A
female
age
41-50,
*anice
writes:Please can you offer me some advice.I am married and have been with my husband for 5 years. We have one 2 year old boy and I am 6 weeks pregnant with our second child. We are happy together and we are made for each other but he just does not do it for me anymore (sexually) we have discussed this and he said he was happy for me to have other sexual partners as long as I came back to him and I was happy. However one of our friends has just told me he is madly in love with me and has been for nearly a year. I have spent sometime with our friend alone and I have had sex with him and it was just amazing, when he touches me I shiver, when he kisses me I go weak and the knees, I have never had these feelings with my husband not evern when we first started dating. I have falling totally in love with my friend and part of me wants to be with him. My friend has said he does not want to be the bit on the side anymore and either wants all or nothing. I dont think I could ever leave my husband because he is my life and my stability, but its really hurting me not being close to my friend anymore what should I do please help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Well, it seems your husband was way to giving. His logic doesnt' seem rational to me. He gave up way too early, as did you. You're also chasing something that is more an illusion than a long trerm reality. ASk yourself, what have you done to fix your marriage? I agree with almost everything Irish49 stated. The only variable I see is this, it's not written in stone yo'd be taking the kids away from your husband. Maybe he'd take them from you......
A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (24 January 2007):
 I have to say I agree with the others. While the excitement of great sex is addictive and a strong lure, you have got to think of your family. Your children and husband must come first before your physical needs. You may think that you are falling in love with this man but lust does blind all other feelings and it will wane eventually. Your husband seems to be a very understanding man but he obviously didnt forsee this and as such you owe it to him and yourself also to really try and solve this problem in your marriage. there is lots of help you can get that can provide support and advice on how to kickstart your sexlife with your husband. The spark may not be there at the moment but you can have good sex with him if you're both willing to work at it. You say that everything else is perfect so dont throw this away until you've done everything possible to solve this. You're pregnant as well so hormones are making you feel slightly different to what you normally would. Dont make a decision yet until the baby is born and you have taken some professional advice. Giving up your husband and family life could prove to be a mistake and you have to be sure you make the right decision. I really hope this works out for you but just remember, sex is sex while a good relationship is much harder to find. Good luckx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Not many men give their wives the go-ahead to have affairs. What a huge risk he has undertaken allowing this to occur. Sweety, you have a family. Your child loves you and this child loves it's father. Will you see yourself happier after taking the children away from their Dad and making a life with this other man, who knowing thinks nothing of having an affair with a married woman?. What happens when real life kicks in and the excitement of the affair mellows into the mundane boredom of everyday life? I want you to rethink all this and realize what you may sacrifice for a definition of happiness, as you see it. When one is married, freedom and family committment is mutually exclusive. You do sacrifice and surrender your freedom when you undertake the care of your children and promise fidelity to a partner. This is the true meaning of marriage. It sounds like you have a deep bond to your husband, irregardless of the sex problems. You are friends..sounds like you love him. You have a lover-it is lust. It is not a true love, a committment. All it is--is hormonal reactions to the way he makes your physical self feel. You need to do some responsible decision making here, for the sake of your lovely family. Give this a good honest try. Get your and hubby into some good marriage counseling. This is life, we hit barriers and challenges and we all overcome stuff like this. Try hard to improve your circumstance, hun. You have choices: 1) you can try to comfort yourself through life, feeling entitled to great sex with some willing lover or 2) you can choose to have a meaningful marriage with values, goodness, love and committment. This will all depend on you and how you decide to honor your committment to marriage and your obligation to your children. A big decision, I know. I wish you luck with it.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Dear, I can understand your dilemma, but I think you're being a bit unfair to your husband and your beau.
Your husband allowed you to pursue your physical desires as you saw fit under the single condition that you would not have an emotional affair, and that's exactly what you're having now.
You say yourself that you can't see yourself ever leaving your husband, so as far as I can see there's only one thing left for you to do here: say good-bye to your beau and try not to get emotionally attached to any more of your playmates in the future.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Your husband offers you so much more than just sex. He must be a really amazing man to be able to abide you having sex with other men without being jealous, although a little stupid as well since he should have known that women get more attached to their sexual partners than men do. The basic question you're asking is if you should give up your marriage for sex or whether you should give up your lover and settle for a sexless marriage right? However much I like sex I'd pick the husband every time. He's the father of your kids and as such you owe it to them to try and make a go of your relationship.
CD
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