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male
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*amless_lover
writes: I am by no means considering proposal, and I have only been with my girlfriend for about 3 months, but any time I think of the future, it involves her. I have even thought of how I am going to ask her dad for her hand, and how I am going to propose! Is this rash? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2005): Wow, guy...You've met someone who makes your toes curl and you're all ready to put up that white picket fence with her. A whirlwind courtship, perhaps? Whoa-hold your horses, man. Proposing when you're still in the dizzy, euphoria stage --before you've tackled some real relationship challenges, survived your beloved's every mood, and received unequivocal signs that she or he is ready to move full steam ahead could lead to disaster for you. I can see you are a romantic at heart but three months into a relationship is NOT the time to even think of marriage. Give the relationship time to flourish, grow and progress and see where you are with her about one year down the road. Remember, circumstances and people could change so relax and have a blast with your new love.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 July 2005):
 Rash? No. What it means to me is that you're probably a big softie with a romantic heart.
Now, there's not a thing wrong with that, but be sure that you don't let that romantic headiness lead you astray into *doing* something rash. Thinking about it is fine and not unusual. But, trust me, you can't possibly know a person in just 3 months, so you can't possibly know that you want to wake up next to the person and smell their morning breath every day for the rest of your life.
Everyone knows that the first part of any relationship is the ultra-smoochie period. For about 6 months to a year you can expect to experience the rush of sexual thrill and infatuation with your partner, and sometimes it can be very tempting to carry through romantic plans like moonlight proposals, just because it all feels so wonderful.
Take it from Old Experience (me), here, that "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" isn't just a handy cliche! I've seen people make mistakes like that and done it once myself. If your relationship is strong and secure, then it will survive a year or two or three, before you formalise it with marriage.
Just take your time and don't ACT too quickly.
(One last thought, too: not that I want to rain on your parade, but in the distant future, if you do decide you want to marry this woman, promise that you'll run the proposal thing by her first, before going to her dad, OK? While it might seem a big romantic gesture of Yesteryear, it could be considered an almighty slap to her 21st Century dignity, as if her father "owns" her and can barter over her value with another man... This is only a friendly comment from a stranger, but meant to help.)
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