A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and i started dating 2 and a half years ago. At the beginning of the relationship, within the first 3 months, she became very close to a guy. They made matching t-shirts and a whole bunch of lame stuff i'm sure they thought was cute. They were good friends for about a month and a half. When i read through her texts, (because i was suspicious) i found out they he was telling her he loved her before he went to bed and they talked on the phone sometimes. So i questioned her, and she admitted she had feelings for him and he obviously liked her. So she stopped talking to him for me, they barely even keep in touch now. They never hooked up and she never cheated on me. My problem is that all this time passed and I still feel horrible that she had strong feelings for someone during the beginning of our relationship..a time when we made lots of good memories. I'm worried i can't trust her and that she will do something that will lead to an affair in our future. She assures me she has changed and matured but i still get depressed. Should i move on or learn to trust her? I really love her
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys! I appreciate it, I see now that I should stay with her and give her a pass, I refuse to spend any more time dwelling..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Maybe she did have feelings for him, but her feelings for you were stronger.
It is time to let it go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): She did emotionally cheat OP, but then again she was how old? That can happen with teen girls before they realize it's not on, which she did and she then stopped.
Plus it was the first three months, while you may have called each other bf/gf that's way too soon to consider it a serious thing, especially as compared to now.
Unfortunately OP that was over two years ago and you still haven't moved on. Has she done anything at all since then to make you think you can't trust her?
If not then you have to give her a pass, you have to learn to trust her or lose a girl you love for a stupid mistake she made when she was still a kid and still only barely dating you (regardless of the title you had at the time).
OP I'm speaking as a guy who wouldn't have put up with that for a second and would have dumped her right there and then. But you didn't, you chose to stick with her and give her that chance and over 2 years on it sounds like you may have a great relationship, don't ruin that by dwelling.
Want to know if she'll ever do that again? You don't, it's unlikely or it'd have happened already but there are no guarantees in life OP, no woman is guaranteed never to cheat. You can't worry about that all your life or you miss out on the beauty of life.
If she hasn't given you any reason since that time to think she's untrustworthy then you have to put it down to her being young and naive, and OP, she chose you over mr. matching sap, that counts for more than you can imagine.
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A
female
reader, auntymarie  +, writes (1 March 2013):
Ultimately only you know if you can trust her.
Having said that she made a choice at the begining of your relationship and chose you.
She wasn't unfaithful to you and was honest about her feelings and didn't persue the other guy.
I feel you need to put your feelings behind you and move on in this relationship. If you keep holding onto the jealousy it will get in the way of your love for this girl.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (1 March 2013):
 you say she didn't cheat on you, but yes she did. just because she didn't physically sleep with him (which there's no way to know for sure never happened), she certainly emotionally cheated.
this would bother me greatly. the beginning of a relationship should be the honeymoon phase. sounds to me like she had a honeymoon phase with someone else.
it's hard for me to say what you should do or how you should feel at this point. if it were me, i would have left her two and a half years ago. but you aren't me and you didn't do that.
you choose to forgive her and move on. and in my opinion, once you make that decision, that means you MUST forgive and let it go. this entails not looking back and focusing on the past over and over. you look forward and build trust, otherwise you'll never be able to move on. it'll be miserable for you, as you'll drive yourself insane with insecurities and jealousy, and she'll be miserable with you constantly hounding her or questioning her.
if you don't feel like you can completely put this past you and not dwell on it, then i think you are better off cutting ties and going your seperate ways. if in two and a half years, you haven't been able to rebuild your trust, i don't know how you'll ever be able to. and honestly, i can't blame you. i couldn't get past someone cheating on me. it would be the end of our relationship.
definitely take some time and think this over. be realistic with yourself. if you aren't able to get over this, then move on. if you can, then i suggest you look forward and never look back. good luck!
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 At the beginning of the relationship when you found that out you should of ended it right then and there because this what is happening now, you getting depressed thinking she liked someone else when you guys just got together is always going to be there and it's never going to stop eating you up.
This is going to drive you both apart. You need to talk to her let her know how you're feeling otherwise this will just keep eating at you and you'll end up splitting up because of something that happened so long ago.
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