A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is my first time every doing anything like this, because i can usually solve problems myself, so please bare with me. But, this is different for me.My question is Ive been seeing this girl for almost 2 years it's crazy how we met but she's going to be 22yo and Im turning 31yo. I know a little young for me, but I can truly say I love and adore her and that a lot coming from even me. I don't really do relationships well, but she changed me. I buy her everything iPad mini, UGGs, Burberry scarfs etc lol just to name a few things I really haven't done for any lady. I actually go to Broadway shows in NYC, she introduced me to frozen yogurt, we've even ran off to AZ and had crazy road trip back over a weekend. She currently has some of her belongings at my apartment. I even got attached to her family and Im always supportive she has a grandmother in and out of the hospital and Im always there with her. My question is we have recently started being intimate with each other and I am obviously more experienced. We use lube and Im gentle as can be. She doesn't let me finish. I try and make sure she's satisfied before I finish. For example we are in the act and we use toys but after she's done she get tight again and says it hurts. I respect her wishes so I finish myself by using my hand. It's been like that since when we started having sex. She says Im a little big, which will make any guy happy, but I feel something is wrong.If there's any advice I would gladly take it and thanks for reading
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 June 2015):
 So because you pay for stuff you OWN her? You own the "mining rights" to her vagina?
Here is the thing, if YOU are not happy with the sex you are having, TALK to her, IF nothing changes and this is IMPORTANT to you, maybe you need to consider she is NOT the girl for you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain thanks for the comments but I still feel like it's not fair that I have to finish off myself at our most inimate time together...I take her out, I take care of her, she has her belongings at my place, even all the sex toys/lube are here(at my pad). When we have sex Im usual the one doing most of the work and she climaxes most of the time with me going in and the vibrator and she done leaving me to just pleasure myself, but I respect her wishes and love her enough not to make it an issue I just feel I do more and don't enough time to enjoy it but thanks everyone for the comments I appreciate it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2015): 'Since it's painful after she climaxes, I suggested he try climaxing first, thus circumventing the problem'Actually it's just reversing the problem! The fact is, the OP is experiencing what 90% of women have to deal with every time they have sex - a partner who finishes quicker than them resulting in them needing an alternative form of stimulation to reach their own orgasm. Hell, many women can't orgasm from that either. As Chigirl quite rightly pointed out, she is not denying you satisfaction, it's just not coming from penetrative sex. Well as one of the 90% of women who will NEVER be able to achieve an orgasm through penetration, I say to you (in the nicest way possible of course) - suck it up! You don't need to finish inside her to enjoy sex - if we can find inventive ways to enjoy sex out with penetration, then I'm sure you can too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow I didn't know it this thing would blow up like this but I thank you for all the comments!
I would like to say that you guys are right we have a communication issue between us that we need to work on..the thing is when we have intercourse I usually can last a while and sometimes I don't know if she's enjoying it prof Im hurting her but with lube and toys help her climax. I don't like using condoms because i go soft each time I use them but her and her twin sister both have IUDs implanted but I dont climax inside her NEVER..Im not as big I don't think Im mostly average like an other guy this is just the the 1st girl that actually had an issue with it.
__i don't like bring sex up with her due to the fact that she'll think that only what Im after with her which Im not..I do care for her but I'll have to talk to her about it and see where it goes--I just don't want to go back to the life I had just "banging women" just booty calls Cuz it truly gets tiring
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 June 2015):
"But that's got nothing to do with what the OP is asking or what Chigirl said? Nor can you state that because the man ASSUMED it was ok and the women ASSUMED it was not, that one is more right than the other. That is a communication issue that both of these hypothetical people need to work on."
Incorrect. This has everything to do with the OP and the issue I originally took with Chigirl calling out my earlier post. The OP's GF stops him when she climaxes because intercourse becomes painful after. OK - Since it's painful after she climaxes, I suggested he try climaxing first, thus circumventing the problem.
Also - I would certainly agree with your assertion that this sort of thing stems from a communication issue within the couple. However, I would argue that "no one side is more right than the other" means the converse is ALSO true, in that "No one side is more wrong than the other", and so the mutual assumption should not result in recrimination of one another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2015): 'IF two people are having intercourse. They did not discuss where or how he should climax. She does not show any reluctance to have that happen inside her. She does not stop him. He climaxes without warning. She then has no call getting upset that he did so.'
But that's got nothing to do with what the OP is asking or what Chigirl said? Nor can you state that because the man ASSUMED it was ok and the women ASSUMED it was not, that one is more right than the other. That is a communication issue that both of these hypothetical people need to work on.
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (9 June 2015):
"Firstly, nowhere did the OP say she 'blew up' at him. "
I know that - the "blow up" was a play on words to Chigirls's reference to a blow up doll. Just a play on word.
"Either of the two of them can stop sex at any time for any reason - end of story."
I am not arguing with that. I agree with this point. You are completely missing the -different- point I am trying to make.
