A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend moved out here with her five-year-old son from another state over a year ago to be with me. she's from a small town and has never lived outside of it for any period of time in her life until she moved here. long story short, her son adjusted and loves it out here in a bigger city, but she hates it and has from pretty much the start. she's lonely, depressed, has stopped eating, lost drastic weight, only wants to sleep and just completely shut down emotionally and physically. nothing i can do can seem to make her happy. and it's killing me. this has been a problem for a good while now, but i don't think we both realized the extent of it. i knew she was unhappy but we both thought it was from outside variables. for example, i had a roommate that didn't give us alone time and they didn't get along so she felt like a guest in her own home. we constantly battled over why when she came home from work, she went straight into our bedroom and wouldn't come out. and when i would try to get her to stay awake and talk to me about her day, she would just want to go to sleep. when the lease ran up, we were so riddled with problems that we broke up and she moved out. but right before she moved she made the decision to stay in this city and we agreed to try to stay together but just live seperately. she could have moved back to her home town but she stayed and signed a year lease about ten minutes away from me. now her and her son live in this other part of town, and we thought this could be a fresh start. it would give us our space from one another and more time to ourselves to rekindle the relationship. and at first it did. for a few weeks we both genuinely seemed much happier. we got along great and enjoyed each others company. but inevitably she started getting depressed again and falling back into her pattern of not being the girlfriend she needed to be for me. for the past week now, she's blown me off, avoided seeing me, been very short and distant with me, just wanted to go home and sleep, and just simply not made the efforts required for a committed relationship. and i felt it. i kept asking her why she was behaving this way and i kept expressing how badly it was hurting me. finally she admitted she's still just not happy with her life. that she lives out here in a city she hates, just for the sake of being with me. and when i tell her she's not behaving like she loves me, she continues to insist she does, and keeps citing that she choose to live out here and sacrifice to be in a place she hates just for me. but she's so miserable out here. and we both just signed leases. it's not like we can just move somewhere together. ultimately she's just so unhappy with her living arrangement, that she has nothing left to offer me. what can someone do at this point?? she clearly does love me, or she wouldn't have stayed? but i also can't make her happy...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your response. i actually was wondering the same thing myself...is she avoiding me or seeing someone else. and honestly i was driving myself crazy wondering if she was lying to me. and so i drove by her apartment one night after she claimed she was going to bed early, and sure enough, there was her single car out there alone and her lights were off. so it seems she's telling me the truth. don't get me wrong, i don't ever make a habit of doing things like that, but i just had to know. it does honestly appear to me as depression. thanks for your advice. it's much appreciated.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 April 2011):
 It's too bad the little boy, that adjusted quickly as little boys do, has such a depressed mom. I feel for you and the boy. If she is sleeping all the time and has no interest in, or motivation to do, anything, she is probably depressed. People that are prone to depression can slide into it if the circumstances are right.
There's not much you can do about it except bring it to her attention. Advise her to seek medical treatment. If not for herself, than for the sake of the little boy. Would it be possible for you to make an appointment with a doctor for her and then offer to take her? Sometimes people that are depressed have a hard time motivating themselves to even seek help. If the problem truly is the city, perhaps she should return home. She'd have to weigh the ramifications of breaking the lease against that of her, and her child's, welfare.
There is also one last thought. Are you sure part of the problem isn't your relationship? She wasn't happy living with you, but she didn't go back home. She rented her own place, and now doesn't want to see you. The reason she is giving you is that she is depressed - wants to sleep, etc. Are they actual reasons or are they excuses, and is there a way for you to check that out?
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