| A
male
,
*mBroken
writes: I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 months and she says I've been clingy. This was my first real relationship so I did not know how to react sometimes.Lately she has not been picking up the phone until late at night around 9pm or so. I confronted her about this many times and she tells me that she sometimes does not carry her phone around with her and she's not one to call people back. Last time I confronted her about this I asked her for maybe the 5th time or so why she didn't call or anything in a tone of voice that made me sound mad, but I wasn't. I just wanted to know why she hasn't called. Then she just hung up and said online that she is tired of hearing it, and that she is tired of my constant paranoia, but I am no longer paranoid because I know for a fact she does love me.We talked online for a while and I asked her to turn her phone back on so that we can talk but she said no, she couldn't. And every now and then but not lately I've asked her if she loves me, if she still wants to be with me, if we're okay? and if she's okay? and she has gotten annoyed with that and she says she is tired of it and it's over. She said she still loves me but not the same way anymore. What am I supposed to do?
View related questions:
hasn't called Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): That is mighty fine advice from DreamMaster in both answers, it would have been what I would have said.
The sooner this situation is dealt with - ie, she is out of your life - the sooner you can move on and be ready for the next lady in your life.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (21 August 2006):
 Hi,
Look you seem like a nice guy, but I am not going to tell you what you want to hear.
What I am going to do is give you an unbiased opinion based on the facts you have given me. This will be a ‘short-term’ pain, rather then ‘long term pain’ decision for you. I guess it depends on whether you like to strip a plaster off a sore gently, or quickly. It looks bad either way to me I’m afraid.
This girl is putting you at arms length because she has lost respect for you because of your clingy and desperate behaviour (if you keep this up you will find this happening over and over again in future relationships – so STOP IT). She has lost that spark that you get in new relationships, and it is highly unlikely she will have the same affection for you ever again.
What she currently has planned is that she is waiting to see if there are any offers coming her way at school. You are right, she might find someone else, in fact, I bet that is what she is trying to do. If nothing comes her way, you MIGHT be her back up plan – but you took the unfortunate decision to tell her you will wait. This was a mistake. Now she is in absolutely no hurry to get back with you at any time.
If there was any sign here that the girl liked you, I would recommend you tell her that you have changed your mind and don’t want to go out with her anyway anymore.
This would be win-win. If she likes you she will beg you to get back. I don’t think she does like you, but at least you get to keep what is left of your dignity.
Since I don’t think she likes you, I recommend you telling her you don’t want to be with her anyway – pretty much giving you the second conclusion – you get to keep your dignity.
So ok you messed up, you got clingy. Live and learn. Just don’t make the same mistake again.
This girl is not treating you with respect, so I guess what you decide to do will come down to how much respect you have for yourself.
I know what I would do, but hey, its easy for me to see from the outside…
Better luck next time – let me know how it goes…
...............................
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (20 August 2006):
 Face up to the fact that you cannot have 1st reserve on her. If you see her with someone else then all you can do is walk away and not openly react. It will hurt, but if you stand any chance with her or anyone else you have to see yourself from the other perspective. Try to be cool about it, easy going, let her see you can enjoy life without hanging onto her. if you are around her then as Dreammaster suggests, be funny, and a nice person to be around instead of a heavy lump of emotional lead. Easier to say than do, but necessary to stand a chance in getting what you want. If things don't go your way then put it down to experience and learn from it.
...............................
A
male
reader, ImBroken +, writes (20 August 2006):
ImBroken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked her for a second chance to prove myself to her and she said that she DOES believe in second chances but says normally theres a great deal of time before the 2nd chance. She says it will be a while, and i told her i would wait. I asked her if it mattered that i am sorry and have learned from my mistakes and i hope she will understand and forgive me. And she said "It will eventually right now im still pissed" so i told her i would give her some space and leave her alone and let her be by herself for a while. School is starting in a week and I am afraid she might find someone else. How long should I leave her alone before trying to talk to her again? Any other advice is appreciated.
Thank you
...............................
A
male
reader, DreamMaster +, writes (20 August 2006):
Hi,
I can appreciate that you are a little inexperienced with relationships, but it does sound that you are bordering on harassing the girl.
If she doesn’t want to talk to you (ie doesn’t answer the phone) then ringing again 20 mins later is only going to make you seem like a pest, and she will lose affection for you.
If she answered the phone in a cheery voice, then ring all you want, but it is obvious this girl doesn’t like talking on the phone to you that much (and has even given you the benefit of telling you that you are being clingy) – so DON’T keep ringing her – make ONE call a night – and LEAVE it at that.
You say you know that she loves you? How do you know that. I can give you an unbiased view, and tell you this is NOT the case. Even if it is – your clingy behaviour is going to make sure that she doesn’t for much longer.
Don’t keep asking her if she loves you (even if you want to hear the words) – if she loves you she will be very happy to tell you this off her own back without being interrogated constantly.
I recommend you take a much more easy going approach to relationships in future. Make one call a night maximum, be interested in her day, be funny – but don’t go into heavy subjects like interrogating her on her feelings etc.
You may have done too much damage to this relationship, (she has actually told you its over!) so I don’t think you have any option but to back off I’m afraid.
The relationship is over.
Being clingy is what turned her off you. Being clingy now is going to make her lose respect for you.
In future – take it nice and slower.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): The girl sounds like a player. You deserve someone who can give you the 100% you are looking for. Sorry to sound so harsh.
...............................
|
