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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and my 'boyfriend' is 22. I'm waiting for the 'all-clear' from him. We met in June 2006 and then in September I found out he only saw 'us' as sex. So I dumped him. Then in November out of the blue he texted me asking how I was. Now I thought it was over between us so I was shocked. I really do ike him, he's a nice guy so I asked him what he wanted but told him I would not be his 'friend with benefits.' He agreed to this and told me he would like for us to be more than friends. I agreed to this and took him back, so I guess that means we are supposedly 'boyfriend and girlfriend.' However... it is January going on February and I still don't know where I stand with him. It doesn't feel like I'm in a proper relationship. We have sex and we go out to the movies or whatever and he's affectionate with me and really sweet but it still doesn't feel right.I don't think he would introduce me as his girlfriend and I wouldn't introduce him as my boyfriend either. That's how bad it is. I'm kind of waiting for him to 'authorise' the relationship. Should I stop waiting and just tell him myself? I want to tell him how I feel and tell him that I want a proper relationship with him but I don't want to look like 'the over emotional female.' I don't want things to be awkward between us. I don't want it to look like I'm making a big deal about something he hasn't even thought of. Do you know what I mean? I know he doesn't see me as just sex anymore because of how he is with me now but it's not 100% between us. Sorry I can't explain it any better than that. I don't want to scare him off but how do I bring it up? Should I even bring it up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies everyone. Well we don't see eachother very often because I work weekends and go to college weekdays and he works weekdays but is free on weekends. So the only time I get to see him is on a Sunday evening after work. But that only happens like...every two sundays. ie. two Sundays pass and then on the third one we meet up.
If I'm completely honset even though it's been 6 months we still don't know eachother very well and that's probably because I'm not a very open person. I hold back my feelings and emotions because I have this constant fear that the consequences of my words will be bad. So I never say anything much. Resulting in he and I not knowing eachother very well.
Since we met in July we've spent time together a total of 7 times. Only 3 of those 7 have been proper dates (the others were him coming round my house for sex). It sounds like we're doomed doesn't it? But I really like him and he likes me so...I guess the real problem here is me not being open and more talkative. Can anyone help me with that? Can you help me get over my fear? (And please don't suggest councelling, that won't be very helpfull for me).
But I really do appreciate the advice you've already given me. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): You need to have the I need to know if you consider us boyfriend and girlfriend as I do as I made it clear that I wanted that (hopefully you said you wanted a commitment in the sense you are long term dating and not causally dating)and you said yes.
Have the talk. Bring it up.
He has no way of knowing unless you are upfront with him.
If he doesn't introduce you to his friends, include you in his plans for a weekend, want to meet your friends and family...it isn't as seroius as you had hoped.
But again, the only way to know this is to talk to him about it.
Best Wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Hun, you've been with this guy for awhile. It's around the 6 month mark for you both, isn't it? Instead of waiting on him to authorize, can you not just talk openly and honestly to him about this? Sometimes, women think if they don't speak up, they fear losing the guy and he'll reject her. Never, ever go into a relationship with someone, with fearfulness in your heart. That's unhealthy and it knocks the balance of the whole relationship off. This is likely why you are feeling 'something is not right'. Sit him down and talk about a further committment and tell him what you would think. . Don't wait on him to authorize-in a truly good, functional relationship, this is a decision you make together, as a couple.
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female
reader, lilygit  +, writes (24 January 2007):
i don't think this is something you need someone to help you with. this is a matter of you loving him or not and vice versa. sit down and talk to him about how you feel and how you want the relationship to go and listen to his opinion too. good luck.
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