A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband and have ben married year. for as long as ive known him hes been concerned with the way i dress.he dictates how i dress.im not allowed to wear short dresses or hot pants or low cleavage showing tops.he expects me to dress like a nun.i havea very good figure for my age and want to show it off and make the most of my good body.i think it might be making him feel inferior. i dont know.what should i do?each time i ask what issues he is concerned about he says im hot but dont want other men looking at me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): Hey there!I live in a country where women cover head to toe cause its the law! Now, I appreciate abaya I really do because of what it does in a public atmosphere. Your husband's intention is that he is proud to have you, but he doesn't want to showcase you, like a trophy. I've known men to do that I just want express my distate to their face. You do have the right to where what you wish and when you want to. A compromise is need here. For example, I think it would be best to just dress on occasion. Like when you go out, wear something sleek sexy and not too revealing possibly.I had a strict christian GF for five years and we found our dressing compromise by doing the "on occassion" thing and it worked out. He's also trying to protect you and he hates other men looking at you in particular ways because he doesn't want them undressing you in their minds... that's deep respect right there, but a line draws with control and that's where the compromise needs to come in, because a woman has her rights to be respected. Good luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 While I would not like , or tolerate either, on principle, a partner that wanted to decide what I can wear or not, I can understand how your husband may be surprised and annoyed by your need to constantly propose yourself as an object of desire and feel validated by male leering stares. Also considering that for professional reason you've got plenty of chances to strut your stuff. Most women do not feel this need for 24/7 reassurance about their erotic attraction power.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): OP if he's always been like this then why are you only taking issue with it now?Also if you're always getting compliments then people are already seeing what you got, is there really any need to go any further?Basically I'm just wondering why an exhibitionist such as yourself would marry such a conservative guy. I have to say I'm not a fan of my girlfriend doing that either. If she's going out clubbing or the occasion suits it then fine. Either way she's free to wear what she wants, I won't stop her. But if wearing hotpants and low cut tops with leopard skin prints is what she started wanting to wear as her daily attire, then I'd start to get very pissed off the amount of pervy attention she'd get. Especially seeing as she looks far more classy and beautiful in her form fitting jeans and tanks tops etc. Guys still check her out but when she's wearing the clothes you describe she don't just check her out they stare for longer and leer. The one problem I see here is this OP, all of sudden you're turning around and basically telling you husband you want more male attention. That's it. After all this time you suddenly want to be leered at openly by other guys and frankly I'd be worried too if my girl suddenly wanted that too.You see you already get checked out, you already get compliments but you're saying that's not enough you want to be sleazed on and leered at. And yes approached by guys a lot more often too.I don't understand that need. You've had this body a long time, if you'd recently lost weight and wanted to boost your confidence or something by having people notice it more I might understand but you're a nude model so you've had this figure a long time.I just don't get why to be honest. What is it you want? What does "make the most mean"? To me making the most means climbing mountains etc before I'm too old to do so, but to you it seems attracting men is making the most and you already have a husband.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni forgot to mention i genuinly look half my age so can get away with wearing skimpy stuff. i get loads of compliments from people when i do and not just men.i am a full time nude model so this is another reason i dont understand why my husband wont allow me to dress how i feel happiest.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 Why do you do as he tells you? You aren't his child you are his wife.
I would tell him he ought to be PROUD to have a hot wife.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): Hi
At 40 if you want to wear hot pants WEAR THEM ..if you got it :) and you obviously have, Wear what you want. Nobody should dictate your wardrobe and that includes society and the age remarks , totally rediculous because a lot of twenty year old's can not wear hot pants, so age has nothing to do with it. I bet your husband met you in the same style of dress. If you want to be a nun then dress like one....if you don't, then why should you. Just be you and i am sure you embarrass nobody...
He loved you for you .....so why change now?
spunky monkey
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 May 2011):
 What you wear is no one else's business but your own concern. You are an adult and can wear what ever you like. Your husband is not your father dictating his rules. Clearly you are very proud of the fact that you have retained your figure. As you should be proud of it too. Well done to you, for that.
In fact it may be that your husband was first attracted to you because your body looks Hot hot hot. Congratulations, he's a lucky guy.
You can still look extremely 'hot' without needing to display all your assets on the one table.
Looking 'hot' can be more effective if it is done with subtle touches, rather than blatant advertising of your assets, no matter what your age.
You do not need to dress like a Nun.
Yet you can still dress in a way that shows both judiciously good taste and allows others to see what really good shape your body is in.
At the Royal Wedding Princess Catherine's mother demonstrated that she has a very good body and is very attractive. It was there for all to see. Princess Catherine's mother looked divine in her blue outfit.
Whereas Camilla looked more matronly than she needed to look.
But would either of them looked good if they turned up to the wedding in a lurex net RaRa skirt? Or hot pink hot pants? Or a tight laced black satin bustier with breasts spilling out over the top?
It becomes a little more interesting and keeps that magic ingredient of 'subtle' alive, if we girls hold a little back, rather than putting all the stock in the front window.
Looking 'hot' is one thing, but really making the best of what we have and looking good still takes skill.
You should not need to dress frumpy. But nor do you need to dress in a way that has people raising eye brows once your back is turned.
When you are next shopping in a major shopping centre, where they often put on shows of how to look good, make sure you put up your hand to have one of the stylists do a make over of your personal style.
And after it is done examine how the stylist has dressed you using a range of choices that do show how very very hot you look, without losing an intriging subtlety that really will have heads turning for all the right reasons.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Sorry but hotpants at 40 definitely a no no! It's about dressing to compliment not to embarrass.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 May 2011):
 It's certainly possible he's just controlling or insecure, but before you decide that's the case, examine your own motivations and behaviors to see how they are affecting him.
Is he concerned that you're more interested in showing it off for him, or for other men? If the latter, I can see why he'd be upset. Are you trying to make him jealous or insecure, or do you just not care if he feels that way?
Now, there's a long way between short skirts and nun-wear. You should talk to him. Find a compromise. Be honest with each other about your motivations. It could be that all he needs is some reassurance that you're not doing it to get attention from other men. Take things gradually - rather than going straight from a habit to a thong, work in some tighter clothes or shorter sleeves first, before showing a hint of cleavage next week, and some ankle the week after.
As one possible compromise, try dressing up when you go out with him, then pay lots of attention to him the whole night. You'll get to dress up and show off, and he'll know you're not doing it to hurt or ignore him. Maybe you can work up to going out on your own that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Wow..I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you're still with a "man" that disrespects you so much that he "dictates" anything to you. I wish you had more respect for yourself than to allow him to treat you that way. I highly suggest that you find a good counselor/therapist to help you develop some self-respect..you're going to need it in order to deal with what's in store.You didn't mention/allude to this, I'm not psychic, but I'm going to guess that he's controlling in other/all aspects of your life. He's beginning to demonstrate the typical pattern of an ABUSIVE HUSBAND. He's probably disrespected you by putting you down, name-calling, physically grabbed/blocked you (if he hasn't hit you YET), treated you as his inferior, undermining your self-esteem so that he can be confident that you'll be so terrified of him and uncertain of what your own eyes tell you that he can treat you however he likes and you'll never leave him.Walk away while you still can.
...............................
|
