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My husband and I are separated. We are starting to communicate, but scared to get too close. Afraid he will run.

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Question - (8 July 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, *rystalbasslive writes:

My husband and I are separated. We are starting to communicate, but scared to get too close. Afraid he will run. What should I do?

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (8 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntI've just been through this myself, we seperated last year and on many occasions we have got close he has come home and then left again because i was clung to him, scared of being hurt and losing him again.

The last time he left we cut contact down drastically and i started to move on with my life, now we have decided that we want to be together and we are just taking things slow and dating again while he continues to live somewhere else.

Just don't expect anything, keep doing things for yourself and you should find you are less scared.

Good luck and take care.xx.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007):

If you're scared he'll run, then the best way to handle this is like a guy would. Don't verbally let him know you're there for him, all that talking might make him uncomfortable and then he'll run. Just be there for him when you can and don't make apologies and/or overextend yourself when you can't. Overextending yourself makes guys scared and then they run.

Essentially, be as easy and non-committal as possible, with no talks or conversations about the relationship and feelings. After 6months to a year he'll wonder why you're not trying to have those conversations and he will either 1) be the one the bring it up or 2) get back into a relationship with you. Of course if he does #2 you'll have to severely limit the number of "our relationship" conversations you subject him to.

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (8 July 2007):

penta agony auntThat depends a lot on what you want.

If you want him back and you think he will bolt, make sure that you don't push too hard. Let him know that you're there and that you want him but you'll stay in the background until he knows what he wants. Offer to be there for him to talk.

Not sure to tell you because I don't really have enough information. Good luck, though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007):

if you are afraid he will run just sit him down and talk things out and get concluering and work out your differences and if things work out you guys might just get re married sorry i am so young and giving you advice but i hope it helps xoxo christmas best of luck take care may god bless you and your life

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