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male
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*do808
writes: Well, I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months already. Everything is going good. We are both, just graduated from high school. She likes me a lot, and I like her a lot. The thing is, that she thinks oral sex, sex, or even sexual foreplay is "disgusting" or "inappropriate". Even masturbation, she claims she does not know how and that she is not interested. Well I do respect her decisions and I do not push for any type of sexual activity. But it feels as if something is missing from our relationship. And I truly believe it is because she is not interested in doing anything sexual. Is it possible to have a relationship without anything like that? I am a male, and I do have cravings, and I do supress them for her. But it gets depressing to know, we will never go beyond kissing. She tells me she wants to have sex when she is married. Which is in 14 years, and she is not joking. I respect that decision. But I do wish she would do some of the inbetween things before sex. I mean I get depressed of the fact that she is not interested in doing those kind of things. Should I press the matter or leave it alone and stay bummed out at the fact I'll be going out with someone just to hug and kiss but never anything more.
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male
reader, mdo808 +, writes (7 June 2006):
mdo808 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very muuch for your responses. Anymore would be greatly appreciated
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): As a female who has been feeling *slightly* conned by her partner (I like sex and he doesn't) and left in a quandry (do i stay or go, but have a child to consider) I would strongly suggest that you give up on this relationship.
There is a huge difference between being slightly mismatched in sexual appetites, but you and your GF seem to be poles apart on this matter.
I understand that some people may think I am shallow for viewing things like this, but take it from somebody who knows the devasting consequences to your self esteem and ego at having a partner who just *can't/doesn't want* sex.
Think seriously about how far you wish this relationship to go and if you think she will change her mind.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): Would I wait 14 years? No, way.Would I wait a couple of years? Perhaps, if I felt she was the one.It's not really a good sign that she finds so much about sex revolting. Do you expect this to change? I don't see why it would. She sounds like the kind of girl that only wants to have sex to reproduce. Would you be happy waiting years to be with her, only to find you can only have sex with her, missionary position, with the lights off, once in a blue moon?Do you think you would be better off with someone who shares the same sexual desires and urges as yourself? I mean, there's a lot of fun to be had having sex. You could be with someone who is fulfilling the fantasies of your dirty little mind right now, and visa-versa. ;)
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A
female
reader, Aunt Jess +, writes (7 June 2006):
 my first point i have to make is that she is not that old...
is she about 17/18?
some people either have very strong beliefs or just simply havent been surrounded by the idea that sex/sexual activity r the "norm". maybe shes just trying to make herself feel that u respect her for who she is. do u know about her past? has she ever been treated badly by someone else? cos this could explain why shes avoiding things.
i have to say that her reactions arent personal, but simply her feelings and im glad that youve respected them.
the last thing u shud do is tell her that youre unhappy because this could go reali wrong, so just hope that she may change her mind in a few months time.
also, 3 months isnt neccesarily the cut-off point in which u have either had sex many times or never will. its just a matter of patience and it will seem a lot more special after waiting.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I understand you being annoyed by all this, as you say, we all have out urges. However, if you love this girl and she is the one you want to spend your life with, you will wait until she is ready, whenever they happens to be.
She obviously has very strict views on sex, and that's a good thing. At least you know she's not a slag and won't have been with anyone before. That's most guys dream, for the woman they love to lose their virginity to them!!
You seem to really like her but if you carry on this frustrated, you may feel the need to go elsewhere to find what you want, and that's never good. You may want to talk to her, say you're a bit frustrated and see if she'll at least try some stuff. If she really doesn't want to, and I admire her for that, then you have to live with it or move on.
I hope you can be patient, you seem to really like her. Buy some guys mags and sort yourself out!!!
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