A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have Been with my husband for 15 years. he did something about three years ago to a friend that he went to school with. pretty much cheated. i can't seem to forget and don't know if i have forgiven him. so heres the other thing. my ex from twenty years ago came back in my life and we have children together. we hang out a few times a week. i have always loved him and still do. i feel cought between two men and both want to be with me. my husband is a good provider and my ex has nothing to offer. i want to be with my ex more then my husband. what do doooo?
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male
reader, buzzkill +, writes (3 March 2011):
First do whats best for the kids. If that means stay with current spouse because he provides...great. Second, take care of yourself. If there is no difference between spouses and your childrens' support than go with your x. If you stay with your current spouse due to support than dont tell him your cheating with your x. Trusting that your x wont make a fuss about your fidelity in front of current is a risk you take.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Get over yourself & start giving. A relationship is about sharing your life with someone, not simply taking (shopping here & there). If you are posting this question I would suggest you go & see a therapist.
Also, be sure you actually understand what LOVE is.. that is a combination of JOY & TRUST. You should be working on your current marriage (are both of you a JOY together, your mood is your responsibility). If there was infidelity then there was a hit on the TRUST. But it sounds like you two have restored that.
Right now, If you yourself go breaching trust, or are comparing your current husband to an ex from two decades ago (how joyous is that to your partner, being compared to a memory).. do not be surprised that you yourself are destroying your current relationship. Do not be surprised if the memory of your ex does not match the reality (he is now your "ex" for a reason).
See a therapist, get a prescription. If you need a little excitement, get some kinky underwear or try something different in the bedroom. Do not go wandering.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): One simple thing
Forgive your DH and enjoy the life with him.
the fact that you are asking a question here itself indication to you that problems are increasing in your life.
it will even be worse if you try to go to ex.
i can tell u right away that your DH is good man. If you loved your Ex, you could haev never married your DH.
so forget the fun. enjoy the life otherwise you will loose both if you keep cheating.
you will not get any thing when you are at death bed.
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A
female
reader, lonesum dove +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Two wrong dont make a right, ex- are ex for a reason so you need to think about what made him an ex before you throw away your marriage, but on the other hand if you can't forgive your hubsand and move on then you need to think about walking, but if do forgive him that mean never bringing it up in the heat of a argument totally let it go and if you can... then go get marriage counseling
Now If you cant let go and it contiume to eat at you, not sure if I would go back to a twenty year break up you said you alway love him but how did you love him and also love your hubsand think about it.
good luck keep me inform
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): maybe get some counselling and talk to your husband to help with trust issues over the cheating - you may just need more time and that is perfectly normal. I think the unknown always seems most exciting but why throw 15 years of marriage away with a "what if"? Personally i would stay with husband and try to work through issues, he's cheated and you are obviously tempted by another guy - so i think you need to work on your relationship before just abandoning ship as who knows, it could be saved if given opportunity and time. Good luck regardless of what you decide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): It's tempting when someone comes back into your life, even if it's twenty years later, but don't be deceived, your husband is a good provider, you said that yourself.. and your ex..well...what's he got to offer that he didn't twenty years ago? If you split from him, is it really worth it to go back now? You can blame your husband for the rest of your life, if you want, but there is no perfect marriage, and everyone makes terrible mistakes at some points in their life. Holding a grudge won't make you feel happier, not now or ever. I can't tell you what to do, and if you feel unhappy with the husband or family you have now, then go from there, or you'll make the others in the house unhappy too, everyday. I would seriously think twice about throwing away what you have now, though, before jumping on the chance to be with someone who wasn't around for twenty years. At least your husband has been there, otherwise. Maybe realizing that going with your ex now would be no different than your husband's temptation 3 years ago will help you to understand and forgive him. If forgiveness is the only thing getting in the way, then stay with your husband if you can throw away all judgement toward him, but if you love someone else more than him, then go.
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