A
male
age
36-40,
*F
writes:My relationship is having a huge problem since a lot of time, and it is coming to a bad point. One day, when having sex with my GF, the condom broke. It was a hard time for her since she is very fearful person. Problem came when, after 2 times, it broke again. She is really afraid of having sex because of that.That happened 15 months ago, yes, 15. During some time, i let her think about it, relax and prepare herself to continue again, but, after some moths passed, I asked her to do something. I recommend her to switch the contraceptive, because we never will feel safe again. But she refuses to go to the doctor.The time passes and the relationship is going worse. Because of her fear, it is hard for us to intimate correctly and sometimes she refuses to do anything with me because she is afraid that I ask her for more. That is making me worry about our relationship. Also, I am having sexual problems because of the lack of sex and the amount of problems and thoughts. Since she refuses me, I want her more and more and lots of times she feels bad about my behaviour. She looks further each day. Those days, she noticed things are going wrong and she told me she is going to go to the doctor when she has enough money but, I don’t feel like it is going to be soon.And at last, she is acting quite strange. We life a bit far and we meet one weekend each 2. But actually she asks me to do it each 3, because of the money “she says”. But as far as I know, she uses that extra weekend to go out with his new job friend. She didn’t tell me before, until last time we met. Then, she asked me if it is ok to have him as a friend. It looks very suspicious. Also she is acting cold with me, like if she doesn’t worry about me. I don’t know if I am being paranoic or what but I feel that our relationship is going to finish. Sometimes I think that she just likes me as a friend and she doesn’t really love me, and that’s the reason she never moves a finger to fix our relationship issues or she always complain when I ask her for a kiss, even if she says that it is because she doesn’t like “movie kisses”. And I also think that everything is caused because the barrier between us that appeared after that accident. I need to know what to do, what to think. I want to save our relationship, and furthermore, I want to fix the current damage on our relationship since that accident. What shall I do? I really love her and I want to save our relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): using two condoms is dangerous. The friction between the two condoms could tear holes in both of them. Only one condom must be used.A quick google search and I have found proof of this:http://aidsaction.org.au/swop/workers_resource_kit/health_and_wellbeing/how_to_use_a_condom.php"Danger! Don’t use two condoms at a time, eg if the client has warts. Two condoms are not twice as safe! Friction can cause them both to break. If the client has an STI you should not see him and tell him to get a check-up;"
A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Okay, sex is currently a problem for her, so (in the short run) take it off the table.
EVERYTHING ELSE should be fair game. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, etc. Stuff that brings you both to orgasm but doesn't have the risk of pregnancy. Promise that it won't go any further AND MEAN IT until she's more comfortable. Her body, her rules.
You and she need to become physical once more, and she's afraid of turning you on without being willing to satisfy you once she's done that -- so she's cut you off entirely. Tell her that you're okay to wait, and that as long as someday sex will be in the future it's okay to say it's not going to happen now.
Once you're physical again, you might talk to her about her fears. You could pay for her doctor visit, or you could pay for some other things so that she has the money for the doctor. OR you could use TWO condoms at the same time (that would also help the "sexual problems" you're having because of wanting her too much).
If she's not willing to work with you on this, then she's moved on, and so should you. But you have to address her very real fear first, so that you can be sensitive to it.
Good luck.
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