A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a woman, Megan, who's been divorced for a long time now, at the time she was already divorced for 4 years and was ready for a relationship. We met in March 2015.Our relationship has been pretty good, and is now in the serious stage.Conflicts are generally over the smaller things than big issues, we're of a similar mindset on the bigger things.Getting to the point, the bigger issue is her ex-husband has been trying to get back into her life and won't get the message that she's not interested in getting back with him and she's in a committed relationship; he's a fairly high-profile (in a town not far away anyway) man. He's not famous, but he is rich. Not mega-rich, but rich enough.She divorced him due to his addiction to prostitutes/call girls and repeatedly spending time away mysteriously which she suspected to be an affair, they divorced on irreconcelable differences so I'm told.He wanted both her and prostitutes but she said no, it wasn't gonna happen and he couldn't accept that.Apparently even now he's still using prostitutes, and it's admitted on his own social media (you'd think it'd cause controversy, but it hasn't affected his image apparently).They don't have any kids at all so no issues over parenthood unless you consider my partner's guinea pigs as her "children".She's shown me text messages from him which she's ignored.She's already had gifts sent to her, although returning eight of them will be problematic... those eight gifts were digital, not physical gifts (codes for things online like lingerie stores or online shops etc. so returning those gifts isn't easy)Already, she's done the right things, blocking him on social media etc. and ignoring him.However, he lives 20 miles away from us, which isn't far, and he doesn't mix in our social circles and we're not in his, so the probability of seeing him is/was low.My partner has told me she's stressed about it, she's gone to the police over it but they said it's not a priority as no physical harassment took place and they claim it barely qualified as stalking.My partner sees me as the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life and sees him who she was with from 2003-2010 as a mistake. She met him aged 23 in 2003, and divorced him by December 2010 aged 30, and regrets getting married by 23.As it is, there's also a separate issue which we've somehow handled; wealth disparity; my partner is significantly wealthier than me (she's from a wealthy family locally and she emigrated here) whereas I'm middle-class, not working-class poor and working in McDonald's but not super-rich either, but somehow we've managed to handle it. She was born into wealth, I wasn't basically.I didn't date her because she was rich, but because she had a fun, bubbly personality and was friendly. She told me how she found it difficult to make friends and people only really wanted her for her money not who she was, but said I didn't fit that stereotype, on our fourth date.She's asking me for support both emotionally and practically, and I feel like I can only give support emotionally but I can't do so practically on the matter.I want to be the best partner I can be, but other than listening to her about this (which I do), how can I help her practically?Why would her ex-husband suddenly want to come back into her life after 11 years, and get back with her? Is he a stalker ex, or am I wrong to think this way?I'm not sure what to do for the best in this situation and don't know what, if any, is the "right thing" to do, morally/ethically.
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affair, divorce, her ex, money, prostitute, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Report his continued harassment to the police. They do have law-enforcement in Canada I presume? You don't have to endure continued harassment and stalking; just because someone is wealthy, or has influence. The law is the law. Are you both afraid of him?
Take the gifts, sell them on eBay; and give the money to charity on his behalf. Send him the receipts to deduct on his taxes; and keep copies and photos of the gifts.
Unless he kidnaps your girlfriend, or does her bodily harm; there is no law against sending someone presents. Except for illicit materials, sexually explicit materials, illegal drugs, threatening artifacts, poisonous and infectious substances, or contraband. There are laws throughout North America against harassing people; as long as you can provide proof. If it walks like a stalker, talks like a stalker, and behaves like a stalker...it's a stalker!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 May 2021):
 Why is your girlfriend's ex suddenly wanting to come back into her life? My guess would be one of two things are going on here. Either he has had a serious relationship (or, even more than one)since they split up, which has now ended, and he is looking to his ex for security, or it has finally dawned on him, all these years down the line, that he is leading an empty meaningless loveless life and he wants more. Perhaps he has lost someone close, or had a health scare. Either of these things can make people rethink their life choices. As you say though, he is still openly doing what split him and his ex up in the first place, so nothing has changed on that score.
Your girlfriend is handling this situation sensibly and maturely. She needs to block him on every platform so he cannot reach her. I wouldn't worry too much about digital "gifts". Just ignore them.
Hopefully the ex will get bored soon if you both continue to ignore him. I suspect the wealth inequality is making you more sensitive to this issue than necessary. Carry on listening to your girlfriend without trying to "fix" the situation. Tell her, if she ever needs you to do anything to help, she only has to say. Until then, just keep listening and reassuring her that she is doing the right thing.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 May 2021):
 I don't think that you have to worry about her wanting to get back with him, she is happily divorced from him and i would guess the last thing she would want is to entertain him again.
The main reasons they divorced in the first place he is still openly doing so nothing has changed on his part.
She has done all the right things by blocking him, and by going to the police. Even though they said that they can't do anything there will still be a record on file somewhere that a complaint was lodged.
Why he would want her back after 11 years in anybody's guess. But i'm guess its not because he want's to embark on a deep and meaningful relationship with her.
There is not an awful lot you can do really, you say no kids are involved so could you not sell up and buy somewhere where he does not know your location?.
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