A
female
age
51-59,
*Goddess
writes:My boyfriend (we'll call him Alex for the sake of the discussion) hasn't contacted me in 7 weeks now.The last time he called, I had not heard from him in 2 weeks at that time. He was talking about personal, family and work problems but would not give me any definite answers as to if our relationship would continue or not.The last thing he said before he hung up was that he would call me back the next day - needless to say, he hasn't contacted me at all.Should I try to reach him or should I just consider this relationship over? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penta +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I am cautiously optimistic. But I don't recommend taking the initiative at all at this point. Let him call you; let him come to you. Tell him when you do see him that after seven weeks you just assumed the relationship was over, and that if he ever goes that long again without contacting you then it really will be over.
As I said before, you deserve to be with someone who can't wait to talk to you. Don't settle for anything less.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, DGoddess +, writes (29 August 2007):
DGoddess is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'd like to thank everyone who has answered... and yes, the answer is pretty much what I've been hearing.Except for one coworker, who basically said from the sound of it that there's something going on and that he would contact me again eventually.I do have a most interesting update: Alex called back yesterday evening!!!!It caught me rather off-guard, as I had decided against trying to contact him further (despite what a couple of people have suggested.) He sounded better than he had the last time we spoke - from what he said, he's starting to get things back together for himself (he's been experiencing family crises, tax problems, sexual problems that he can't get a medical explanation for and he's also due to become a grandfather any day now.)In short (although he hasn't said this) he's experiencing a midlife crisis - or that's the impression I'm been getting since I've really had time to think about this with a clearer mind.He wants us to get together soon, which is a good sign. Usually, if a guy wants to break up, they'll do it by phone rather than face the firing squad (so to speak) and do it in person. He says he wants to talk this over and go from there.Still no answer yet as to why it's taken him 7 weeks to call back, but I'm planning to find that out when I do see him in person. I can't say for certain yet how things will go - I can only play it by ear.So, it's looking like the ball may be back in my court soon. But I can say this: if we do attempt to reconcile, there will have to be some changes made. Otherwise, there's no point. I'll post back later after we've had the face-to-face. And again, thank you to those who have answered.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Dear: Of course the relationship is over. Yes, you should call him but just to tell him what a jerk he is. You really need to get everything out of your system so you can recuperate yourself from the break-up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Send him a final message telling him that you wanted to stay in touch or something and that you're sorry if something went wrong between the two of you. Shame for him and you'll see that if he really appreciates you he'll answer. if not at least you got that out of your chest and give closure to it. Good Luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Send him a final message telling him that you wanted to stay in touch or something and that you're sorry if something went wrong between the two of you. Shame for him and you'll see that if he really appreciates you he'll answer. if not at least you got that out of your chest and give closure to it. Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 August 2007):
Ive been in a very similar situation before and it can hurt like hell. Its like why hasnt he contacted me? Surely during 7 weeks he would atleast message or phone me to see how I am or to let me know that you know, hes still thinking about things and isnt sure if he wants to continue the relationship or not.
If he needs moe thiking time then he should of had the decency to say so. Have you tried contacting him durin the 7 weeks? If so, did he try to avoid any contact with you? It sounds to me like he is dealing with probelms in the most immature way possible. Instead of facing the issues, hes running away. And its unrealistic for him to expect yo uto wait 7 weeks for him. Thats jsut cruel. I beleive that no matter what you are ging through in life, whether it be work issues, family etc, you should go to your loved ones (such as your gf) for support, not cut all contact with her.
Why was he considering ending the relationship? Were there problems in your relationship? Or was he just stressed and finding it hard to cope with eveyrthign else that was going on in his life?
Either wya, personaly I would consider it ended. Its up to you if you feel you need to call him and actually hear him tell you that. I know when I was in a similar situation I needed to be able to verbally tell him that I wasnt going to wait any longer for him to make a decision on whether or not he wants to be with me...
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me. Let us know how it goes :)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 I'm fully with penta. The relationship is over and he wasn't mature enough to let you know. His talking about problems is another flavor of good ol' "I'm busy".
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A
female
reader, DGoddess +, writes (27 August 2007):
DGoddess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I've tried to contact him.The first time was the following Friday after we had last spoken. His cellphone rang 4 times, then went straight to voicemail, so I left a message. He did not return my call.I tried twice this past week to contact him again - last Tuesday, but it went straight to voicemail. I didn't leave a message that time (figuring he'd turned off the phone and he'd see a missed call when he turned it back on.) I tried again Wednesday evening and left a voicemail. I've also been sending word this past week that he needed to contact me (he works for a company that does business with my employer) but so far that hasn't yielded any results.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Have you tried contacting him during this seven week period? If you have, and he is avoiding you, I would consider things over and done with. I mean, it's been a month and a half since the two of you have even talked. It's definately rude of him to just stop contacting you as his way to say "we're through," but I suppose some people are just afraid to initiate the break up. If you haven't tried to contact him at all, maybe he did this to see if you would try to contact him. In his eyes, you're saying you want the relationship to be over with if you don't try to contact him. Give him a call and see what's up. Otherwise, consider him your ex-boyfriend now. Sorry I couldn't give you more direct advice, but I didn't know much about your situation. I hope I have at least been of some help. Good luck and take care!
-RJGirl
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (27 August 2007):
Consider it over, and good riddance. You want to be with someone who can't wait to call you. Don't give this jerk another thought.
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