A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I of 9 months have recently moved in together. She feels as if I am lying to her if I don't tell her EVERYTHING I do. From who I talk to, to emailing an accquaintance to who I had lunch with.Am I in the wrong for feeling as if I don't need to tell EVERY detail?I realize that if these emails, talking and lunches were with just other women I'd be in the wrong but its even men, group outings and email with high school grad's. (from 20 yrs ago).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): You ask whether you are wrong for feeling you don't need to tell her every detail. The answer is NO! What she's doing IS unhealthy and coming out of her own insecurities.
Still, the idea Tommy7 has of telling her everything in excruciating detail, every day for a while is a good one.....hopefully she will come to realize she can trust you and its not necessary to know everything.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (18 September 2007):
Tell her everything for awhile. She will get bored and more trusting.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 September 2007):
 It's not uncommon, but it is unhealthy. Unwarranted suspicion puts strains on relationships. She's protecting the relationship by acting the way she is. I'd check into her past. She needs help separating the pain from the past and leaving it with the person who caused the problems. The problem is, when hurt in a relationship we take that pain to our new ones, and automatically the behaviors that were done in past relationships become suspicions in our new ones, even if we haven't given them any reason to suspect anything. She needs to realize you're not the one who caused her the pain, and you deserve the same chance to screw up or to prove to her that you won't without her predetermining that you will.
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 There must be something fueling her suspicions. It could be that in the past, she's been hurt by an unfaithful mate and she's looking for signs in this relationship so she can bail before she gets her heart dashed to pieces again. It could be something in your behavior that's fueling her doubts. Some men are a little too flirty with other women, they're eyes wander a bit too much, and it makes their mates feel like it's only a matter of time before they cheat on them. Do you have any ex-girlfriends that still e-mail or contact you? This is another source of great aggravation in new relationships. It's hard enough to trust someone new and fall in love, without worrying about the "ex" lurking around behind the scenes trying to lure you back into an affair. Maybe your reluctance to talk about things makes it seem like you're hiding things. Just try to be open with her and honest and perhaps in time, she'll start to relax. Sometimes when we're in love with a wonderful guy, we're looking for the hidden strings of deception because we can't believe there's someone so wonderful out there. Just be patient, and try to give her as many details as you can when you chat about your day. Maybe she's just a detail person and likes to hear the facts so she'll better understand you. I hope this helps you out.
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