A
male
age
51-59,
*r Wild
writes:I am having problems dealing with my girlfriends past. I have read other questions on this site where men say their girlfriends have had lots of partners but mine has had 136 and she is only 24, this is really eating away at me and I dont know what to do, she's also had a threesome with two men. I love her but how do you get past that?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I agree with the previously posted response: "You can either handle it or you can't. I can't see any middle ground on this one." That number is not just big, it's absolutely gigantic. Especially relative to her young age. I think this has gone way outside the realm of the typical "I can't handle my partner's past" questions. It's big enough (and she still knew such a specific number?) that another whole set of rules begin to kick in. It sounds like your GF had/has some kind of very serious compulsive sexual addiction. This is not the kind of thing that just happens without some kind of serious abuse or something to start it. And it's not gonna just go away on its own either.She probably needs long-term therapy if she's not already getting it. And even then she's gonna be a real challenge for the therapist.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I have read what Yos has said and he makes a good point. I also wrote a long answer to the September question that he had linked to. I just reread my answer and see that it is somewhat different than what I have said below to your question. I believe that I can see why my feelings have changed somewhat in the past 2 and 1/2 months. When I wrote that answer I was struggling with this question myself and telling myself what I needed to think. Now that I am feeling comfortable with my wife's previous sexual life I can think more objectively about the subject. I realize that I am feeling comfortable with my wife's previous sexual life now because I can understand why she did what she did. I now think that I would have much trouble with 136 partmers because I would be unable to find a rational reason that would allow me to accept her behavior. When I wrote that answer in September, pwehaps I was also writing it to myself to halp me with my feelings.
Only you can decide what to do. As I have said in my answers to similar questions, only you can decide if you can live with these feelings. The only thing that I can add at this moment is that you will probably never completely get them out of your mind and that there are many others who also have struggled with this problem.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 I understand what you're going through. Don't take what some of the others have said here at face value. Rather understand that the feelings you are having are not unusual, and that you are to alone, they have experienced it too. This comes up here frequently. I've experienced this myself and have written about it here a lot. Look in my answer history to read about it, here is a link to one of the longer answers:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/reading-her-journal-i-found-out-she-has.html
Please mail me on this site if you want any more advice. Best of luck to you.
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male
reader, BABYCUBY  +, writes (18 December 2007):
LISTEN HONESTLY MY FRIEND 4 WAS TO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE, I DONT SEE HOW IN THE WORLD YOU CAN EVER TAKE HER SERIOUSLY IF SHE CAN REMEMBER 135 MEN THAT SHE HAS GIVEN HER BODY TOO, THEN HOW MANY TIMES DID SHE DO IT WITH EACH OF THEM, HER SEX EXPERIENCES CAN BE IN THE THOUSANDS!!! LISTEN MAN YOU HAVENT MARRIED HER SHE IS STILL JUST YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU NEED TO KEEP IT MOVIN AND GET YOURSELF A DECENT WOMAN THAT YOU CAN RESPECT AND EVEN THOUGH SHE WASNT A VIRGIN LIKE MOST OF US MEN HERE WISHED OUR WIVES HAD BEEN. AT LEAST YOU CAN RESPECT HER AND LOVE HER AND HAVE A GOOD LIFE. THAT MANY MEN IS INSANE , THERE ARE RETIRED PORN ACTRESSES THAT HAVE HAD MANY LESS MEN THEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT MOVING MY BROTHER.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Sorry, but I have to agree with some of the things that SamuraiRick said. To have had 10 or 20 partners by the age of 25 is one thing, but to actually keep a count of 136 partners is another. Maybe she has changed and could be a devoted and loving partner, but with the way she has kept track of that many men, I would be afraid that she would just use me and dump me or always want to go out for more action.
She either is just a slut or she is someone who mistakenly thinks that sex is love and will never be able to truly love someone. My wife had 10, maybe 11 partners after her divorce many years ago. She wasn't sure because she had no reason to keep track. She was looking for love and affection after a divorce where her husband degraded her and cheated on her. It only took her about 5 or 6 partners before she realized that she was jsst sleeping with guys in order to find affection and not finding it much. She then started looking for a real relationship. I can understand what she went through after her divorce, but I can't comprehend why a woman, or man for that matter, would have to keep track of 136 partners. I would think that that woman or man would have no capacity for a real relationship.
