A
male
age
36-40,
*poonman
writes:So, i've been with my girlfriend for a little over 9 months. We hang out a couple days a week and really enjoy spending time with each other. However, a few days ago she invites me over to her house and tells me that she wants to take a break. She says she's at a point in her life where she needs to find out what she needs to do for her future and get out of her rut (which she has never told me she was in previously). She says she needs to focus all her attention on this, and says that it won't be fair for me because she won't be able to give me what I deserve. She says i deserve the best and she can't be that for me right now. All that being said I need advice on what to do. I'm completely miserable without her. I can't sleep at night because all I do is replay the times we've had in my head. She was one of the only good things I had going for me in my life at the moment. I just don't know what to do...
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male
reader, spoonman +, writes (2 October 2010):
spoonman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice!
A
female
reader, juliefofulie +, writes (1 October 2010):
 spoonman, it sounds to me like she was trying to break up with you in a very honest and gentle way. Unfortunately, by using the words "right now" she's leaving things open-ended for you, which isn't fair. When you break up with someone in a rational manner (and let's face it, she could've been an ass or passive-aggressive about it), it's generally nice to allow the hurt party a few days to process; and then agree to a follow-up conversation and answer any questions. What I would do is ask if she will agree to talk to you. Tell her you're having a hard time with things and ask her to clarify if she just wants to take a break and have some space, or if she is done for good. Let her know how you feel about her, tell her you hope she changes her mind, and wish her the best. If you really care about this girl, you don't want to burn any bridges. In time she may realize she misses you and wants another chance. But I think you need to take the things she said to you at face value, and give BOTH of you a chance to make some changes and heal and grow. Your words "she was the one of the only good things I had going for me..." are very telling. That can put a lot of strain and responsibility on a person, and she may not be ready for that.Good luck, spoonman. It's going to get better.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Just let her go, dont contact her at all. Its going to be hard for you.
She is either telling you she is dumping you but too scared to say it or she does want her space or she has found someone else.
Just give it time, chances are she will start missing you and get back in touch. If she does dont go running back to her stay distant and weary for some time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): I think you should contact her and tell her that its not easy to live without her now.
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