A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've met a man I love. We get on well. The problem is he is very mean with money. He doesnt like eating out or going on holidays. We end up always doing the same things going to the same places so he doesnt have to spend much or no need to spend at all. I am starting to feel fed up with it. I know he is not going to change the way he spends his money. I do want to end it sometimes but not sure. Any advice?
View related questions:
money, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I don't like spending money either, especially when it's on a credit card and I know I'll have trouble paying it back. I don't think anyone likes spending unless they can afford it, it's not the sensible thing to do and there's no point in getting into debt through uncontrolled spending which can be a nightmare when the bailiffs come a-knocking.
The lack of background info in your question leads me to assume you haven't known him for very long, and as such you probably don't know what his income over expenditure works out at, and how much disposable income he's got. He may have debts that he's trying to pay off, or his disposable income isn't conducive to spending sprees, or he's just being sensible with what he's got.
On the other hand, if he's stashing wads of cash under the mattress or slowly amassing a fortune in the bank, perhaps he's something of a tightwad; a 'Scrooge' character if you like. It's a fact that you don't have to spend lots of money to have fun or enjoy someone's company, but a little treat doing something different once in a while, provided that he can afford it, wouldn't be too much to ask of him.
Don't forget to offer pay your way sometimes to ease the load on him, particularly if he's financially embarrassed.
Phil
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): This man will never change now and you have to decide if that is the future that you want. If so, then put up and shut up, but if not then move on. My second partner was just like that, we didnt do or go anywhere. Life is much too short, it is for living. Why do we go to work and earn money? To stuff under the mattress, er i think not. You will look back over a boring life wasted when you get older. I would move on if i was you.
take care
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, legacy  +, writes (31 October 2007):
Leave him. He will not change and it will bother you more and more as longer your relationship goes on.
O.K. my turn from the man's perspective. My wife is right though. I grew up poor, real poor and you know what? I always treated my girlfriends with my money when I had it. That was one of the things they always liked about me, I worked and had some money and spent it on them and me. So the guy is cheap and stingy, get rid of him and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Do you know if he grew up poor? Many times when children are deprived of things they grow up to try to save all they can. Maybe he is so afraid of being poor again and being forced to do without that he voluntarily does without.
or
Have you considered paying for a night out yourself? Nowadays the idea of the man paying for everything makes about as much sense as the woman's place being in the kitchen. Maybe if he sees you willing to spend money he will spend as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 October 2007):
 If this is the man you love then you have got to talk to him about this, communication really is the key here. Express a concern that you feel you both never do anything anymore and that you are getting abit fed up with it. Why don't you book a table at a nice resturant this weekend, with some candle light, nice food and some good wine, who knows, after this he might even get the taste for it.
All the best x
...............................
A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (30 October 2007):
 A phrase for you "when poverty comes in the door, love goes out the window".
I feel this is loosely based on your scenario, I can relate to why your mood is detoirating.
he's not neccessarily poor, but he's behaving as if he were.
You need to decide whether you love him, or whether you love the things you're missing
...............................
|
