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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I,m writing this as i can of need to vent my feelings. I know a guy who at first i thought was pretty decent, seemed nice etc... turns out i couldn't have been more wrong, let me explain. We slept together a few times last year, i thought he he liked me, he told me he did, yeah i know silly me. Well that ended and he got a girlfriend, a few months into his "relationship", he startes texting me to mess around again but not just me he also texts a friend of mine saying exactly the same thing to her. she showed me the evidence. Turns out this guy is a first class liar and cheat. He still flirts with anything with a pulse and recently he was in town, he asked to meet for a drink, i said i was busy seeing as i knew what kind of sleaze he really was. A friend of mine told me that he was in a bar and asked one of her friends if he could come back to her place, don't forget he's still with this girlfriend.What's really, really p***ing me off is that at one time i liked this guy, i don't anymore knowing what he's like now.The reason i felt like writing this is because i was on facebook and saw one of his best friends, she's a girl and she's intelligent at that, she wrote "hi how are you and *girls name* see this friend is not stupid and this brings me to my question or questions. why don't people, intelligent people, really see what this guy's like? Do guys like this always get away with it? Turns out he is a complete pig but most people, unless they've been flirted with by him, don't see it.
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 This is a little off topic but be aware that just because a guy puts on charm does not mean he's casting a wide net. That's just speculative, some guys do it because they want a genuine relationship with someone and It's up to you to figure it out. Don't take charm the wrong way.
In your case just forget about him and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are "friends" on facebook, and to be honest i usually appear offline when he's on there. He was just online when i was, that's all. I don't see him in person at all, not since our thing ended and he got with his girlfriend.
I know what he's like and like i said i don't like him in that way anymore, not for a while now actually.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): . . . which indicates that you're still talking to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust when i thought he couldn't be anymore dickish, he was online and was asking me about myself and said "so, what do you do? then he said "apart from me ;)" i'm not kidding! i replied "not anymore i don't"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Its probably for two reasons. 1) he is a good manipulator. Men like that are master manipulators, they know how to push people's buttons and play with their emotions.
2) The girls he does surround himself with probably have just as poor moral character as he does. They prob do know what he is up to, they just don't care. I guarantee you these women are nothing special. Just like him they might seem to have alot going for them on the OUTSIDE, appearance based, but inside, they are complete emotional cripples, pieces of sh*ts just like him...
I would just stay away from these people.
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female
reader, MoonLux  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Guys like that are always "on". They put on the charm and glitz because in a way, they're casting a wide net. I think the jerk is insecure and I can understand why you would want to do something about it - he's getting used to getting what he wants and just tossing it to the side. He's going to come across the woman who's going to make sure he learns his lesson. Meanwhile, you move on babe. From your post, you know that one's not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for everybodys responses, i'd just like to point out that i didn't mean i was smarter than the other girls as yes i fell for it too i just was curious as to how so many people can be fooled by someone like that, especially if you're their girlfriend. Also, anonymous, you hit the nail on the head with regards to describing him: he has a very good job, is a maths graduate etc... so yes you could say in a way he's succesful.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 This guy is a first class player..he's pretty good. But unless you have some experience with guys like that and know how to detect the signs then you will fall into his set trap. Love em and leave em. Now, I will say there are ones that seep into the cracks and go unnoticed by some intelligent women, especially when their guard is down before they know it they've been deceived. It happens to the best of us. Just take a mental note of his type, file it away for future reference.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Sorry hun but you already slept with him several times. That's where I stopped reading.
If you were any wiser in the real world than the rest of these girls then you wouldn't be a notch on his bedpost too. End of story. Whatever he is doing, it worked on you just as well as it works on these other girls now.
You might say "But I didn't have evidence of how he really is, they do!" So what? It's your body, you can go get some evidence before sleeping with someone. I doubt it would have been that difficult to start hitting dirty laundry if you had tried to ask around about him. Players tend to leave plenty of wreckage in their wakes. You can usually get suspicions just from some talking to someone if you listen carefully.
Bottom line, I bet you probably just didn't try very hard to see what you didn't want to see until you had already gotten into bed with him a few times. These other girls are doing the same thing.
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (3 November 2010):
Just because he's a nice guy it dosent mean that all nice guys are bad. He just played you and is a twisted twat who is unsure of himself.
You could always set him up and both you and your friend play a game back on him to meet at a pub for a few drinks then let him know what kind of jerk he is. He will never do it again. Oh and if you know the girlfriend ... Invite her along to witness what type of guy he really is. She might thank you for saving her heart.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Guys like that are usually really good at coming across as charming and genuine when they want something. Just because his friend made that comment doesn't mean she doesn't know, she could be turning a blind eye. Some people simply don't care what their friends' love lives are like, as long as it doesn't affect them they're not bothered by it and won't judge because of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): there are different forms of ''intelligence''. People often function in one part of their lives, and not well in another. This man seems also to be a sex addict. I agree that any woman who has become involved with such a man, and on discovering what a idiot he is, should leave him and never look back. No texting. No facebook contact. No emailing. No phone calls. No meet just to chat. No coming back to their place. No discussion. No second chance. The best thing they can hope for is to discover what a train wreck he is, as soon as possible after they meet him. But sadly some women have a view that any man as better than no man. This is twisted and untrue logic. There are some women who would do better to step back, analyse, and then stay out of any sexual relationship for twelve months, until they can work out why they think it's acceptable for them, to give the time of day to men who are not worthy of any effort. And even then go forth more warily in the future. A woman needs to establish her standards, not just put up with whatever is offered. A man will aim to find an easy woman, who communicates by her acceptance of his low standards, such that he gains the impression that her standards are even lower than his. If a man will not respect your standards then his standards are too low for you. This man you described is not worthy in any way. This man could have an extensive range of University degrees, have a very high Intelligence Quotient (IQ), very earn a lot of money and be seen by some as successful. He is nothing of the kind. He has no ethics, no honorable standards. In a word he is a very dumb guy, who is a loser, because he's irresponsible. His lifestyle is promiscus and risky (sexually transmitted disease, retaliation if found out) He survives by twisting and turning to get what he wants from others, with no thought for others. He also runs the risk of ostracism from polite society and ostracism in a professional work environment, once colleages discover his low moral standards. I would rate this sleazy guy as ''emotionally disabled'' since i imagine his emotional intelligence (EI) is zero. What about ''street smarts intelligence''(SSI)? You dont need a University degree to have SSI, and i would rate him as a mid-level SSI. Street smarts can help people survive in a harsh environment. We all needs some SSI. Though some have none. The trouble is when unethical people use their SSI to abuse and hurt other people . The man you described appears to have rat cunning, he's exploitive, he has no empathy, he's cruel and selfish, and he knows how to target prey - women who have a complete lack of SSI.
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