A
female
age
51-59,
*he mow
writes:I left my partner for what was initially a short time 6years ago,he was dificult n verbally abusive,we lived in Ireland and I took my daughter who was then 12,she started school in the UK n loved it,my partner was upset which shocked me as he had shown little interest in us when we lived with him. I loved him n wanted to go bk but my girl wanted to stay here in skill and I felt torn,I have taken her back to see him often in the interverning years and we continued to stay in the house we both shared. he would never come to the UK to see us as he doesn't like UK. I kept promising him over the years we would go back but every new school year my girl kept begging to stay.I tried to keep the relationship btw all of us by going on many visits and we had a son 4 years ago just to make things more complex!last summer he left our home n got his own place which shocked me. he said he wanted to move on but I know he has no one else and no job. he finds closing financially dealt hard n now can't support us so I work 2 or 3 weeks each mpnth while he has our son which is hard for me. when my daughter goes to uni this year im thinkin about going back to live in the old house we shared even tho he won't be there it might make amends. He was constantly angry about me taking his girl away every time I see him he displays anger toward me n never takes any part responsibility in y I left,that said I still love him n hope a move back will soften his attitude but I don't know!
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female
reader, the mow +, writes (3 March 2013):
the mow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for all the sound advice I really need to see this situation as it is and all the replies have been really helpful x
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (2 March 2013):
stay where you are
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A
female
reader, Abalicious  +, writes (2 March 2013):
You should put you're kids first and do what is safest and healthiest for them, which should not include getting back with this guy, who sounds like a user.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): Even though you left years ago because of his abuse he is still controlling you. You would be free soon your daughter happy and off to University. Now you have a 4yr old son who will tie you longer to this bullying waster who could not be bothered to cross a bit of water to see his daughter.
When will you stop living purely to please this no mark who now can't even afford to support his son? You left him because you were unhappy,even your daughter didn't want to go back
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A
male
reader, Bill Maher +, writes (1 March 2013):
Why would you get back together with someone abusive. Do not do it he just wants to have fun hurting you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 WE guys love it when a woman coddles us like "Mommy" used to.... AND gives us pass after pass for our boorish behaviour. How ecstatic would your man be if he (read this submittal, and...) knew just how you've agonized over coming back for still MORE abuse at his hand?????
C'mon, wake up!!! You have means by which you can stay away from this guy... so exercise those means and DO stay away from him..... and NEVER look back.... and get on with your (and your kids') life(s)......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Not at all he's being a baby and wanting what he can't have.I'm sorry you've made all of those trips to see him so he should come to the UK whether or not he likes it to see his daughter if he is THAT bothered.He doesn't want to move anywhere and he's only upset you're taking his daughter away is because he wants her close by so he doesn't have to have contact with her so far away.I think you should do what is right by your daughter and son and just stay where you are move on with your life.He's verbally abusive that isn't going to change. You need to continue life as it is with him over the other side of the waters.Your daughter clearly enjoys where she is now so don't take that from her she's growing up and becoming more independent let her live her life in the UK as she has wanted too for so long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): Oh yeah of course it will because it was really soft before wasn't it? With you know, all the verbal abuse and stuff.
I'm sorry OP but you're living in a fantasy world of bubbles and kittens. "If I do this, he'll change. If I change the things he's angry about, he'll be the lovely guy I wish he was. If I close my eyes and click my ruby slippers three times I can take us back to Kansas, Toto!"
6 years ago he was verbally abusive and difficult, 6 years later he's angry and blames you for whole host of shit when if he cared so much all he had to do was grab a plane ticket and join you. Doesn't exactly sound like he's changed at all.
Sorry OP, but the love of your life is just a bitter old prick. His attitude has not softened once in all the time you've known him. You'd think by now you'd understand it's who he is.
OP with all due respect he can't even afford to financially support his child.
He's the one who needs to make amends OP, you set up a nice life over in the UK and all he did was give you shit, anger, blame, guilt, stopped supporting you financially, never once came over to visit? Basically for the past 6 years he's been emotionally abusing you and you want think there's some kind of happy ending here?
I'm sorry OP but you'd be better off buying a pair of ruby slippers and clicking your heels.
OP what is it you love about him? The fact he abuses you? That he's bitter? That he's a deadbeat that can't support his kid? The fact he never tried to visit to even see what life is like where you live? The fact he blames you for everything? Where do you get this notion that he's somehow fixable?
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