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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been married for 5 years and we have a baby daughter. My husband owns his own businesses and works hard to provide for us. We decided that I'd give up my career and stay home with our daughter. I loved that decision and am happy to be home. We recently moved into a very large, expensive home. My friends are so envious. However, materialistic things are not important to me. My husband works many evenings and is rarely home. When he is off work he often hunts, golfs or whatever the hobby may be that season. He maybe will spend part of 1 day with us. Most recently, he chose to take a 10 day hunting trip out of state. He's having a grand old time and I'm home alone with our daughter. I resent him and his hobbies. I don't mind golf once per week or a weekend hunting trip on occasion but I feel he takes things to extremes. He says he loves us, but why doesn't he spend more time with us? He spends lots of money on his hobbies but when we really need something and I tell him, he'll grumble about spending the money and throws in my face that I'm not the one working. I think my husband is selfish. On good days I feel I love him very much, but more often than not I feel angry and resentful. I'd like this marriage to work, but he'd have to spend time as a family and how can I force him if that isn't want he wants to do?! I don't feel comfortable with the idea of divorce. Deep down there is lots of love there, but I'm becoming more and more frustrated. It's not fair to me or the baby who misses him and asks for him often. What can I do? I'm afraid all the anger and resentment will never go away. I cannot leave...it would destroy our daughter plus we have a nice home and I'm not working and I could never share custody. I am way to attached to my baby. I feel trapped. All I want is for him to want to be home with us. He needs to grow up and put us on his priority list. He thinks because he makes a lot of money and I can be home that he is providing for us just perfectly and I shouldn't complain about anything. He's even paying my student loans! Is he right????
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male
reader, jack23 +, writes (30 October 2006):
 You need to take time to sit down and talk with him. Explain the frustration you feel that he doesnt choose to spend more time with you and your child. Tell him how you feel about the situation and that you want the marriage to work but if things continue as they are is will become less likely.
You need to discuss ways that he can still have his hobbies (maybe not so much) and still spend time together as a family. From what you say he likes to get out and about and doesnt like being indoors, so maybe some suggestions of going place and doing things as a family is a good idea, things you can all enjoy.
I would not believe that he is right in that money is not everything, he needs to understand how you feel about this. I would suggest sorting this out soon as would would imagine that the longer this is left the worse it will get.
Hope this advice is of use :)
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