A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Apologies for the length of this but I really really need to get this off my chest.Recently we had a party at our house and there was alcohol supplied, good music and a lot of food.However, it got embarrassing when my husband and his friend began stripping down to their underwear and embracing one another in a homoerotic way. They seemed to be enjoying it and even kissed one another in front of everyoneEveryone looked shocked, including my friend's wife (who's the wife of the man that homoerotically embraced my husband!).I felt so embarrassed, and so did my friend, that we both left the party in shame.I confronted him about it right after the party and he insisted I shouldn't get so het-up about it, and said "If blokes get turned on by women getting off with other women (and how many haven't??), why shouldn't us blokes do it for the ladies?? Come on, it's just good clean fun, not offensive or nothing!"I asked him outright if he was gay or bisexual - but he denied it.He also said he wasn't gay or bisexual, and he doesn't think his friend is either. I asked him if there was anything more to say and he told me to f*** off, and that it's not important. I told him it was - but he kept telling me it was not of any importance.I also spoke to my friend about it, and she said she felt so disgusted she may divorce him - but he refuses to discuss it with her.I've tried discussing it with him again, but he told me that "it's a matter of no real importance, we all do silly things!"Yes, we all do silly things when drunk, but not to this extent.He is still loving towards me and over-apologetic about the incident, but since the incident I've been refusing to have sex with him because I'm worried about whether he's gay or not.I don't know whether to stay or whether to divorce him - the whole torrid incident makes me feel sick just thinking about it know.Advice on how to deal with this is welcomedthanks, Marissa
View related questions:
divorce, drunk, friend's wife, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): listen love you need to get a grip you really do. Either shut up and get on with it, or ditch him, either way you've got issues...yes YOU
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): It sounds like it was a bit of jovial fun gone sour for the girls, if he is in the closet he is hardly going to kiss a man in front of everybody, i have two straight flat mates male who do this stupid activity all the time, they love the attention however they are definetly not gay and there girlfriends just sighed "there at it again" rolling there eyes... when ever ww have a party!!
If you want to divorce him than it really shows your character. you are and i quote "disgusted" i am sorry to say but it sounds like you have the issues here. He seems very comfortable about his sexuality as for swearing at you, natural reaction when you harp on about it. If you love him than it wont matter and you will get over it, however, if you divorce him for what happened at a party which clearly is not suppressed homosexual activity then good luck to you. Remember this every man on this planet has thought of, or wondered and possibly dreamt about sex with a man at least once in their lifetime. Not too mention a hell of a lot of straight men have experimented with a gay kiss or more through out the lifetime usually in adolescence, this goes for lots of straight macho men aswell. Good luck and don't be disgusted remember you love him ??? P.S If your still angry about it seek professional advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (9 May 2007):
Hi, being a Brit I've seen full grown hard rugby men get down to the bare briefs if nothing, and do all sorts...I think this was orchestrated and they were hoping you'd strip off and join in. I've snogged and performed oral on a girl in front of my ex-husband and her boyfried but I knew it wasn't for me. I prefer a male. I did it because I was drunk, and saw two other men naked in my sitting room. It was like strip poker. They aren't gay or bisexual they were just hoping for a foursome so did what it took to get you into it. This sounds decrepid but I'm afraid true.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Counseling never hurts. I do have to wonder why he keeps bringing it up when he know it's upsetting to you. See if a counselor can help you put the right slant on it and proceed from there. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I should mention that, he's stopped being over-apologetic and is now claiming the whole thing was quite funny.
i may divorce him, i may not, every day he discusses something about it, and i've told him i want to hear no more.
where do i go next?? counselling?
thanks, Marissa
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I also got a phonecall off my friend's husband saying how good the night at the party was, and to ask my husband to come to his for some beer and fun.
i'm getting worried.
help me, Marissa
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I can't forget the incident, every time we try to have sex I have flashbacks of it.
I also got a phonecall from the guy telling me how much he loves my husband - and I feel disgusted by it.
He wasn't just drunk, he was very, very drunk when he did it - and his friend was just as bad.
I was also told that he and his friend did this same stunt in a local nightclub and got kicked out of it after being threatened with violence for this. The friend who told me this said that she'd seen the incident when she was out at the nightclub with her fiance.
where do I go next??
luv, Marissa
...............................
A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (8 May 2007):
 I know it may seem hard to swallow, but I would let this one go. As you said there was alcohol involved and if he was secretly bi-sexual or gay do you think he would have made such a display in front of so many people? I would write it off as a stupid drunken moment. He is probably being short about it because he is embarrassed as well. Divorcing him over a silly mistake is a big move to make. If he is still loving and apologetic then I would not take the whole incident so seriously. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, honesty +, writes (8 May 2007):
you needto remember they were drunk most probly not even knowing what they was doing i suggest theres no harm there and thinking about divorcing him is a big step are you willing to divorce your husband of how many years just because he was drunk and did somethink stupid ??
...............................
|
