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anonymous
writes: My husband and i have been married for 13 yrs. We were good then it got bad. He cheated on me with not one sister but two.. we split up. Now we are back together. again we were happy. Latly it seems that we are starting to go back down that road of cheating. I forgave him.. I hate my sisters no longer have anything to do with them. family members have taken my sisters side. they ask why mad @ them and not him. the way i see it is.. "I can get another man, But I can never get new or another sister." they are the ones who betrayed me.. hurt me more. I want them to hurt. back to me and my hubby. Latly he is distance and when i try to talk to him he gets mad or somthing. we dont have sex he works 16hrs 6 days a week. Do yall think we are heading back to the way it was?? thanks for the help
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): No one has any idea, whether or not he's cheating on you, dear. His past history doesn't make him that trustworthy man but this is what happens when one remains in a relationshion ship with a man who cheats, such as your husband. What we do know is that he's not being open and loving with you, and that he's putting more distance between you, than you'd like and you're not feeling safe/secure in this relationship. The question now is not how are you going to find out if he's cheating or how you can change his distant behaviours, but what are you going to do about the information your senses and feelings are giving you? Do you like being around a man you can't trust? I know, I sure wouldn't. Do you feel good about yourself when he messes you around like this? If not, you need to make a decision about whether this marriage is worth hanging in there for. If you're not happy about what's going on, and apparently you haven't been for some time, do you want to continue this relationship? Can you trust a guy who isn't being straight with you? (The answer is no.) Do you like being around a guy you can't trust? Do you feel good about yourself when he messes you around like this? If not, why stay with someone who plays mind-games and doesn't give you honest, open answers? Why look for reassurance from a bloke who doesn't behave in reassuring ways? Isn't it just asking for more of the same thing? Just always remember, You're not to blame for what he does but you are responsible for deciding whether or not you're going to stay unhappy and embittered by what he has done. Don't forget he's managed to not only to destroy you, but your family unity and goodwill (sisters) as well. He's simply not worth it, dear.
Now, about your sisters. They are right..you should be trying to mend fences with them. . Lovers come and go, but family is sacred and it's forever. It seems your family has some deep rooted problems to have had this happen, in the first place. Somewhere along the line, your sisters did lose their moral conscience and committment to you, as a family member. I am sorry, because this must be incredibly painful. . You will have to try very, very hard to forgive. I would recommend you try. I think it's time for you to sit down with them and talk openly through tears if you have to about heartfelt feelings and what family means to each one of you. If that doesn't help, I recommend the 3 of you get into family counselling and see if you all can can forgo this because sisters should be there to support each other, not be hateful and spiteful. . This will be a long term process and it will take a lot of time and emotional energy. Life is too short to waste on anger and negativity..do it. Family is worth it. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006):
We really cant tell if it is happening again.
But for your husband to sleep with *both* sisters and *both* of them to pick him to sleep with (unless they just happened to fall into a threesome), this thing had to be about them getting back at you.
This seems very agressive to you, and unless you think that underlieing agression has been resolved, the whole situation seems bad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): As you have mentioned you can get another man but not sisters, why did,nt you do just that meaning move on instead of still taking him back and asking for more drama in your life. Even now, you still have problems with him and the only thing you want is to salvage this mess? What for. Start building your self esteem and get rid of him.Yes communicate with you sisters and find out why they did what they did and more. It just seems to me that your husband does not care about you anymore , so why are you? Stop clinging on to crap, he is definetly treating you like one.
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reader, eddie  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 I don't know why you'd take him back. What he did was more than cheat, he chose the most hurtful way to do it by involving your sisters. It's obvious he was just doing it for the sex. The three of them are morally bankrupt. I don't know how you could put this behind you. Also, if he's heading down that path again, why are you waiting around?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): This is a very hard one. I wouldn't of taken him back,NEVER!! I'm sorry to sound so hard, i do feel for you but a leapard never changes his spots, i know,my ex had three affairs which i discovered after we got divorce! There has to be no going back.
He gets mad if you try to talk to him, i wouldn't give him the time of day! but that is you and not everyone thinks the same.
And as for your 'sisters' well i'm sorry but i just could never forgive them either, this was 'your' man, You do not expect your own flesh and blood to do this to you, and twice. Your family sound like they want a good kick up the pants!! I wouldn't spit on them if they were in flames.
It's up to you but i would boot this loser out and get a new life for yourself. You deserve better. Take care and i wish you well.
xx
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