A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:someone please help. i recently posted asking for advice after being told doctors had found a tumor in my gran's liver. on friday i was told it's cancer, i can't handle it. i am so close to her. she's 77, they won't operate, it's in her liver, going into her bowels and traces in her bones. i just can't let her go or see her go through this. how do i go on without her? she's the most special person to me i feel like i can't go on without her. im trying to hold it together in front of her, but i can't anymore. i've just started uni and all day im in a daze and all i think of her until i get to her. what am i going to do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): thank you.x
A
female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I'm sorry you're having this difficult time... it is always hard to see someone you love ill & in pain... deathis very hard to come to grips with...regardless of what anyone says she is your grandmother sounds like you love her to pieces & have a very close bond... it will hurt always but there will come a time that you will come to grips and except that she's gone with god in heaven and never has to suffer ever again... for now enjoy her every moment, be there to comfort her through these hard times & let her know how much she means you... be strong... I will pray for both of you...
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 September 2008):
 I know how you feel, because my dad was very ill when I just started uni, as well. I know how hard it is, and how sad you feel, and how it seems impossible to get through. Please listen: it is possible to get through it, trust me, and you will. It's just probably the first time you have actually been in a situation where there isn't a good or right answer. Up to a certain point in our lives we usually go to the doctor if we have a sore throat, get some antibiotics, and then we're fine - everything is ok, and the doctor has an easy solution. And then suddenly you're up against a whole different ballgame - a situation where nobody, not even the doctors, can make it fine. But remember: your grandma is always with you, and always will be, whatever happens to her. And I absolutely promise that while you have a challenge at the moment to get through this, you will. There will come a day, and days, and then the rest of your life, where you think of your gran with love and happy memories, and you don't feel the pain of losing her. I can promise this because I feel that now about my dad - basically, I have come to terms with him not being physically here any more. But I never feel really without him, you know. He's in me, in the way I think and am, and in my memories. Your gran is, too.
She's facing a transition right now, and you need to let that happen. You can't stop it, so you have to go with it. She would want you to be focusing on uni and getting the most out of it, wouldn't she? So try to do that. And maybe try to find a counsellor to talk to at uni - it might sound daft, but they really really help. You need someone to help you with grief.
It's 10 years since my dad died, and I feel ok about it now. It takes different people different lengths of time. But right now, focus on uni, and tell your gran all about what you're doing there. Think positive. And remember this: I just think of my dad as being in Australia without a mobile phone. You know they're there, but you just can't get hold of them at the moment. But you know they're there. That's how it will be, and how it is, and how you'll get used to it and feel ok about it. I promise.
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