A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The last time I saw him we were expressing our emotions to one another and he had said that he felt that I was the one for him and that he felt that way for a long time he also told me to be patient for him he had this amazing smile on his face that was calm and relieved when he said it he has very expressive actions so I believe him I'm not saying he's lying at all. But why would he disappear like this I haven't heard from him in 3 and a half months and it hurts I still cry and have these weird dreams about him at night. We've known one another for 6 years and he made plans with me to take me on trips and he said he wanted us to get a queen size bed, and we've talked about moving in together once I got my diploma.I should also add a couple of things -before we started dating he'd disappear every now and again usually drinking binges-we rarely drink with one another-he's a great guy when I look at him I see my mirror image personality and all he even looks a little like me.My gut and my heart are telling me to wait for him even though my mom wants me to date my two faced neighbour who just wants me for sex and not for my mind I told that guy to quit being rude to me and quit projecting his insecurities onto other people and he had nothing to say to it. Whenever a guy asks for my number I say no. I don't feel a need to listen to my mother or anyone else who thinks I should only be loved on the surface by some jerk. I actually love the guy I had he is amazing just not the disappearing part but he has a history of doing it he was abandoned as a child by his mother after his father died and I slowly help him with it this guy changed my life he would always listen to my feelings and express his to me which he never does with anyone else. my question is should I follow my heart and gut I feel like I should cause I feel the same way about him as he does towards me he waited 5 years to date me he never had a girlfriend that whole time plus I got 3-6 hour phone calls which was 74$ on either end and over 20 000 facebook messages in the past year. I feel like I should wait I've never done this before or felt this was.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 Always, always, always follow your head, not your heart.
Whatever feelings he may have for you, they aren't strong enough for his actions to match his words. He has no problem not seeing or hearing from you for months on end.
Do not wait for him or anyone else. Live the life that makes you happy. If you're seen to be enjoying yourself instead of moping about he (or preferably someone better) will want to be a part of that.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 April 2012):
 They both sound like real "gems" - NOT!
The one only wants to get into your panties; the other, even if he had an unhappy childhood - which, of course, he couldn't help, not his fault - BUT it doesn't sound as if whatever he has tried in order to find healing and good personal growth since then has been successful.
I mean, disappearing for weeks/months at a time, going on drinking binges, not dating anyone for five years until he met you - these are surely not signs of a reliable, considerate adult! Not to mention those phone calls - $222. Well, granted we can all go a little mad sometimes, but if you have no objection to racking up that kind of money.........
There must surely be other men around who would be better to hang out with than these two!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (14 April 2012):
 You are playing a Would you rather game here?
Would you rather wait on a guy who's faraway, an alcoholic, promises sweet things and never deliver. Or, would you rather have a next door guy who makes no promises and wants only sex.
Aunts and uncles, what's your vote here?
I just don't understand why there are only two men in your whole world. You don't have to wait at all when you are with the right person. Neither is one.
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