A
female
age
41-50,
*eaning less
writes:My husband Is cheating and denies ces So rude towzrds me and everytime He tells me am So,fat,uselesscalls me idiot.he sends secret messages to a particulzr girl,once i asked himhe shouted and got annoyed of me and pretend he didnt know anything. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 February 2015):
I don't know enough to give you really helpful advice. But I have a little bit that you may want to consider.
As wise owl said, leaving may not be an option. Unfortunately that makes changing things difficult. You have no leverage.
The best solution then may be to get in shape and make yourself useful. Are you a house wife? If so, make sure the house is taken care of and that you're cooking good food. And you should start working out... a half hour a day goes a long way. Even if you can't go to a gym there are plenty of routines online that you can do from home.
I know my advice is sexist in a way, but if that's the reality of your situation then better advice will be useless.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Before I answer a question, I note the age and the national flag above an OP's post. I'm glad we get these small clues before we start tossing out advice that may be culturally impossible to consider. I know that in many cultures and countries, men are given complete rule and domain over their wives and families. The problem is, many of these men are cruel and torment the women they've chosen to marry. I know that some women who write us for advice are simply venting their pain, fear, and frustration. Their situations don't always allow them to just up and walk.
Someone asked what is your question? Because from the outside looking in, the obvious remedy is to leave him. They are absolutely right. You can't shoot holes in the truth. You may or may not have chosen to be with this man as long as you have. You may fear him so much, you wouldn't consider leaving someone who could thrash you with such filthy and mean language. If the laws of your land gives you rights as a woman; if you have the courage and the strength, your only hope is to leave this man. He's too old to change, and he's done too much damage to you emotionally to waste anymore of your time waiting to see if he ever will. Short of leaving a man who can say that to you, all you can do is stand your ground and demand he show you respect. I think he has had too much practice verbally-abusing you over the years; and you've allowed it so long, it's part of the daily routine in your life. If you choose to stay, then take your medicine.
I'm glad you didn't, like so man women, write the words: "but, I love him!" Because my only response to that would be a question. WHY???!!!!
Perhaps you stay because he provides you food and shelter.
Maybe he threatens to beat you or will take your children from you. Let me tell you my dear lady; where there is a will, there is a way. By whatever faith you believe, by whatever values you were taught from a small child, through whatever education you've acquired; you know that no man has a right to be cruel to you. You also know there is no reason to remain in such conditions when you are old enough to take care of yourself. If dependency is your reason for staying, then perhaps this is the time to achieve your independence. You will have to stand-up to him and demand that he stop talking to you in such a way. If he refuses, then you have to remove yourself; and find a place you don't have to endure his cruelties.
I want to bring you the comfort in knowing, that he says these things; because he knows as a man and a husband, he has failed you in every-way possible. He is a loser. He doesn't know how to treat a woman. He lacks so much in character, he takes his shame and frustrations out on you. He sees the disappointment and disgust in your eyes, so he lashes out at you for it. It's what you don't say to him that he knows he deserves to hear, that he gets so angry at you. He hates himself. So he blames you; because society and culture gives him the authority and power to say and do as he pleases, because he is a man.
Sometimes the only reasonable answer we can give you is to leave. You can't reason with a man who wants to break your spirit and doesn't have a molecule of respect for you. When you do find the strength and the courage to leave, I want to make this prediction. He will promise you the world and claim he will change if you comeback. Leave, and take your children. Don't ever look back. All you need from that man is child-support if you have dependent children. If your children are adults now, then it's time you start living again as a woman. Don't let the fear of loneliness or struggle make you remain in a hell of a marriage. You will find your peace when you decide you have to take care of yourself. When you decide to let go of that honey badger (Google it) of of man, then you'll find your peace.
I didn't even bother to address the cheating. That in itself is your motivation.
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A
female
reader, xKittyx  +, writes (14 February 2015):
Hi,
This guy sounds absolutely horrible! He is a bully; he calls you names and puts you down. Also, he is an untrustworthy liar. The only reason he got annoyed at you when you saw the texts is to try and make you feel guilty, and cover up the fact that you know he's cheating.
WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM????!
Best wishes,
Kitty x
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (14 February 2015):
 I forgot to add at the bottom of my other response that you don't deserve this and you should leave so that you don't get hurt by him any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): I am so sorry for you. Why does he say these things? What is the conversation like when he does?
You should have a calm, but serious talk to him and let him know he is never to speak to you that way again
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (14 February 2015):
What's the question? You know you need to leave him for cheating. You know you need to leave him for his abusive words (name calling). You know you need to leave him. Full stop. No excuses.
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