A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend off and on for 16yrs...in this time i found out i cannot carry a child.he left me 8 yrs ago...got a girl pregnant and i took him back i felt i could not give this to him so i accepted his child as my own.well low and behold the same girl got pregnant again by him and i found out ten months after the child was born.I had my suspicions but both him and his family lied in my face.I am crazy to walk away even though i love him.My heart cannot survive this hurt. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): hi therejust wanted to tell you a little story.i have a big family (therefore so much of story telling)my sister is 37 yrs old, nver married, in a relationship for 15/16 years. fow the past decade doctors have been advising her to have a hysterectomy since she has been having menstrual problems. no period for months , then heavy bleeding for almost 6/9 months at a time. we advised her to go to other gynaes and they all have the same diagnosis - she was unable to have kids (basically, she is barren bec of her medical condition). my mother died a few years ago and she was so sad that my sister would be unable to have kids. all 6 of us have kids, except this one sister.i THINK her bf took advantage of this "fact" that she couldn't conceive. maybe he also let her know that she was "lucky" to have him, since he accepted her for her barren self. he cheated for 2 years and my sis was none the wiser. eventually the affair was revealed but my sis still wanted the bf and i think they worked through the betrayal. no one speaks much of the affair because it is swept under the carpet as though it NEVER happened. this guy was all my sis ever wanted. i advised her to have some fun, have a 6 month break and live a little. she chose not to. on friday i received a call from my sister. SHE WAS PREGNANT! a miracle conception?? i don't know. my sis has been in hospital, spent lots of money going for second opinions. and wow, a baby on its way. now the bf seems amazed/ baffled/terrified about this pregnancy. for almost 16 years he refused to settle down with her. he always had excuses, never enough money, timing was not right and so forth. now it seems as though he is being "forced" to marry her. we are all happy about this pregancy but two vital things are on our minds- there is a great possiblity that she may in turn become a single parent because the bf is not ready to settle down. or they will get married and the baby binds them but he resents her.- we all know that the bf is not good material. yes in his own way he might love my sis but we all know that he is not the right one for her. i think we all know that because she was so afraid to be alone, she invested so many years like you, that she settled for someone to accept her, in the barren state. she chose not to be strong and leave this guy. maybe in your situation, and i am not giving you false hope. there may be a slight possibility that perhaps one day you may be able to conceive. my sister is now living proof of the so called miracle pregnancy.- whether you are able to conceive or not, this man , your bf, is not for you. you have invested 116 years, do not throw your life away. my sister just did with her pregancy. now she CANNOT get rid of him. whether the bf committs to her , only time will tell. but she is stuck with the same *ubbish perhaps because she was too scared to be alone and too scared to face life without "a man". the preganacy is so bittersweet for us all. we are excited at the preganacy but realise that she is now "stuck" with this man for the rest of her life. what irony!you can be rid of this man and one day you will find a soul mate to love you, inspite of what you are facing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much.You brought me to tears. I know what I am suppose to do but it hurts so muchThanks again and God Bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): please allow yourself the freedom from him. YES, LET HIM GO. he is not worth this constant pain he is causing you. your life is still precious even though you cannot bare children. he has betrayed you all over again. so please do the right thing FOR YOURSELF and release yourself from him. do not give him this power over your life. take back the power, take back your pride and ultimately take back your LIFE. i wish nothing but peace and happiness in your life.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (25 August 2009):
 No one deserves to be treated in such a way. He doesn't deserve to be with someone kind enough to take in his child as her own, regardless of the circumstances.
Leave him and find someone that will respect you enough to be honest with you. Your boyfriend will keep treating you the same way if he knows you'll always take him back, even after cheating on you twice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Let him go - he is not sensative to your feelings and because you cannot give him a child is no excuse to have been unfaithful. There are other options to having a child not one that gives him the right to treat you like a door mat. You deserve a lot better. Hope you find someone that truely loves you respects you. Just a thought are you sure you have exercised all your options in terms of being able to have a child if not see a specialist - woman who were told they cannot have children have fallen pregnant. GOODLUCK
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A
female
reader, karasu10 +, writes (25 August 2009):
 first of all i want to tell you that you seem like a strong person for taking him back. so good for you.in that same sense, with this situation, you are thinking too much with your heart. you should start thinking with your mind and your smarts as a woman. i know, you're probably thinking "you're only 18. what do you know?!" but the fact is im sorta in the same situation. whether us woman accept it or not, men are the same at all ages. they don't know when to grow up whether they're 18 or 100. we let our love get in the way, and forget that us women need to stand together because most men, not all men, most men are stupid. right now, one thing you should not feel like is worthless. you need to tell yourself that you're amazing everyday and that he's the one that made the mistake. remind yourself that you're the better person. as for the baby part, if he really loved you he would accept the fact that you cant have children. there are other options, and instead of being unfaithful and going to his childs mother he could've sat down and talked to you about that. in the end, you'll be fine. you will survive this hurt. you will be fine. don't get me wrong, you will cry and not sleep, but you will be fine. just smile everyday and tell yourse;f your amazing.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Let him go. You are doing the right thing.
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