I used to have bad thoughts about my wife picking up a few guys and going home with them that night and I had a reoccurance of these bad thoughts after 28 years. We discussed it for a month and I again feel fine with it. You will probably never get these thoughts out of your mind. If you cannot rationalize why she did this and why it is acceptable that she did this, then I am afraid that you will never be able to accept it. I have only been able to accept my wife's behavior because I understand what she went through and that she had good reasons to look for love by picking up men sometimes. It only took her a few men before she realized that was not the way to find love.
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reader, chlez83  +, writes (18 December 2007):
Personally i can't handle that.Even 10 is too much for me.It seems you are finding it hard to accept it.It won't change with time because it's the past.So either live with it or move on and end things with your girlfriend.Who knows she may have plans of dumpping you too!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): 136 sounds like a lot, but probably mostly one night stands, probably meaningless. Maybe she includes guys she has had oral with or made out with on the list? Maybe she didn't have vaginal intercourse with all of them
Anyway, it's irrelevant to your present. She knows what she wants, or at least is trying to figure it out. I am sure you've had your fair share of partners before her. I am also sure that you don't compare everything she does to all your exes (if thats what you're worried about). It's the past. She's different now, and wants to be with you.
Just be glad she's got a lot of experience as long as she is STD free, she's a catch.
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Dude, I would find this hard to deal with too! What’s scary is that she is keeping count like it a sports stat! And if she's doing this it’s like a game to her. Its not love, its sex! And she's had so much sex, you wonder if she can even be objective about true love when it ever hits her.
In plain English your girlfriend is a hoe, a tramp, a freak, and nymphomaniac. There are porn stars that have had less sex than your girlfriend! She is not out for a relationship, at least not seriously, and if she ever does settle for one guy, it will be because he makes the most money of the bunch, and is just too tired to keep up the pace.
So where does that put you. Are you the guy with the most money, so she's settled on you? Or are you just another toy she'd get bored with and throws away later? Only you can answer that?
It’s a tough spot to be in... She will always compare you with 135 other guys, and very likely a lot of them were better than you in many departments. Bigger size, better stamina, more muscles...If I were you I’d try not to mention who was better than you. I’m sure she's rated guys on her stat book along with their numbers.
Johhny...he was good in bed but he tends to fart too much. Billy, nice guy, good package, but does bad oral! Sam, he's a great kisser but he fumbles with his hands.
So what does she say about you? Hmmm... Dr Wild is a doctor; I'll keep him for a while, and take as much money as I can grab before I find another hot guy.
I'm sorry to have to put it to you so bluntly, but your girl's is a bona fide FREAK.
Personally, I’d stay with her and test her, see how the relationship goes. You never know. Maybe you are the One for her. It’s not impossible…. But I would not see her as marriage material just yet. Usually I’m big believer in leaving the past in the past. But she doesn’t just have a past…she has a record!
This is all on you dude. Nobody here can make a decision for you. But if you’re already uncomfortable with her past, how can you ever get around it in the future?
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reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Wow - she's got a good memory!
Look, either you can handle this or you can't. I don't see any middle ground.
If it were me, I would be wondering why it didn't work with the other 135. Is there a personality or behavioural spike somewhere?
Good luck anyway.
Richard
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reader, Sandman +, writes (18 December 2007):
 You get passed it by realizing that many people have very checkered pasts and that's exactly where it should be left to, in the past.
You girlfriend led a completely different life before she met you. If she has calmed down and slowed her sexual conquests, then this means she is growing up and understanding that this type of behavior is not healthy (with STD's and all).
The only thing you would need to worry about in my opinion is if she is still adding notches to the headboard. That would be cause for concern because ultimately she will either leave you or cheat on you. If this isn't the case, leave her past alone.
Next time don't make yourself privy to information you might not want to know the answer to.
Hope this helps.
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