

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A female reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 July 2012):

The problem is that he is a complete hypocrite - he thinks of you as his possesion so you cannot do a single thing to upset him, but he has one rule for you and one rule for himself.

I dont think you should go back to him at all, you have given him enough chances and if he really loved you he would have stopped talking to these women. These are more than friendships if women are saying to him that they want to hear his voice, and they are definitely more than friends if they hang up when you answer the phone. It shows that they are interested in him romantically and are jealous that he has a wife.

I know it will be hard with the children, but at the end of the day it will be worse for them if they have an unhappy mom who is arguing with dad all the time. They need a peaceful happy environment, and your husband simply cannot give you that because he is a liar and cheat (yes he is cheating - this is emotional cheating). You have given him more than enough chances to change, and he didnt love you or resepct you enough to bother then, so he is not going to change all of a sudden.

The kids will find it hard at first, but they will be better off in the long run if you and your husband separate permanently. Dont give in and go back to him, you deserve better. Leave him to all his women, he will have plenty of them to keep him company.