A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On Jan 19th I lost my virginity to my bf (who was also a virgin)...and he lasted at least an hour, possibly upwards into two. I only know that before we started it was 2:30 am and shortly after he finally came it was 4:30. I was in pain, obviously, but figured I shouldn't say anything since it was our first time and he was doing his best to please me.--but, frankly, I'd always been told that for a guy's first time, he'll often come in just a few minutes--QUICKLY--rather than lasting longer than normal.Since then, we've had sex maybe 15 times, and things have stayed the same. I think the quickest he's ever come is maybe in 20 minutes. I've given him oral sex a number of times and, even after 10 minutes (including the night I took his virginity), he's nowhere even close to coming. Even when he masturbates he can't bring himself to come!! He just gives up after like 30 minutes, and before me (so he says) he never even had an orgasm. I once persuaded him to keep going, and going, an going and he eventually did come once.In other words, the guy can't come to save his life... When he does come, he can always immediately go for O #2, and sometimes #3 [before he gets too tired and gives up even though he remains rock hard for a while after]. Any ideas on what the hell is the issue, whether or not this is normal, and if there's anything we can do to speed things up? He's circumcised (and was circumcised tribally, so maybe they screwed things up...idk) and everything looks normal, and we've both been tested and all of that. We use lube and take time for forplay. Thoughts??Thanks for your help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I am the same way. I can go for as long as I want. My first time was 2 hrs. Its just a matter of control. At the same time I'm not very sensitive around my penis. So its easy to control. My wife let's me do anything I want with her to help me cum. So that helps. Find out what really turns him on. Tightness is not really the answer. Its about what makes him excited so that he has less control. And why do all the females go towards medical reasons??
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 You ladies are making me smile, mainly because for many of us guys who are like this, we are in a no win situation.
So to make the answer bearable for every other woman except my partner (who never bothers with this site anyway), I will talk about just my own experience.
I am able to 'tune out' slightly during intercourse. This does not mean I am enjoying the sensations less, it means I am not concentrating on my own orgasm. I may be making sure that my partner does, I may be listening for her tell-tale noises, I may be enjoying watching her face and movements.
So most times as far back as I can remember, I have been able to 'last' for as long as I feel like.
When I was your age 18-21, I would last for hours if I had been drinking.
Masturbation is a slight problem. Even if my imagination is at its most vivid, or I am using my favourite visual aids, its upward of 20 minutes.
Am I de-sensitised? I dont think so at all. I have always been this way.
Interestingly enough, my new doctor last year told me that I looked like I am descended from the Rukiga tribe, of Uganda! That made me smile.
Theres nothing wrong with how long we last, medically at least. Ask your man what excites him about sex, and if his answer is 'watching you', then stop worrying. The more excited you get, the more excited he will become.
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A
female
reader, Mee!3  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Ur a lucky girl my boy friend last long but not that long i cum 10 times a sesion he cums mayb 3 hehehe
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Sorry, anonymous is right, in doggie position is better, with him behind you become tighter, and like she says you can stimulate him in other ways.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 February 2010):
Yep, just checked on the penis website. Try the stuff suggested first. Make sure he's healthy, that means not overweight, no drugs, little alcohol, and exercises often. Nuts are good for production of sperm, helps to build up a lot of it. Check to see if he's on any medication. Have a long talk about how he thinks about sex, do it with the 101 website, and make it fun, don't make it challenging or make him anxious, we just want to see how he sees the whole idea of sex and what it's purpose is. They have a twister game and other games on the website, these are good for having fun and making an atmosphere where honest open talking about sex can begin.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 February 2010):
Yep!! This is a hard one. There dosen't seem to be anything wrong with him, he's a natural. It's the brain that is taking over. Do you try sex talk to turn him on and make him hotter. Try to get him to think about his hottest, sexiest fantasies in his head. Make foreplay longer, with less touching, more nudity, to get him over excited before he even starts. The repression in his culture probably means he thinks loosing control is a bad thing. There are other things I could suggest, but you may not feel comfortable with them. Pornography, again, to make him overexcited and arroused before you start doing the sex thing. Anal toy for him or a finger in his ass, to stimulate the prostrate gland. Otherwise, I'm out of idea's. Kinky stuff may just push him over the edge, but may be uncomfortable for you and him to introduce into the bedroom.
Here's some usefull websites, maybe a change of position may help. Woman on top would be much easier for you, and leave you less sore. http://www.sexinfo101.com/
http://www.the-penis.com/index.html (I've highlighted the issue of delayed ejaculation, which is what your guy suffers from)
Try some of this stuff, whatever you feel comfortable with, and come back and tell us if anything helps. I think he and his brain need retraining, and that would be the next step, but it takes time, so try this stuff first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): Tigerlily: That is a possibility, actually...Since you mention it, before we decided to become sexually active we of course talked about it and he said that he was sure he'd be able to last hours in bed. He comes from a sexually repressive culture and so I figured he was fooling himself, and I tried to reassure him that there was no need for him to do that, not to mention, that it was virtually impossible.
That said, a few times he has said out loud that he couldn't understand why he lasts so long. Hm.
Janniepeg:"Who doesn't want a guy who lasts long?" If 2 hours is your definition of long, me. For me, 20 minutes is more than enough, not to mention the pain that comes with loss of natural lube and synthetics not cutting it when he lasts so long. Do I think his come makes sex? No, but I want him to be satisfied.I can't orgasm through vaginal sex in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I think he should seek medical professional advice on this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I've been with one guy like that, and he was a virgin so I was expecting he would come very fast. He never came. I asked him how long he comes when he masturbates he said 40 minutes. I asked him what position made him want to come he said, me on top. He's not circumcised and it shapes like it curves downward. He is going into the medical profession and he seems not to be worrying about this issue. I bet he met me to find out whether he could cum with a woman. I guess not, but it's an interesting experience. But he understands that enough is enough and the sex has to stop. The most important thing is that you come. If he doesn't complain about everything it could be a good thing. Who doesn't want a guy who lasts long? Maybe the semen seeps out by itself in sleep, or urinating. Don't think it's your fault. It's just how his penis is built. Do you feel a cum shot completes a session? Is that important to you?
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (7 February 2010):
Maybe there is some sort of psychological block? They say sex really takes place in the mind. Does he feel like he should last a long time to be a man? (most guys pride themselves on staying power) so could be so concerned about his masculinity that he's psyching himself out? Or does he start to pressure himself a lot? That can make it hard to come. Why not just take the pressure off. Have fun in bed and whatever happens happens. If he's not coming and you want to stop or take a break, just stop. Do something else, kiss, play... keep it light and fun. Maybe your guy just needs to relax.
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