A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has always been really jealous. He's always wanting to fight with me and other people if I even talk to another guy. But it has gotten worse since he found out that I cheated on him with his best friend six years ago. We had not seen his best friend in 6 six years! His friend called him the other day and told him what happen 6 years ago!! Last night my husband started asking questions about my sex life prior to meeting/marrying him. I told him the truth. He sleep on the couch in anger. I want to leave him but as jeolous as he is if I ever get with another man I'm afraid he's kill us. We have two small children, he's not voilent to me or the children, he's just very jeolous and I don't think I can take much more. What do I do?
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affair, best friend, jealous, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): You have a very dysfunctional, marriage where there is little or no trust, respect and love. Jealous feelings as intense as your husband's is only proving to be destructive. He's a man in deep pain. He is this way, because he's actually very fearful.. He's sacred to lose his family and he using 'this controlling behavior' to keep you off balance. Sadly, these painful fears of his are over-riding his common sense and rational thought. He's deeply hurt and he's forgetting to be responsible, loving and caring. If you leave your husband, what is saying you have to be with another man? If you did leave, you'd be very cautious and smart, about not allowing other men to come into your life, too soon...especially with two small children. Their safety is your main priority. If you did leave, your primary focus would learning to live a good, quality life and finding your own independence and developing yourself and your own life, first. So do you leave or stay? Can I ask? Do you truely love your husband, enough...to want to make this marriage work? Because, if you do love him..people can get help and change. He may need professional counseling for his angry behaviors. When you have two small children, you don't just roll over and bail out, hun. This man is their father and these children are entitled to a happy, intact home with contented, mature, parents. If he's not violent, but arguing and belligerent..ask him to go with you to family/marriage counseling. Find ways to resolve this, first before you walk out that door. Do you think you are up for it? It could be a long haul. How devoted are you to committing to this marriage?
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Did you not this new information was worth sharing with the first question? When you ask a question, it's better to explain the entire situation. You've just added facts that are very important.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):
Sad to say but, Yes he also cheated on me with my best friend & at the time no one knew if the baby she was carrying if was his or my father's...This was 7 yrs. ago .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): lets put it this way,
what would you do if he cheated on you with your best friend?
would you be not jealous? would you be able to tolerate it? insecurities and uncertainties will be there. its the same thing for him. there are varying degrees of jealousy in every person, but i would say most people get jealous from time to time. it is normal. if he is the very jealous type and you can't take it, why get married in the first place? then if married why have an affair? i am not here to judge anyone, but my question is, do you still love him? or are you hesitating to leave him because you are afraid he might harm you and your potential lover in the future? this is what you need to consider.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (28 August 2007):
Well.......you cheated on him with his friend. Let me see, he doesn't like that and you can't understand it. Maybe he picked up on your vibe of deceit. Maybe he thought you were too close to the friend and developed his jealousy based on those feelings. Either way he's correct in his thoughts. What did you expect to happen when he found this out?
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