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anonymous
writes: Guys or Girls, I really need your help on this one because my life depends on it. You may ask well how can a problem with your girlfriend effect your life?Well it's because my girlfriend is my life ya see. Before her I was a lonely "boy". I didn't have many friends. I didn't have any self esteem for many reasons. First because I'm larger than most and I'm not the hottest thing on the block, but as she saw right thru that. She noticed that I was beautiful and everything on the inside, so basically I'm nothing without her. So the other day she called me up and told me that her parents found out that we were dating. OK, so no big deal. So then she told me that her father done a background check on me and he saw some of the things that I done when I was younger and sstupid, so he belives that I'm some big monster and forbids me to see his daughter. It's been about a week since I've seen her and I just can't stand being away from her, especially since yesterday was my birthday. So I was hoping you could help me figure out a way to help her father to see the real me. Please Help !Eric
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reader, Drlove +, writes (8 July 2005):
first...wow....he did an actual background check on you? how very "meet the parents" of him .I don't know what you did so cannot comment on that , also hard without knowing the ages of either of you.The best I can tell you is to not push things, it will only make things worse with the father and then with your relationship.Also it may hurt right now but it isn't the end of the world. Be mature and show you've changed for starters maybe. Actions speak much louder than words.Good luck to you both
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reader, becky05 +, writes (28 June 2005):
why not approach her father and say that all the stuff you did was in the past and ask for the opportunity to prove you have changed, spend a few nights round at her house with her mum and dad and let them get to know you as the person you are now?
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reader, adviceguy +, writes (22 June 2005):
dude forget about her she aint worth it :)
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (19 June 2005):
 Hey Eric, ok Robin loves you very much. This is what I would do.... first, i would keep it secret for a lil while. Her dad said that if she can stay away from you for around a month, then he would consider letting her see you as a friend (you two can keep going out) he does not have to know. You need to let Robin's dad know that he can trust you and that you would never hurt his daughter in any way possible. She trusts you. Even when you put her on your shoulders, she knows that she can put everything that she has on you and yet, she still feels safe. she knows that nothing in her eyes can hurt her whatsoever when she is around you. ya, let him know that you really care about her. If you really love her, then make it work. We can fight through anything, Eric. lol, you r probably getting a good idea of who i am now, or getting suspicious of why and how i know so much about this. but the truth is Eric that it is me, Robin, and for anyone who does not know who "Robin" is, i am Eric's girlfriend. Anyways Eric, i am thinking about what to do as well. I feel as if if i cant live without you. you basically make me strong when i am weak, and you (and school) put the word hyper into the hyper lil Robin that everyone knows up to this day. Even though i love you worth my life, everything that i have and everything that i am, i still want my daddy to feel proud when he lift my veil up over my head, kisses my forehead, and grasps my hand into yours, and when the preacher asks who gives this lady to this man, i really want my dad to say"I do". I really dont know what what i should do. They really dont know you as i see you through my eyes. And they are just trying to protect their little girl. i guess they dont want me to get hurt, but as i said before, i trust you that you are not gonna hurt me in any way, shape, or form. So we need to talk about this later, when we are not on some website. jk. well i love you more than anything. Always remember that. good luck for the two of us ~Robin~ aka advice gurl
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (18 June 2005):
 Congratulations on having met a lovely girl who sees the real you. Finding someone who truly loves you is the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Now...
Without knowing the age of the players and what nefarious deeds you perpetrated in your checkered past, it's difficult to advise you properly. Because hey, if I were a parent and found out that my daughter's new boyfriend was a serial rapist or a baby axe murderer, I'd have to say your chances wouldn't be too good of ever seeing anyone else, much less her, ever again. Parents of young daughters aren't too rational about crimes and rehabilitation and the like. Hell, my dad was probably doing background checks on my boyfriends from his deathbed at age 70.
So while I don't think there's much hope of this father letting you see his underaged daughter again, you can try this: throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Write a letter to him. Write it carefully, with no grammar or spelling or punctuation errors, but make sure it is heartfelt. Tell him how terribly sorry you were for going out with his daughter without making his acquaintance and getting his permission upfront. Tell him that he is 100% right for being protective of his wonderful daughter, whom you cherish and respect, and that you are sorry for having put him in this position. Tell him you completely understand why he doesn't want you to see her ever again, that the things you did in your youth were terrible and you are still struggling to put the shame of them behind you. Tell him that while your actions didn't show it, you have the most honorable of intentions with his daughter and you would be grateful for the chance to prove it.
Then ask if you can meet him. Tell him you would like to do things properly, to meet him first, man to man, before asking if you could have chaperoned social calls with his daughter at the family home. Tell him you'll of course respect any decision he makes, but you do hope he'll consider it.
Then do nothing. The ball is in his court, he holds all the cards, etc.
But as you wait, please reflect on this: your life is not over now. Your girlfriend helped switch something on in you with her love—made you see what is possible in a life and what is good in you—but that is not relationship-dependent: that is a gift for you to keep and cherish and nurture forevermore. You are not "nothing without her" and the important thing to recognize is that you never were; maybe you didn't believe in yourself and maybe you were too shy or too ashamed of your past but you can make friends and even have other, wonderful, fulfilling relationships if you are brave enough to keep believing in yourself.
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reader, pops +, writes (18 June 2005):
Eric: Life does not end so soon. If you were a monster, you need to take the time to restore and repair your reputation. Get a job. Get an education. Get a hobby. Help others by joining a volunteer organization. Let people get to see the new " you ", and concerns about your past will fade. Yes, you are being punished for past behavior, but you can overcome that. When you have shown your community that you have gained an education, can hold down a job, work with others, get promotions and raises, help others without expecting some reward in return, then you will gain the respect not only of the parents but of the girls, too. Your girlfriend is using her father's feelings to let you down gently. She's telling you she does not want to see you any more, and certainly does not want a serious relationship with you. Take the hint. pops
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reader, D_Missy +, writes (18 June 2005):
All that can really be done is to have your girlfriend talk to her dad. Maybe you should try having her convince her dad to invite you over for dinner. Tell her that she needs to tell him to give you a chance because you deserve it. Also, how long ago did these little..incidents..take place? If you meet with him, you have to make sure he understands you've changed but don't try to convince him so hard that he thinks you're just being stupid. Don't over do but make sure it gets done.
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