A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I found out by chance that my husband of 24 years bought a work colleague a 'valentine' gift of a heart necklace this time last year.He actually ordered it on valentines day so it didn't arrive until at least the day or two later.He is saying that it was just a gift as she was going through a hard time and ordering it on Feb 14th was coincidental (he'd seen it in the Sunday mag and thought it would 'cheer her up').Looking back, I can't see how he could have conducted an 'affair' with anyone as he was always home on time etc. but am obviously very worried at him buying such a gift for another woman. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): As for your husband always being home on time?? I had been seeing this man for two years. Never ever thought he would have an affair. Always home on time. I could always get him on the phone anytime. But I did find out he had an affair while I was with him. I confronted him with it and at first he denied it but I had evidence in front of me and he had to confess. I am still with him. Why I don't know. Trying to get over an affair is really difficult. But be careful. Just because he is home on time doesn't mean he isn't having an affair. He timed everything perfectly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): I feel bad for you! this same thing happened to me. My husband gave some woman he worked for Christmas gifts etc because he was having an emotional affair. I could imagine how you felt. Your husband's behavior is questionable. You need to find out what their relationship is about. Its definitely NOT appropriate to give another woman a symbol of love(a heart) in the form of jewelry or anything else when you are married, near Valentine's Day! What a slap in the face.Find out why from your husband, he would do such a thing.
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A
female
reader, Fornorina +, writes (17 February 2010):
 I take it that he doesn't buy you gifts like what he brought for that women?
There's something about what you have said that makes me wonder whether this guy is really worth it, because it seems like he is just going to start doing this more and more. And to be honest, this might just be the only time that you will find out about this type of thing - you need to speak to him to save what you have together because you will only get hurt more and more if you don't voice your opinions.
He should have at least told you as well. And the "I thought it would cheer her up" is a BIG DEAL because I think we both know that it's not just to "cheer her up".
- Fornorina
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): i think you should discuss this as a matter of urgency. she may well be going through a difficult time but is a necklace appropriate? is her vulnerability making him feel 'manly'?
ask him how he would feel if a man sent you a necklace or you bought a male colleague jewelery. if he saw an advert in a sunday mag why wasn't his first question 'would my wife like this?' because he was thinking of his colleague!
there are real danger signs here. suggest that he invites her home for dinner. if he really wants her to feel supported he will gladly accept your offer. if not, he's in denial about his own motives for 'supporting' her
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A
female
reader, scrambled brain +, writes (14 February 2010):
I'm sure you all remember me.
Well we've been plodding along trying to have a normal life since my discoveries over the last 2 years of my husband's text cheating/emotional affair etc.
Last night we went out for a valentines dinner and were drinking pink champagne after the meal. This time last year things weren't as bad but more revelations came to light since, as you will know if you've followed my story.
One was the other woman saying she wasn't the first and this fitted in with suspicions I had 9 years ago.
I can never stop thinking about his 'other woman' and last night was no exception. Before we had left the restaurant I started bringing it up and said things like 'don't you dare to give me a card saying to the love of my life' when I know I'm not and also said 'I suppose I'll just be getting a poxy bouquet as usual not a tiffany heart' like the woman he bought one for 9 years ago.
To avoid further embarrassment he paid the bill and left me finishing my drink and walked home ahead of me.
I've spent all night crying as I often do.
I know he's bought me a beautiful card cos I found it in his wardrobe when putting in some shirts and sure enough it is 'to the love of my life' with a heart wrenching verse.
Well, this morning he told me to f-off and wouldn't hardly speak. He gave me the bouquet and said 'bin it if you want'. He didn't give me the card nor me his.
This is the first valentines in 39 years since we met that this has happened.
He did give me a kiss on the way out to golf and has texted that he's sorry to have caused my grief. Words I've heard a million times but they don't help.
Does anyone out there think I will EVER lead a normal life again and be able to overcome my devastation at his betrayals?
Do you think I acted out of order (I so wanted everything to be perfect) or do you think he should accept that he's caused irretrievable damage to my heart?
He's been the perfect husband since all this (well as far as I know) but the trust has gone.
Thank you xx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (13 February 2010):
 I am also not convinced on this one. The timing is really out and the fact that he kept quiet is a bit odd. Of course he could have not mentioned it because he didn't think it mattered or he could have not mentioned it because he would have thought you wouldn't like it, only you would know how he would view your reaction. It also depends on what he bought you and when he purchased it. However I don't think many women would like their husband buying another woman jewellery of any description. Emilyanswers makes a very good point that if he is viewed as the office Dad then maybe he was just being nice to a girl who was a bit sad at that moment in time. If he is good looking and charming though I would be very careful and keep an eye on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): I wouldn't think it was suspicious, but the fact that he didn't tell you makes it a big deal.
It seems acceptable, although a little odd, that he would buy a coworker something nice if she was feeling down, but to not tell his wife about it?
I think you should talk to him about this more, and tell him about your worries.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 February 2010):
I think it depends a lot on the type of necklace and their relationship and the type of man your husband it.
In other words I think it's probably impossible for anyone who doesn't know you personally to judge.
If you husband is a nice guy and the office dynamic is that he's a bit older and is kind of the "Dad" of the office then buying her a little silly trinket to cheer her up when she's feeling really low and like no one will ever love her... well that's just a really nice thing to do. It just means you've picked a great guy to marry.
You know him the best. You know the type of man he is.
It might be a good idea to talk more with him about his day and about the people at work, so you get to know them and his relationships with them just by hearing about them over dinner.
That way if he does buy someone a pack of Minstrels because they were looking sad then you'll know about it and you can give him a hug and tell him how you love that he's so nice.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): I don't know about this. I have a feeling that even if he hasn't had an affair yet, this could be the start of one.
To me it doesn't seem right a married man buying a necklace for another woman. Nor would a married woman buying another man a gift be right either.
Your husband should have at least told you about it earlier if nothing sneaky is going on.
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