A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for 2 years. Things have been cool between us but recently he has started changing.I'm the type who feel shy to ask her guy for financial assistance when the need arises; because I don't want to be a burden to him but I think he has started taking advantage of it. He's working and getting paid really well but I just started my service to my country and I haven't even received my first pay yet. I've been struggling with finances and he sees it yet he ignores it. Due to my financial problems I'm not able to buy stuffs for myself to look more appealing because I'm taking care of my mother and brother. Sometimes I get furious because he sees me suffering yet he has turned a blind eye on it. Even when he sends me money he instantly becomes moody for some time.Back in the days when he had nothing I did almost everything for him. I don't know why he's acting this way now. Could it be he's loosing interest in me? Or he doesn't see the essence why he should spend on me??Is he spending on someone else???Please help me. Thank you for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2021): Red flag. He lacks empathy. Your instincts are right - don't double guess yourself as this may only make you doubt yourself and lower your self esteem, trapping you to him. Take it as a sign and move on. This person won't EVER be the empathetic and therefore equally giving person that you need and deserve. Let him figure that out for himself, not your job to teach him as you'd waste a life-time and life is too short and once only.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2021): Well, the best person to ask all those questions posed at the end of your post is your boyfriend.
You are very young, and there are many lessons yet to be learned about human nature. Charity is given without any expectation of repayment or acclamation. It is voluntary, and not compelled. It is not a charitable or generous act, if it is triggered or coerced by guilt; instead of a spirit of giving. It comes from a place of generosity, and a spirit of goodwill. These are attributes that are absent or fading from the "selfie" generation, sweetheart. God will bless you, in spite of your boyfriend. Give God thanks for your new job, and wait upon the Lord. Pray and seek help from your Benevolent Creator, He is most generous and capable. He can make a way where there is no way! Expect little to nothing from others, when things get tough!
Perhaps your boyfriend has shown he is not the generous type. Red-flag warning! He accepted your help, because it was offered; and he seized on an opportunity. Remember now, YOU offered HIM help. If he was in need, how could he refuse? What was in his heart at the time that he would accept your money? God only knows! Let's say he wasn't hoping you'd be expecting repayment, or that it was a loan.
Rather than feeling down about this, feel more aware and informed of the type of man he is. However, he still deserves some benefit of the doubt. We don't know his financial situation, apart from what you've indicated in your post. You might not know the whole story either!
You needed to see his ways and realize what lurks under the surface; so you would have a more accurate perception of the guy you're giving your heart and money to. Maybe God Himself is trying to tell you something? Maybe you didn't give with the right heart?
If you felt this guy is right for you, maybe you wouldn't be here; and you wouldn't have to ask all those questions. He doesn't seem to have a sense of empathy, or the least inclination to ask if you need any help; knowing you've been out of work, and your family depends on you financially. In my opinion, he should have declined when you offered. Although, he was "hands-out and palms-up" when he was struggling financially; don't forget that you willingly and voluntarily came to his rescue! We can only speculate that he's just hoping you wouldn't expect his help, or become dependent on it; so bro ain't even opening that can of worms! He's got catching-up to do on his own bills and past-due accounts. If things were so bad he swallowed his pride enough to take money from somebody who may have been in worse financial-trouble than he was! Not cool, if that's the case!!! It's unmanly to take money from a woman; let alone one who's financially-strapped!
Take what you've learned about him as a warning and life-lesson. If he cared enough about you, you shouldn't have to want or need his help; he'd be there because he loves you enough that he'd somehow help without being asked. Not necessarily with money, but in whatever ways he can help. Donating groceries, or supplying basic needs. He should be appreciative of the help he received in hard-times. Maybe if he was the generous-type, it would probably be a reflex-response to spring into action; when he realized you yourself are struggling. Yet, after all that's said in our responses to your post; you'll forgive him, and overlook this, or find some way to let it pass. Even if you truly believed he's selfish and inconsiderate!
Maybe I wouldn't go so far as to think you feel entitled to his help, I would hope that isn't the case.
It falls under the principles of virtue and goodwill, that one scratches one's back; and the other scratches yours. Don't give with the expectation of receiving in return; give and expect nothing back. God blesses and generously rewards under these acts of kindness and godliness.
It can't be fairly determined that he is even capable of helping you; because his own situation might be that others, particularly his own family, are heavily depending on him as well.
The economic-distress is widespread throughout all nations. It's highly possible he may not have fully disclosed the extent of his own financial-hardship; or bothered to tell you who else depends on his income. If you placed a burden on yourself to help him out; that's quite commendable, but like Code Warrior said: "It's not unreasonable to believe that if you help someone when they need it, maybe they will help you in return when you need it. However, that is a hope, not an entitlement."
You didn't suggest it was a loan, and you didn't transparently barter for favors; so he is of no obligation to be considerate of your dire financial-situation. If you do feel he owes you something; then you don't get let off the hook for your "entitled" attitude towards this situation either! A husband is morally obligated to see to the needs and financial-support of his wife and family; while boyfriends don't carry such a heavy obligation or responsibility, and shouldn't be expected to...unless you're the mother of his child, or children. You didn't mentioned that to be the situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2021): He is just a selfish man.And you are fine with that.WHY?????
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (1 March 2021):
 He isn't responsible for your financial crisis. You guys are not married so he has no obligation to help you out with money.
If you are looking for a man to look after you financially then end this relationship and find someone that will do that for you. That in it's self cries Sugar Daddy.
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