A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years and things for the most part seem to be going great. I even bought a ring a few months ago with the intent to propose on our anniversary now 1 month away. Here's the problem. She started a new job 10 months ago and I know her new boss is flirting with her. He sends her text messages at 10 or 11pm at night and although she deletes most of them I've read a few. He calls her "sunshine" and says other innapropriate things nothing too suggestive but definatly more than just friendly professional talk. What should I do? I don't think I can approach her and talk about it at least not yet. Sad thing is he met me and knows she has a boyfriend. It's taking all my strength to hold this in without approaching him directly.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (4 September 2007):
 That must really burn you up to have this guy texting and persuing your prospective fiance. I know Id be a little peeved to say the least!
I dont understand why you havnt talked to the woman you are hoping to marry in more depth about this yet. Whats holding you back? This is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should start biulding some good communication skills with her. There will be allways be conflicts in relationships. Maybe not the same as this, but you will have to be able to talk about things your not comfortable with.
Id say start discussing it with her and offer her all the support you can to get this weirdo off of her back. If there is grounds for harassment she will need your support. Try to refrain from overprotective behavior. I dont mean be soft and wimpy but I also dont mean tracking the guy down in a parking lot and getting all jack booted thug on him.
If she is worth marrying she will not be opposed to solving this rationally.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): talk to her not him and ask her whats going on if she isnt doing anything with her boss than the late night texting and things are not acceptable and you want it to stop that she shouldnt have to put up with that its sexual misconduct and she can report him but the best thing to do is talk to her
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A
female
reader, Hello Holly +, writes (4 September 2007):
Can you call the human resources office at the company and anonomously leave a tip? Surely this relationship is not professional.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 You should not have to approach him. You should be asking her why she is accepting text messages at that hour. She needs to redefine her "business" relationship by telling her boss, in no uncertain terms, what her "office" hours are. If she balks at this request, she may be hiding a different kind of relationship.
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A
female
reader, I don't know! +, writes (4 September 2007):
I say talk to her about it and be totally up front and just voice your worries and ask point blank- why does boss-man feel so comfortable sending text messages at late hours? That would definitely be a red flag for me...good luck!
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A
male
reader, Glennsta +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Ouch! what a bad position to be in. First i would make sure your gf doesnt act wierd when she recieves them around you. Make sure he isnt calling her sunshine for a reason. Second if you feel like you can trust your girlfriend and have no doubts about foul play. Just sit down and talk to her, let her know she has to tell her boss that there might be a problem with him texting her after work. She needs to let him know that she is happily taken and hopefully he will get the point... Good luck
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