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female
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*ophielegs
writes: Hi everyone, im in desperate need of some advice, as i feel my whole world is being turned up side down.My grandad was taken into hospital a few weeks ago, we were told he was fine, then a few days later we were told he had six months to a year left, then we were told he had a couple of days to live. Me being the way I am, I could not go to the hospital to see him because I didnt think I could cope seeing my grandad in such a bad state. He passed away about a week ago, so me and my family have been upset. My mom told me she was going to move in with my nan for a while, I was happy about that because my nan would need some company at a time like this. But then suddenly my mom told my dad that she was not coming home and she needed some space. My dad has been in pieces since, and so I have I, because I feel not only has she abandoned my dad, she has left me to, and of all times to do it. Aparently Im old enough to look after myself now, but a mom is a mom for life as i have told her.My dad has begged my mom to come back, and she keeps on saying I dont know..I have two brothers and one sister but they dont live at home, so I feel there is alot of pressure put on me. My dad keeps on asking me to phone my mom, to tell her to come back.It kicked off again this morning I was about to go out and my dad started to cry and was asking me what to do, I called my two brothers and they come down and then my mom arrived, my dad was begging my mom to come back, but she said no. I lost my temper with my mom, so I have packed my stuff and Im not going home for a while.I just cant believe how my mom is acting towards everyone, and i cant deal with my dad. I really feel like getting away and just cutting contact with everyone...I dont know what to do?
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female
reader, sophielegs +, writes (14 April 2007):
sophielegs is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just wanted to give everyone abit of an update.basically my mom has started divorce proceedings against my dad now, so she definitely isn't coming home. I think I have had the worst few weeks in my life ever. My dad has talked about what my mom non stop for the past two weeks, and he got that down last Sunday he took an over dose and i has to call an ambulance, it was a terrible day but luckily he was ok, he just wont come to terms with the fact my mom isn't coming back. I have had as much as I can take and to top it off because my dad is angry he decided to do something very silly last night and now the police might get involved, its just one thing after another at the moment. I feel like I cant cope anymore with whats going on. My brothers and sisters have been helping out, but I'm the one who actually lives with my dad so I haven't been getting alot of sleep at all. I don't think I'm dealing with the situation well at all and i don't know what to do. Everytime something happens I disappear in my car just to get a break. I dont know what to do?
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (18 March 2007):
 Okay, the fact she's told you she's been thinking of leaving your dad means they HAVE been having problems right? She didn't use your grandad's death as an excuse to leave him. Was it her dad that died? This would have been very overwhelming for her if that's the case. Can you imagine how YOU'D feel if you lost your dad? And the man you thought loved you was giving you a hard time?
Your mom is going through a major crisis in her life just now and she has her reasons for needing her space at this time. When we're feeling alone, hurt and depressed (like your mom is) we ALL say things we don't mean... your mom loves you very much regardless of how it looks just now, she's just hurting inside and has to get her head in order before she can deal with anything else right now. Don't give her a hard time just now, be there for her and she'll open up to you when she feels a bit stronger...
Eve
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A
female
reader, sophielegs +, writes (18 March 2007):
sophielegs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou eve..
My mom told me before christmas she was leaving my dad, but nothing ever come off it. What sickens me is that she has used my grandads death as an oppurtunity to leave.
I no you say my mom cares but she really doesnt, she does not have a relationship with my sister, and the fact that she told me I am old enough to look after myself and she has put everyone first all her life, that just makes me sad.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 March 2007):
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad and the fact your mom went to stay with your nan for good. Your mom and dad have obviously been having troubles in your marriage and your grandad dying has brought it all to a head for her. Everyone in your family will be affected though especially your dad! You need to be strong and know that just because your mom left, doesn't mean she doesn't love you, of course she does, she always WILL love you but for now she just needs some time alone to think so give her that time. Be supportive of her, she'll come and see you when she's not so tearful. She just doesn't want you to see her all upset.
Try to be there for your dad too as he'll need a friend at this time. You have to remain strong and be grown up about this. There is obviously a reason your mom has left, had you noticed troubles at home in the past few months between your parents? You don't know what has happened so you can't blame your mom as it takes two people to make a success of a marriage. Ask your mom to write into this site so she can talk about her problems, she can even email me personally if she wants to. Show her your question and let her see how people are helped all the time through a site like this. Show your dad too if you think it will help and myself or the other aunts/uncles will be only too glad to help them all they can.
In the meantime you remain strong for them both! Don't hate your mom, she has her reasons for leaving and you don't know what they are. Every one has a breaking point and your grandad dying was the breaking point for your mom. Try and go back to hour house and be company for your dad. Talk to him and ask him what happened and why she left, he'll know for sure. He needs a friend just now, more than ever.
Eve
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