A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband came home from trip abroad. While i was unpacking i saw a burberry perfume i sent him a picture of it.. ang replied” for my colleague”... the perfume is obviously for women. He messaged again he said “ did i do anything wrong?” I felt something fishy when he become so defensive.. I don’t know how to feel right now... is it okay to give an expensive gift for a female colleague? Or is it a proof that my husband is cheating and he like his colleague? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2018): If he has bought it for a female collegue then yes he is interested in her to say the least,or if not something going on between them already. If I were you I would try to see her to see if she is young and pretty.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): I’m guessing if you ask him why he brought perfume back for a colleague, he’ll most likely say that person asked if he could find that perfume and bring it back for them. It may be something you can’t find anywhere locally. However, if he says he brought it back for that person because he thought she (he?) might like it, then I would ask him why not just a trinket or key chain instead of perfume? I wouldn’t do something crazy and leave him but I would certainly let him know you’re concerned about it. Us men make really, really dumb mistakes throughout our whole lives, and it’s only because we try to have the best intentions in mind, but don’t think things through like females do. My guess is it was done out of innocent stupidity, and once he knows you feel hurt over it, he most likely won’t do that same mistake twice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): I didn't even know that a man buying perfume for another woman is considered an intimate gift. The first question I'd ask him would be "Why didn't you get me one?" LOL... I wouldn't think too much into this. Just ask him, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (22 February 2018):
Here's one innocent explanation: Men have a difficult time buying gifts for women...Christmas is a total dilemma for all the men I know. If a man heard that a particular perfume was good, I can see him buying it for someone he owes a gift.
Your husband left the "evidence" in his suitcase, apparently knowing that you were going to be unpacking it. Had he considered it a no-no, he would not have done that.
I think you are a long way from having proof that your husband is cheating.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 February 2018):
 It isn't the norm, for a man to give a (potentially)female colleague, or a female friend, a bottle of perfume when he's married.
This is regarded, as a very personal gift and your husband would know this.
Sit down with him, be calm yet direct, asking him who exactly is this colleague (their gender/connection to him) and why he gave this person a bottle of perfume.
Did they ask him to buy/bring it for them?
Did he buy it as a "thank you" gift, for something specific/special that they did for him at work?
Or worst case scenario, did he buy this perfume for a female colleague that he admires or even likes very much?
As his wife, you deserve and demand to know.
You want to firstly establish, if this colleague is female/male, then you can make more sense from your husbands response.
If his colleague does turn out to be a woman and she did not ask him, to buy her any perfume, then you should let your husband know that him buying her such an intimate gift, is completely out of bounds and you will not accept nor condone such behaviour.
Your husband will most likely get very defensive once again, but so be it.
You need to set YOUR "boundaries", of what you will and will not accept/allow within your marriage.
If your husband truly cares about you, your feelings and the marriage that you both share, then he won't go ahead with handing this personal gift to his female colleague.
You've nothing to worry about and only everything to gain here, because this experience in itself, will bring out the best/worst in your husband and his true colours.
If he truly respects/loves and cherishes you, he will not go ahead with this, but moreso, you'd expect him to tell you the truth, regardless of what his motives were.
It's always better to find out straight away, rather than to find out way down the line.
Most unfortunately, you must also prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.
I'm sorry and i do hope i'm completely wrong here, but how will you deal with this, if your husband does admit to you, that he does work with a woman that he really likes and yes, he did buy this perfume for her, bec he likes her as more than just a mere colleague?
I think that no matter what, it's always best to find out the truth, however good or bad, bec this way, you can then decide where you take your relationship/marriage going forward.
Ask your husband this question,
How would you feel, if you found out, that i bought expensive aftershave for a male colleague?
I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2018): IF it was a gift, it is totally inappropriate and he knows it. Men fake ignorance when they've been caught doing something they shouldn't have. They think they will be in less trouble playing dumb. HA! Jokes on them! Time for a long talk with hubby.
...............................
A
female
reader, Onemoretime +, writes (21 February 2018):
I’d let him explain with the nicest, non judgmental look on my face. I’d ask him why he brought her that. Maybe she asked for something duty free. Or she sent him a great client and the perfume was a thank you (still to personal though), Or he promised to bring her something from overseas but picked something a bit too personal.
Or... he’ll talk way too much, and his explanation won’t make a bit of sense then you’ll know what is up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (21 February 2018):
 Was it actually a gift as such or did she ask him to buy it her in duty free? Big difference.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 February 2018):
 Yeah, I wouldn't jump straight to "cheating" yet, but like the others pointed out, perfume is an intimate gift that is inappropriate for a man to buy for a woman who isn't his wife. This would be similar to if one of your co-workers or good male friends went abroad and brought you back beautiful jewelry, like a ring or necklace. By wearing the perfume, it's a subtle way to "mark" someone as yours, same as wearing the jewelry. If it were back in high school, it's like wearing the boyfriend's letterman jacket or class ring.
It's too early to accuse, but you ARE right in that he's being inappropriate, AND it's possible that this relationship he has with the co-workers is in danger of taking a turn into "emotional affair" territory.
I would be uncomfortable accepting a gift like that from anyone besides my husband.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2018): It doesn't prove he is cheating, but perfume is considered an intimate gift. Somewhat inappropriate for a married-man to be offering a female-colleague. You don't expect him to admit he has designs on another woman, but you should keep your eyes open.
At best, you should not confront or attack him based on suspicion. You need real evidence, but consider this to be only soft-evidence. Inform him that you feel very uncomfortable about his giving that kind of gift to a lady colleague. It sends the wrong message; even if it wasn't intended the wrong way.
Yes, he did do something wrong. He is offering an intimate gift to another woman. He's married, and he should only offer you that sort of gift.
As a rule, being a married-man, it is best he didn't offer gifts to women he isn't related to. Gifts to women is considered a token of your feelings; so she could read it the wrong way, and it could cause him problems at work as well.
Bottom-line, if your wife doesn't like it; you did the wrong thing. Feel free to print this out and show it to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2018):
 While I do think buying perfume and other "intimate" presents (such as jewelry, perfume, negligees etc.) to coworkers (when you are a married man or woman) - so people don't know those "unofficial rules".
While (to me at least) it's COMMON SENSE - it doesn't mean it is to everyone else.
I would ASK him if he was OK with you buying a perfume for a male coworker. See what he says.
I don't think it's PROOF that he is cheating.
Could the coworker be a man who asked your husband to buy one? (for the coworkers wife/GF)?
Or could it be that a FEMALE coworker asked him to buy one (and she will pay him back for instance). If it was cheaper where he went.
Instead of accusing him of cheating or liking this other woman, maybe have a conversation of what you think is OK and what is NOT OK when it comes to gift-giving.
...............................
|