IF two people are having intercourse. They did not discuss where or how he should climax. She does not show any reluctance to have that happen inside her. She does not stop him. He climaxes without warning. She then has no call getting upset that he did so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2015): 'Unless the two of you discussed exactly that in advance, then yes, you have a right to a satisfying experience when the two of you decide to be intimate'So if she's in pain she's not allowed to decide half way through that she wants him to stop because they didn't discuss that beforehand?! Urgh! And FYI, you can still have a sayisfying experience without coming inside her. Women haven't been climaxing via intercourse for years and it still feels good.'If she gives him the green light to enter her, she doesn't then get to "blow up" at him if he climaxes'Firstly, nowhere did the OP say she 'blew up' at him. Secondly, at any time either of the two parties can stop the other for any reason. The fact is, he would have no right to climax inside her even if he asked her to sign a legal contract beforehand. Either of the two of them can stop sex at any time for any reason - end of story.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (9 June 2015):
But nowhere does the OP say she is angry or blowing up at him about it. He said she said she's too sensitive after she's climaxed so she asks him to pull out. If she's in pain, I think that's fair enough don't you? Or would you be ok if your partner kept stimulating you after you orgasmed, even if it hurt, because you agreed to sex and didn't discuss the fact you'd like to stop if it becomes uncomfortable to you beforehand?
As others have said, this is most likely a timing thing. The OP should try to use his hand (or ask her to use hers) first then go for penetration later to see if their orgasms can match up better. This is the exact same advice men are given when they come too soon and it works well in my experience.
However, if it's something else such as his size (particularly when he's getting close and the thrusting is more vigorous) or that she's scared of getting pregnant, then he'll have to accept that coming inside her might not be an option. This isn't a big deal though - sex isn't all about p in v so either her or him can find other ways to satisfy him.
Unfortunately dude, you're finding out what the majority of us ladies experience when we have sex!
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (9 June 2015):
If she gives him the green light to enter her, she doesn't then get to "blow up" at him if he climaxes.
If she doesn't want him to climax inside her - I agree, she has every right to make that decision.
She does, however, need to TELL HIM SO.
If she gives him the ok for intercourse, and doesn't mention anything at all about him needing to pull out, then she has no right to get angry if he doesn't.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (8 June 2015):
Chigirl is absolutely spot on - her body her rules. No one ever has 'the right' to anyone else's body at any point. End of story.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 "Unless the two of you discussed exactly that in advance, then yes, you have a right to a satisfying experience when the two of you decide to be intimate"
No one has any rights to another humans body. Her body, her rules. A boyfriend doesn't have "rights" to her body. She's not a blow-up doll, for heavens sakes....
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (8 June 2015):
The other aunts have it pretty well nailed, with one exception...
Have you TALKED to her about this? TOLD her how it makes you feel?
A good, healthy sex life (or love life in general, for that matter) absolutely DEPENDS on open, honest communication. If the two of you are going to stand a chance in the long run, you need to be able to discuss this sort of problem and come up with a working solution between the two of you.
If she is completely unsympathetic to your strife, you could try a session or two of selfishness. Satisfy yourself, and let HER finish with her hand if she so desires. If that brings about a complaint, then she'll have some perspective of where you're coming from.
I can't agree with chigirl's assertion that " its not like you have a right to finish inside her". Unless the two of you discussed exactly that in advance, then yes, you have a right to a satisfying experience when the two of you decide to be intimate. IF she has a problem with that, then she either needs to say so in advance, or not agree to have sex in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 June 2015):
 Have you tried flipping the timing and you using your hand on yourself and she uses her hands on herself, so that she is lubricated and you are closer to orgasm, and then you try penis-in-vagina sex?
Or you give her oral sex until she's well lubricated while you use your hand on yourself and then you try intercourse?
Sexual intimacy involves a lot more than merely penis-in-vagina sex.... I know you know as you are 'finishing' using your hand.
If you are a lot larger than average then you will need to continue to be gentle. It's a porn myth that bigger means that intercourse is better...
Generally most women do not orgasm through PIV intercourse so you just need to tweak the timing toward your goal. Work with her sexual response rather than force it to a timing that just isn't viable for her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2015):
Are you using condoms? Is she worried about you ejaculating INSIDE her?
Or like the other aunts mention, if you ARE big, no amount of lubricant will make it not painful.
Also, do you go "deep" ? If you do you could be hitting her uterus and when she is having the orgasm, it CONTRACTS thus it can hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2015): It might be just that: your are too big for her.
NOONE wants to be hurting during sex. May be you should try not to put it all inside of her, may be half and see what happens.
Big is quite the opposite of good, believe it or not for many women. That should be always a balance. I had a boyfriend once withi think like 8 or 9" . Not only I was always bleeding after sex, I also could never orgazm with him. I was always cautious during intercourse being afraid to be hurt again.
Especially during last moments when the thrusting was fast and stronger,i couldn't stand it and was pulling away which in turn was provoking a lot of comments from him that I spoil his orgazm.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 June 2015):
Uh, yeah, you probably are just that... too big for her. I know guys think big is better, but it's honestly not. We girls have been trying to tell you this, but no one believes us... You're too big for her and it hurts.
How long have you been having sex? As she gets more used to your size, things will be easier. It will take some time though, so you need to be patient and not selfish. This wording "she doesn't let me finish" makes you sound selfish. Because its not like you have a right to finish inside her, and it's not like she's actually withholding something from you. She does have sex with you, but she can not go on as long as you want to/need to in order to finish. That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to finish, or that she wont let you! You can finish in any number of other ways, just not inside of her. Or hurry up and not take so long... But stop blaming her for it.
Use lube, be patient, and explore other ways to finish than being inside of her. That should solve it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): I had this problem - up until I'd finish, everything would be great, but from that point onward it was just... bad. I'd be too sensitive to the point of pain, quite bored because it didn't do much for me anymore and it was just... meh. Then we found out I basically need to start slowly from the begining again or even stop for a moment to cuddle rather than continuing at the given pace. Even changing positions to something more gentle is often enough. Men also need a moment before round two, don't you?
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