A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm really troubled now. I'm in love with this boy from my school, Matthew. He has hinted that our feelings are mutual recently but does not wish to take our relationship to the next level yet, because he wants to focus on his studies. I'm entirely fine with this, so we remained friends, though we like each other.Most of my girlfriends know about this too, but however, one of my friends, Kate evidently seems to like Matthew too. She has tried many ways to not let people know about it, such as telling other people she likes someone else, but it is pretty obvious that she has a thing for Matthew. Kate never misses any opportunity to talk to Matthew whenever she has a chance and flirts with him excessively. I got to know from Matthew that recently, they have been texting each other quite frequently too. I am no doubt jealous, but he insisted that she likes someone else and that I'm thinking too much, so I have nothing to say about that.However, a few days ago, things got out of hand. Kate apparently told Matthew some untrue facts about me, that I liked a lot of boys before him. That was a fib and the most upsetting thing was that he believed. He gave me the cold shoulder for a few days and when he finally told me the truth, he said he "cannot decide because he believes us both." I'm terribly disappointed in him because he actually had doubts about me. I had no idea that our relationship was so shaky that a random girl could cut in and say some lies to change his mind of me. I'm upset with my friend Kate too, because we are really good friends and she knows that Matthew and I like each other. Perhaps I'm petty, but I can't stand the idea of my crush talking to another girl about as much as he talks to me. And she actually backstabbed me. Should I confront her about this? Or should I just let it pass?
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female
reader, mooh  +, writes (12 November 2012):
Now you know where your friend Kate stands, she sees you as competition and is playing a double game, so anything you may say she will use that against you to make herself look good infront of your crush.
About your crush : he has mentioned that he has feelings for you but wants to focus on his studying for now. if he really really liked you, i think that he would want to be steady with you even if that means that there's not much time for dating because of his studies. Another thing is that he prefers to believe what Kate says about you fancying other girls, so he prefers to believe her and trusts her more then you, where as if he really was close to you then i think that he would believe you more then Kate. Do your other friends know what is going on?
Have a serious talk with him if you want to mend things or forget about him and move on.
A
female
reader, Emily Ophelia  +, writes (11 November 2012):
You should definitely confront her about that! Apart from her approach being morally wrong it is never a good thing knowing somebody is walking around, sabotaging your almost-relationships! Especially, if it is a friend!
About the guy... talk to him. He probably didn't want to get in too deep and might be scared of being hurt.
Fingers crossed things work out for you =)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 I would confront her, but in all honesty IF she can talk smack about you BEHIND your back, I'm sure she has no problem LYING to your face.
I would distance myself from her after this and I would let Matthew do his things, seems to me that he ENJOYS having girls chasing him and then pitting them against each other.
I would tell him you can chose to trust Kate or trust me, that is your prerogative, just know that I have no intentions of playing Kate's games. WHICH means YOU DO NOT talk smack about her.
The thing is HE KNOWS you like him, and IF he was REALLY interested in you.. he would no be so busy texting and lending Kate an ear. Sorry hon, he just isn't that into you.
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