A
male
age
30-35,
*eythere10
writes:I've been going out with my girlfriend for months now, she is my first proper girlfriend and the first person I have sex with, I am 22 and she is 20 , she lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her , I cant stop picturing her with her previous boyfriends and it upsets me to the point of tears everyday and night, I get angry at myself because I wish I done was she done when I was that age,please help me as I cannot get over this and I love her so much but this tears me apart
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I Will add even one more option to those of yos and serpico:
Take a break and go experiment with other girls, once you get a past too you Will be able to relate more to girls who also have a past, Either that or just look for girls who have sexual experience that dont bother you, dure you could try to convince yourself to be fine with it when you are not, relationships are about having fun( at least at your age) and forcing you to accept something that you dont like is something that you shouldnt be doing.
A
female
reader, angel099  +, writes (24 January 2013):
Well..it might be hard to accept the fact that she experience "it" before you did but the importance here is you love her, so all the things in her past it would be good if you can try to forget it because the one that she's with right now is you, not her ex or any other guy, so spend more time with her and forget about her past, then your relationship with her will get more better somehow, if you can't forget it then your relationship with her will be affected..hope I helped.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 January 2013):
I'll add one more option to what Yos wrote -You can be with herYou can be aloneorYou can be with someone who has a past you can accept.Choice is entirely yours.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I've been answering questions on this topic here for at least 6 years now and have yet to see someone sum up almost everything in one very simple way. But human male did it:
"If I were you I would just be thankful that I had a girlfriend."
He's right.
You can choose to be with someone, if you want a relationship, or you can be alone. If you choose to be with her then be grateful she wants to be with you. Treat her as well as you can: and that includes not bringing yourself down by picturing her past partners. She deserves all of you, and with a positive attitude. Be the best boyfriend you can be.
If this isn't enough for you, here's an old discussion on the subject.
"http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html"
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 May I ask, if you value virginity so much, why didn't you keep yours ?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): It doesn't matter that your girlfriend didn't lose her virginity to you, the important thing is that you (people in general) lose it to someone you love, care for and trust enough to share your first time with. Just as you love her enough to have lost your virginity to her, its likely she loved the guy she lost hers to at the time. I think I'd be happier to know my girlfriend lost her virginity to someone she loved, rather than any random guy that was up for some fun.
Yes she didn't lose it to you, but I'm sure you're just as important in her life now as her ex was then, and if she had met you when she was 16 instead of him, and loved you how she does now, it would have been you she experienced her first time with, not him.
I lost mine at 17, some people lose theirs at 12, it doesn't bother me. At the end of the day, we all live life, experience it, and then die at the end of it. When a person's day for the box comes, what order in life they did things, will hold no importance anyway.
Life's too short to be worrying about small insignificant things that can't be altered, so my attitude is just enjoy each day as it comes the best you can.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Chill man. I was in a similar situation when I was 24 and a virgin n she lost it at 18. My advice plow some fields get with a few women and gain sex experience any way u can then u wont think about pasts cause youll have one of ur own. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Despite what the world has become, I am still a conservative and HATE the thought of devoting my entire life to a woman who has not bothered to save herself for marriage. Also, if I want such a pure innocent woman, I must not be a hypocrite by expecting to get the best for myself while spoiling it for other men. I suspect you lost your virginity to her that's why you feel this way, no? If you want advice, then here it is: You may think you love her but deep down you want someone better (a virgin). You can't reconcile what you feel for her and what she had done. You despise her for not being a virgin whilst having strong emotional bonds to her and that is exactly what is driving you mad. This is toxic. I'm sorry but this is a sign that your relationship has run its course. It cannot go any further. For your own sake, you have to cut her lose. The longer you remain the more frustrated and angry you will become, hating her for something she didn't do to you. And she will resent you because no matter how hard she will try to please you, you will always hold her lack of virginity against her. Do yourselves both a favour and call it quits before someone seriously gets hurt.
...............................
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 If I were you I would just be thankful that I had a girlfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 January 2013):
 You will be hard pushed to find a girl that has not had some sort of past in one way or another, unless of course they have been living under a rock for a majority of their life. So she lost her viginity when she was 16, this was four years ago, she never even knew you then.
If you want to make this relationship work stop beating yourself up about things that have happened in the past and put your energies into the present, accept that we all have a past and forget about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2013):
What is it exactly that's bothering you? That she had sex at 16? That she's not a virgin? Is that important to you for religious reasons?
You waited until relatively old to have sex, not everyone does. She didn't even know you existed at the time so what was she supposed to do, wait for you?
One thing you'll learn is that relationships come and go and sex isn't nearly as "special" to most people as you might think it is. It's an instinct and you probably would have been doing it at 16 if you had the chance; even bugs have sex.
That doesn't mean you should have sex with anything that moves, what it means is that it's a natural thing. People are attracted to people. They are also horny.
If the time comes and you and this girl part ways and you meet a nice girl who has never had a boyfriend or sex, what are you going to say to her to make her feel better about you having slept with another girl?
...............................
|
